Trying (2)

Writers: AL, Devin
Date Posted: 29th March 2009

Characters: Jerroll, Edele
Description: When Jerroll gets back to the ship, he and Edele have an argument.
Location: Elsewhere on Pern
Date: month 2, day 5 of Turn 5
Notes: Silver Sails

He felt guilty and angry at the same time. "What is so sharding horrible about me sleeping with another woman?"

"Do I not mean enough to you that you would forsake all others for me?" Edele's throat tightened and she looked away, unable to keep her eyes upon him any longer.

"I said I would _try_, Edele, and I've tried more for you than I have for anyone else." He wanted to hold her, comfort her. But more than that, he wanted to be clear. "This isn't a Hold. We're out on the edge here, with all it's good and bad. We live differently. We think differently."

"So you would have no problem with me being with other men?" Edele couldn't think like that. She didn't understand why she couldn't be enough for him. If he was with other women, it was playing saying she wasn't good enough.

"If it was just casual, just once in a while ... no. It wouldn't make me happy, but I wouldn't throw a fit over it either." He'd probably be a little jealous, honestly.

"Why wouldn't it make you happy?"

"Well I don't _want_ you to sleep with other men."

"But _why_?" Edele pressed, "What is so sharding horrible about me sleeping with another man?"

Jerroll repressed a sigh. "I didn't say it was horrible. I said I didn't want you to, that it wouldn't make me happy. But if you did, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it."

"But you still wouldn't be happy about it. And how could you trust me not to sleep with another man after I slept with one? How could you trust me to be faithful to you?" Edel wanted him to understand but she wasn't sure how to get him to. "It wouldn't make you happy, Jerroll, so I won't do it, ever. There's no try for me, I simply don't want to even consider another man. You aren't just some casual thing to me."

"I know. You're not casual to me, either. But sex isn't this huge, meaningful thing to me. I only want you to be 'faithful' enough not to run off with some guy and leave me. I only want to know that I matter the most, and that's all that matters." He was trying to make her understand, but it was hard when she considered sex as the be-all end-all of everything.

"Sex is meaningful to _me_." Edele still couldn't grasp Jerroll's view upon it. "I give myself to you in a very intimate matter. It's a way I show that I love you. I would undermine that if I were with another man."

Now he did sigh. "Love is more than sex. I've had sex with ... a lot of women, but I can count on one hand the number of women I've loved. Not just cared about, but loved."

"Love is more than sex," Edele agreed with that statement at least, "But sex is still a way to show love. It comes out of love, a result of it."

"Sex is just a physical act. It doesn't mean anything unless you want it to," Jerroll said. "You've just been taught that it's this cherished thing because holders need to know who their heirs are and that's hard to do unless you know exactly who fathered who." He'd deliberately left that kind of thinking behind him a long time ago.

"But it means something to me. I wouldn't have sex with you if I didn't love you. I wouldn't be faithful to you if I didn't love you."

"I don't think like that, Edele. The only reason I'm not bedding other women is because it would hurt you."

And that, Edele thought, was at least something. The woman smiled a little. "I appreciate it."

"Well, good. Because it's not easy." Turning Sehana down had not been the highlight of his day.

"It's easy for me." Edele moved forward and slid her arms around Jerroll. "Because I love you. And I will be glad to try and make it easier on you."

"I don't know how serious you are about that. I have some ideas you'd probably throw me out of bed for." It was hard to believe she was adventurous enough, especially after all that sex is about love talk.

"Why don't you try me?" Edele suggested, "As long as you respect my decision to say no to anything that I'm uncomfortable with, I'm willing to listen and consider."

He tapped a finger against his chin. "I might have to start a list ..."

Last updated on the March 29th 2009

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Trying (2)