Hard Decisions

Writers: Nicole
Date Posted: 12th March 2006

Characters: Khalida
Description: Khalida is given permission by her family to Stand
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 10, day 6 of Turn 3
Notes: This follows immediately after 'See You at the Hatching'.

Khalida's heart flittered somewhere between excitement and terror as she approached the caravan. It wasn't every day that one of your dreams presented itself as possible reality, but she had a responsibility to her family, to the people who had loved and cared for her, and that was something she couldn't just push aside. Needless to say, she was surprised when Muna came, practically bouncing, towards her first. "I'm getting married!" The younger girl squealed. Khalida's heart dropped for a moment, but she quickly smiled for her friend.
"To the boy at Emerald Falls?" "Yes! You like him, right? We've been talking for so long," she babbled, "and to think he hasn't cared that I've been gone!" "When did he propose?" Khalida asked, and furrowed her brow. They hadn't been to Emerald Falls for months. "Last time we traded there," she said. "I told him to he'd have to wait for an answer, and Papa just said yes! He was thrilled! I wonder if he'd thought I'd forgotten... how could I forget?" Muna said, toying with the ring he'd given her. It was one of those that fell apart into an impossible puzzle of circles as soon as the wearer took it off. It seemed strangely possessive, reminding her of her once potential husband, and for a moment, her skin crawled. But...he did seem genuinely fond of Muna, and she wanted nothing more for her to be happy. She knew Muna was a virtuous girl, but a horrible flirt, and she hoped he could accept that. Khalida smiled fondly remembering the late night scramble in the few hours between them and their last trip to Emerald Falls, trying to figure out how to put that thing back in one piece. "I'm very happy for you," she grinned, grabbing her friend's hands. "Yeah, see what you miss when you're out talking with _riders_," Elamen teased. "Are you always stalking me?" She asked, glaring at her little brother. "Not always, just when it benefits me. You're lucky at least it wasn't a _guy_, then Father would have had a _real_ fit." "Yeah, I wanted to tell you earlier, but you were over there for a long time. What _were_ you talking about anyway?" Khalida squeezed Muna's hands and smiled.
"I was Searched!" The girl just stared at her for a moment, and then smiled.
"By the First Egg," she squealed, then gasped. "Faranth, Khalida, what are you going to do?" "I don't know," she frowned, finally letting go of her friend's hands, and looking at the ground. "I hope Father will let me Stand. I mean, we'll probably be staying until the Hatching anyhow. It's just _days_ away, they're saying." "I don't see why he wouldn't. We have to tell him. Come on!" Muna urged, tugging on her clothing. Khalida frowned at her, unable to tell her that her wedding had come at the worst of times, when being as old as she was and unwed would upset her father. When he would feel most compelled to be looking for possible suitors, higher in wealth and status, then letting her chase off after such childish dreams as Impressing. Every beat of her heart felt like a lump in her chest, but the bright happiness in Muna's eyes wouldn't be ignored, and finally she gave in, following her friend towards where the trading was going on. "Karima, Karima! You'll never believe what happened!" Muna said, storming up to Khalida's mother with Khalida close in tow. "Do you remember that 'rider Khalida was talking with?" "I heard something about it, yes," her mother said, looking less than happy. "She was Searched!" Muna bubbled, and Khalida's eyes flew, troubled, to her mother's face. But, Karima's eyes lit up into genuine joy. "_Was_ she?" She asked, smiling at her daughter. "Well, that's cause for celebrating. When is the Hatching?" "What? What?" He father asked, popping around the corner of the wagon, having heard something about dragonriders and Hatchings. "Khalida was Searched," Karima beamed. "No daughter of mine will be a dragonrider," he spat quickly, and then disappeared behind the canvas as if to end the conversation. Khalida watched him walk away, and her blood boiled. How could he do that to her? How could he try to set her up in a marriage where she would have been beaten senseless, and then insist that she try for a suitable man again and again? How could she not be terrified? What if that woman had not been there: his previous wife? What if she had not believed the rumors, and what if she hadn't been shown the scars -- not bruises, but deep, _permanent_
scars -- along her body? She had often imagined herself with those scars, and it made her feel sick -- not just slightly nauteous, but a deep, sinking feeling that started deep inside her soul and threatened to move out to every vein until every shred of security and confidence in her own choices was gone. How could he take this from her? Her one chance to be independent, where no man could touch her in any way she didn't want him to.
