Watching My Dreams Slip Away

Writers: Eimi, Ames
Date Posted: 8th May 2011

Characters: Benaroy, Royan
Description: Royan recalls a time with his father from his youth where his dreams seem to be lost to him
Location: Amber Hills Hold
Date: month 1, day 7 of Turn 6

Royan ran his hand against the small token that he'd kept for so many
years. The bridle was worn and nothing like it had been that day. His
fingers lightly tracing it, Royan recalled that very day.

~Begin Flashback~

He couldn't have been happier. Royan had spent nearly all day watching
the beastcrafters. It was his favorite past time of late. When all his
chores were done and over, Royan would hurry off to the stables to
watch the training. Today, now, today had been different! They
crafters had said he could actually help them train the _other_
runners. Royan was beyond excited. He'd darted up to his chambers and
grabbed the bridle that had been his from nearly the moment he'd
learned to ride. Then after spending nearly half a candlemark helping
the crafters, he'd taken his own runner for a short ride. He knew
however that the time had come and his duties called to him once
again.

Rushing up to the Hold, Royan intended to stow the bridle in his
chambers before his father saw him. He was afraid he'd be in trouble
for neglecting some of his other studies to spend time with the
runners. However, he could never have expected to literally _run_
right into Benaroy as he hurried up the path.

Even at full charge, the boy hardly shook his rather imposing father.
Benaroy reached out to grab the boy's arms to steady him before he could
fall straight back onto his backside. "Royan, how many times do I have
to tell you, don't just run headlong here and there! What if I had been
one of the aunties on the path, eh? You could have truly done someone
harm."

Royan froze. He looked up at his father and gulped. "Yes, father. I'm
sorry. I should have been paying more attention." **I was just too
busy thinking about the runnerbeasts that I forget I wasn't one of
them,** he thought as he fingered the bridle in his hands.

The Lord Holder might not have spent as much time with his oldest boy as
he would like, but he knew enough to know when the lad looked guilty of
something. "Have you been down at the stables again?"

Royan's eyes opened a bit wider at his father's question as he tried
to hide the bridle behind his back. "I was, well, I." He stopped, then
let out a sigh. "Yes, father. I just wanted to watch the runners train
and, well, it's fascinating. Did you know how much work the
beastcrafters have to do each day? And how many different beasts they
get to work with? I never realized how exciting it could be!" Royan's
words came out in a rush, all of the pent up enthusiasm from the day
seeming to push it forth.

"Of course I know, Royan. This is my Hold. There's little that escapes
my notice in it." And Benaroy himself had spent a bit of time down at
the stables as a boy. What Amber Hills lad didn't? The runners were
their most prized commodity, even before the Plague. The beasts were in
their blood! But there was a time for play, and his eldest would have
to learn that if he were going to be the next Lord Holder. "I think,
son, you should not spend so much time down at the stables when you
could be making yourself useful elsewhere. You're getting a little old
to just play the day away."

"But I _wasn't_ just playing away the day," he protested and then
looked up at his father quickly. "I _want_ to work with the runners,
father. And the other beasts too. They are amazing."

"Yes, yes, yes," his father nodded, having heard it all before. And he
couldn't really fault the boy. When he and Royan were boys, runners
were all that were on their minds, too. But childhood dreams had to be
put aside eventually. "But you are _my_ son, and that means you must be
ready when the time comes to follow in my footsteps. Runners are
beautiful creatures, and truly fascinating, I know. But we must all do
what is best for Amber Hills, especially when you are born to the Lord
Holder. You will help Amber Hills most once you are able to take on
some of the responsibilities of administering it. You can spend as much
of your spare time in the stables as you wish, but you must do your duty
first. Do you understand?"

Royan frowned a bit. He knew what his father meant, but there was
something he didn't quite understand.

"Papa, it's not just spare time. The animals_respond_ to me. I," Royan
paused and then looked up at Benaroy with a hopeful expression, "I want
to train _with_ them."

"Son, we all want to do something different sometimes. But you have
been given a lot of privileges in this Hold, and therefore you have a
lot of responsibilities. Do you think my brother Royah and I didn't
want to be with the runners all day?" Of course, Royah, even as the
older brother, had been able to escape the Lord Holdership. Their
father had been right, of course, to groom Benaroy instead. Royah had
always been too strong of a free spirit. His son would not be the same.

Royan's face fell. "Yes father, I understand." He paused, then added,
"But, I'm not going to be the Lord holder anytime soon. What if, I
don't know, what if I could train with the apprentices? Learn the
craft while I can and..." he stopped, wondering if his father would
ever give in to such a crazy notion.

In a rare gesture of affection, Benaroy wrapped his arm around the boy's
shoulders. He knew all to well how it felt to want something so bad, to
have his whole being cry out to have it, but to have to deny himself his
heart's desire for the good of the Hold. If Benaroy had been just an
ordinary man, then he and Zela... Giving his shoulder a squeeze, he
said gently, "I'm sorry, son, but you are _my_ son, and this is your
home. I wish I could give you everything you wanted, but we must both
put the needs of Amber Hills above our own. That is our fate from the
moment we are born. We must accept it."

"Yes father, I understand," Royan replied, though there was little
conviction behind his words. He'd been dreaming about joining the
beastcrafters for quite some time, yet he'd kept it in his heart
because he knew what would happen. And, it seemed he'd been right. It
was not something he was destined to have in his life. He returned his
father's embrace, even as he felt the bridle in his hands. Royan tried
hard not to frown or show how truly sad he was inside. "For the good
of the hold," he murmured as he felt his dreams slide away from him for good.

~End Flashback~

Last updated on the May 12th 2011

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Watching My Dreams Slip Away