Crying Is Not an Option

Writers: Suzee
Date Posted: 21st August 2013

Characters: Pierka
Description: Pierka's soliloquy
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 2, day 25 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: T'nom, Meledei, N'vanik, R'enh (not by name) Z'ku

Pierka

Once again, like she did most days, she sat near Liddith on a chair
she'd brought out to her ledge. The presence of her lifemate and the
evening breezes helped center her. The seaside weyrs with waves
crashing into the cliffside below were not the choicest of weyrs at
Dolphin Cove. But even though she'd now joined the fighting wings and
was no longer a weyrling she had stayed.

Yes, she needed Liddith to get to the Weyrbowl, or the dining cavern,
or anywhere else for that matter but without the inner connections to
the rest of the Weyr it also meant it was private and she could be
alone with her thoughts.

Sometimes, like now, she could see a distant ship sliding on a breeze
and she imagined what her life might have been like before the big
storm that had claimed her family, back before she lost her memory.
She couldn't help but wonder in her current condition if she'd had a
mother or a father or even other extended family. She'd always
imagined she had and that they'd loved her. She couldn't fault the
healers at Topaz Seahold for the care they'd given at the time.
There'd even been a mind healer but no matter what they tried, her
memory had never come back. Most of the time she didn't mind but at
times like this she yearned for another human being to love her
without question.

When she was alone except for Liddith like this, the sea comforted
her. The sound of the waves below in the dead of night would lull her
to sleep, even though it was very hard to sleep these days. Here in
her weyr beside the sea she felt connected to a past she couldn't
remember. But now she had another consideration. She was having a
baby.

As much as she might want it to, her baby wouldn't have the kind of
early life she'd yearned to remember. But she would be loved. That
much Pierka swore to herself.

Down deep she knew that she'd probably chosen the wrong person to
love. But that didn't change how she felt. Her heart wanted what it
wanted and she had not been able to help herself. Unfortunately for
her, T'nom's heart obviously wanted someone else. So she'd just have
to deal with it.

She dashed at the tears that tried to fog her eyes and firmly shoved
down the negative feelings that threatened to overwhelm her. She
reached again for the calming crash of the sea.

Breathing slowly in and out she went over her conversation with
Meledei again in her mind. The words echoed like a sharp sound in a
large cavern.

**We want what's best for you and the baby. **

She shook her head; Meledei couldn't possibly know how condescending
that had sounded. How could she claim that she cared so much when
_she_ was the reason Pierka was having such a hard time emotionally?
She hadn't apologized for the fact that she'd been the instrument to
break her heart. She had stated that she wanted what she wanted and
_refused_ to apologize for it.

Pierk couldn't understand how she could claim she was concerned and
not reverse the situation and know exactly how she would feel herself
if someone else took away the father of the child she carried. There
was absolutely no empathy in Meledei. She was a user, a selfish
spoiled gold rider who seemed to see only what she wanted and now what
her needs were doing to other people. Did she really think she could
have whatever she wanted by dint of her position? But... she'd
demanded monogamy of T'nom and he was willing to give it to her.

The corner of her mouth lifted as she amended that thought. **Ok, well
maybe not everything she wanted.** She'd heard rumors that N'vanik's
Wingsecond had walked away from her so it _was_ possible. Maybe T'nom
would come to his senses. She leaned over and picked up her tea and
took a sip before setting it back down.

The sun had almost set and the sky was full of streaks of inky cloud
on a blood red background. The moons chased each other and she sighed
at the beauty and the peace.

"Ok," she said with a hand on her still flat abdomen. "I'll talk to
the headwoman about a new weyr." She rather liked talking to the baby
like it was already here. "I'm sure they'll have something available
closer to the ground. And connected to the rest of the weyr so I can
call for help when you decide to come."

She finished her now cold tea and watched the last of the color fade
from the sky and the stars come out. She could no longer see the ocean
but she could still hear it crash against the cliffs below.

Pierka resolved to take things one step at a time. Softly whirling
eyes lit the darkness and Liddith sent love and encouragement. "We'll
be a family," she whispered to her beautiful green. "You, me, and the
baby."

Pierka turned a single glow when she reentered her weyr to put the cup
back on her small table. Then in a single huge wave the grief washed
over her and she fell to her knees with a sob. All her hard won
serenity of moments before were swept away. She rocked on her knees
for a moment then clenched her teeth and forced herself to rise to her
feet and push all that hurt back down to the rocks below her ledge.

**Why don't you ask Xemroth's if he'd like to grab dinner and take it
somewhere?** It was surprising to her how their friendship had
developed but she needed her friend tonight. She turned a couple more
glows and washed the tears away.

}:He'll meet you in half a candlemark:{

"Half a candlemark? I can be ready in half a candlemark."

Last updated on the September 7th 2013

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Crying Is Not an Option