She stood there, eyes brimming with tears, not of sadness, but of rage, feeling completely powerless, as if there was nothing she could say to change his mind. Khalida wanted to storm after him, to shatter dishes, to scream until they could hear her back at Emerald Falls. To scream of how a family must take care of one another, of how he could say all he wanted was her happiness, and now _deny_ the _one_ thing that would make her happy, the one thing that would keep her safe.
But, thank Faranth, her mother did it for her, taking on a sour face and then storming after him. "Why do you do that?" Karima snapped at her husband, the instant the heavy canvas rolled shut behind her. "You know how these dragonriders are -- they're full of lust, they're dangerous. I'll put no daughter of mine into a situation like that, and that's final!" He said, his back to her the whole time. "So, you're scared she will have sex? And if she were having sex with some holder boy, would that not threaten you as much?" "She would be having sex in a virtuous relationship, in a _legitimate_
marriage, having _legitimate_ children, like she should be," he yelled back, finally turning to face her, and she could see the worry in his eyes. "Oh, and Temeran was a virtuous man, indeed," she retorted. "Woman, you test my patience." "Muared, I've been testing your patience for twenty-five turns, and, if you can't handle it anymore, then you had better strangle me here in this wagon, because Faranth knows I'll never change a day in my life!" "Scorch it, Kamira. I only want what's best for my daughter!" "This _is_ what's best for your daughter!" She shrieked. "Don't you see that? How has she responded to other suitors, to other offers? She doesn't want that, and she is not a girl to sit complacently by some man's side and have children--" "And yet, Muna, who she is so close to, is about to do just that." "Those two girls are night and day to each other. When Muna would sit around the campfire with us, learning how to sew and giggling over stories, Khalida was pressing Jaren and his boys to teach her how to read," she said, flinging her hand out for emphasis. He was silent for a moment, thinking back to how he was jealous of his brother -- being closer to his prized second-youngest than he was. "Will that make you happy, Muared?" She asked. "When you can brag to your brother over letters of who married his daughter to the richest man? When will you start thinking about what's better for her, and not for yourself?" "These people die out here, Kamira," he snapped, stomping forward and grabbing her hand, hoping that maybe _now_ she'd understand. "Every day -- dragonriders die. In Threadfall, learning how to fly. _No_, I don't want Khalida to be miserable, but I want her _alive_, Kamira. The thought of her here -- exposed to all that, terrifies me." "And at least we will see her, and she can protect herself. Khalida's a smart girl, and if she can't handle herself in the Weyr, then I pity all these little holder brats who come here hoping to be a dragonrider, because Faranth knows they'll be dead in the first _sevenday_," she said, and he snorted. "And what if you marry her and she is miserable, Muared? The first time he hits her, Faranth forbid it happen, she'll pack up her things and leave. With a baby on her back or nine months pregnant, she'd be gone. And who would find her then?
Would we ever even see her again? This isn't the North, Muared. The way they treat us in the Holds... Women aren't respected here. People don't _care_ if someone beats their wife in some of these places. She's cried to me so many nights when you urge her to get married to certain men over how terrified she is of becoming that woman Temeran was separated from." "And why does she never say anything to me?" "How many times have you listened?" She asked. "Sometimes, you are too much discipline, too little father, Muared. I know you are scared for her, because she is not born for the life you want to put her in, and this is her chance. Don't you see? This is the greatest that we can ever give her." There was a long pause and he stared at the wall: brooding. He then sighed, looping an arm around his wife. She embraced him tightly and smiled. "I suppose you are right, Kamira," he told her. "You always are." "Go talk to your father," Kamira told her daughter, as she exited the wagon. Khalida had stood there, petrified, fighting back the brink of tears as Muna tried to comfort her. The girl swallowed hard and wiped any hint of moisture away from her eyes.
She was too angry with him to seem genuinely crushed by what he had said before they disappeared. "Father?" She asked, not even looking at him as she down at the floor. To her surprise, rather than saying anything, she was swept up in an embrace.
She just stood there, stunned, before slowly hugging him back. "If what you really want is to be a dragonrider, you can stay," he told her. "Thank you, papa," she said, smiling. "I'm sorry, Khalida, if you've ever felt like I didn't want you to be happy.
I've only ever wanted the best for you," he told her, stroking her hair. "I've always known that," she smiled, and there was that soft, snickering noise in his breathing that people make when they're smiling as a genuine expression of pure happiness. "You'll stay for the Hatching, then?" "I wouldn't miss it for all of Pern."

Last updated on the March 14th 2006

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

Hard Decisions