Willing to Take the Risk
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Eimi, Rochelle
Date Posted: 8th July 2007
Characters: Eleada, B'ram
Description: Eleada tells B'ram her dilemma, and he makes a decision.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 4, day 1 of Turn 4
Notes: Follows "No Regrets"
B'ram blinked up at the unfamiliar ceiling, sleep still fogging his brain. This wasn't _his_ room... "Trae?" he whispered, sitting up slightly, thoroughly confused. His mouth clamped shut quickly, his eyes widening as he realized whose weyr he was in. Shards! Did she hear him? No, thank Faranth. Eleada didn't hear him. He sighed his relief as he flopped back into the pillows. **You're such an ass, B'ram...**
It was just so strange to be waking up with this feeling of total satisfaction with a woman who wasn't the Weyrwoman. But it was a welcome change. Shards, the night before had been... perfect. Eleada was perfect. The way she made him feel was perfect. He couldn't wait to do it again. And to wake up with no shame... With no doubts... With no regrets...
But where was Eleada now? Oh shards, he hoped... She didn't regret what they did, did she? Since the hurricane they had grown closer every day, but, what if it was still too fast... What if he had pushed her into something she hadn't been ready for? What if he really had gotten her drunk and now that she was sober... Throwing the sheets off he looked around to find his pants. He was still buttoning them as he walked out into the main living area of the weyr. "Eleada?"
Eleada heard B'ram moving around in the weyr behind her, but stayed on the ledge, watching the weyr wake. It was peaceful on the ledge, with nothing to distract her from her thoughts but the greetings of the dragons and the breeze in her ears. Her bare feet had become rooted to the spot, although her robe was enough to keep off the chill now that the sun had cleared the horizon -barely. She didn't know what to say.
She didn't have to tell him. It was her problem, and her decision to risk it. To risk it for him.
But she wanted last night. Last night had been wonderful, and she wanted it to be every night. If she wanted that, if she had any chance at all with B'ram, he had the right to know. Even if it made last night the only night.
When he couldn't find her in her rooms, he knew there was only one other place the in the weyr she could be. "Eleada?" he asked softly as he walked out on the ledge behind her. "Is everything all right?"
She paused a moment, then looked over her shoulder at him. He was only a few steps behind her now, wearing nothing but his pants, his red hair catching the morning light. He looked magnificent. She wanted to take him back to bed again, but... She offered a shy smile. "Everything's fine, B'ram." She said at last. "I just..." She sighed. "Was trying to make a decision."
"Does this decision involve me somehow?" he asked as he slowly closed the distance between them. Shards, he hoped she had no regrets. No matter what she said, he knew he would have none. He looked so hesitant as he approached her. She could see the worry in his eyes, a worry she hadn't seen in turns. He was afraid he'd pushed her, gone too far too fast. The realization made her decision for her, and she felt her heart contract as her smile saddened. "Yes, it does."
She admitted quietly. She looked out over the bowl again. "You have the right to know." She fell silent, watching a green take off from her ledge, the sun gleaming on her pale hide.
"Know what?" he prodded gently.
She watched the green fly, getting some height before disappearing with her rider /between/. "Why I waited so long for last night." She said at last, and gave a bitter smile. "I'm sure you've realized that I'm not exactly inexperienced."
B'ram shrugged. "You're a greenrider with children. I didn't really expect you were."
The watchdragon bellowed a welcome to an appearing blue, and she waited until the blue trumpeted his reply before she answered. "I know. But it's part of my problem. No. The cause." She corrected herself, her eyes dropping to the ledge beneath her frozen feet. "I've always conceived easily, but a woman can lose only so many children /between/ before she puts herself in danger. I've lost too many, nearly died too often, to take sex lightly anymore." She raised her eyes to his face, not sure of what she would see and trying not to tremble.
The brownrider still couldn't understand what it was she was trying to tell him. He knew, though, that this was something that weighed heavily on her. "But... there are things you can do. There's the tea. There's tracking your cycle..."
She shook her head. "Those aren't foolproof B'ram. I conceive easily even with the tea and everything else. When I'm lucky, it's easy, and I can be back on duty in a few days. When I'm not..." She trailed off with a sigh. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that last night was wonderful. I'd love it if it could be every night, and I'd like to think that you'd agree. But there are some very real consequences. If I miscarry too often, or one botches, it _will_ kill me, B'ram. Ask the healers if you don't believe me -my case is almost always deferred to a master. But...
I've decided that you're worth it. It's up to you whether you agree."
She finished softly.
"So what you're asking is if it's worth it to me to have sex with you even if it might kill you?" Shards, that didn't leave him with much choice, did it! Was there any answer that would not get him into trouble? "What options do we have?"
She shrugged. "If you want to, I do what you said -tea, tracking, that sort of thing, and we enjoy ourselves. It's like another form of threadfall. You don't know the result going into it, you just prepare as well as you can. Or." She smiled sadly at him. "If you don't want to, then we go back to where we were before last night, but draw the line at a few kisses and wine."
B'ram sighed, rubbing his face wearily. Relationships were always hard, but not from the start! "Well... Let's try the tea and tracking. And if... If we think its too much of a risk, well... There are things we can do that would certainly _not_ impregnate you beyond kissing." Eleada turned to face him completely, relief and joy lighting her face as she smiled radiantly at him, and slid her arms around him, letting him know just how happy she felt that he was willing to stay with her with a kiss. Her arms crept up behind his back, holding him closer as she conveyed her happiness more eloquently with her embrace than was possible with words. She wouldn't have blamed him if he had wanted to step back. It wasn't the sort of thing you wanted on your conscience! But he wanted her badly enough he was willing to take the risk. What more could she ask for?
Last updated on the July 8th 2007