Her Darkest Time (Part 1 of 2)

Writers: Eimi, Ames
Date Posted: 28th July 2013

Characters: U'kaiah, Kenza
Description: Kenza hits her lowest point.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 2, day 16 of Turn 7
Notes: Part 1 of 2

She groaned and rolled over in her bed. Then her stomach gave a rather
sickening lurch and Kenza hurriedly shifted to the side of the bed and
was sick all over the floor.

Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she groaned again and
flopped onto the bed. Her mind was cloudy. She didn't know what day it
was or what time. She remembered the _feelings_ though. She'd felt
alone and bereft and then she'd begun to drink. Was that yesterday or
the day before?

U'kaiah stood in the doorway of her sleeping chamber, shaking his head
in disbelief as he watched this whole scene. He could not believe what
his eyes were seeing before him.

Kenza had been acting strange. He had known that. She would show up to
drills, stomp and growl and scare all the riders, and then disappear
into a cloud of frustration until the next day. But she would always be
there. Today, she didn't even show. That was just not like her.
Knowing deep down in his bones that something was just not right,
U'kaiah decided to personally see for himself what was going on. The
first sight that had greeted him jarred him to his core. Bottles strewn
across every surface, things knocked about and not having been bothered
to be picked up. And that smell. A mix of stale alcohol and something
all together less pleasant.

The bronzerider had seen the results of drunken binges before, but never
in a thousand Turns would he have believed it of Kenza. _Kenza_! The
woman who used to swat his behind when she caught him getting into
trouble. The woman who never let him get away with anything. The woman
who could still make him feel like a boy in nappies even when he was her
Wingleader. The woman who dispensed sage advice like AIVIS personified.
This kind of things could be expected of lesser beings, but never of
_Kenza_.

As he watched her roll over on his back, for a moment he was helpless.
How had this happened? How had he not seen the signs before? How had
he trusted so much in powerful mystique this woman had for him that he
would miss all those signs that now were suddenly so clear? How could
he have failed her like this? He didn't know what the cause of all this
was, but couldn't help feeling that he was somehow to blame. He should
have known. He should have been there. He should have saved her from
this from the first signs.

**I should have known...**

Finally, taking a deep breath, U'kaiah overcame the initial shock, and
found his legs once more. He was a man of action. Quietly turning away
from her, he found her sink, a glass and a cloth. Coming back into her
room, he sat down on the edge of her bed. "Wake up, Kenza," he said
gently, pressing the cool damp cloth to her forehead.

She groaned, but finally opened her eyes. Then she squinted and
blinked them shut again.

"Too bright," she muttered, wanting to turn away and go back to the
sleep that seemed to call to her. Yet whomever it was that was there
seemed persistent. They didn't leave. Her head ached. Everything felt
fuzzy. Her stomach churned as she tried to force herself awake.

When her eyes finally opened and stayed open, she seemed to stare at
nothing, before finally blinking and trying to focus on the face that
was looking down at her.

"What do you want?" She muttered, still seeing blurry images in her
mind. Her mouth felt like someone had stuffed it with cloth, and she
was thirsty too. She blinked again and he came into focus. "U'kaiah?"

"Come on, Kenza," he said, carefully leaning down so he would not spill
the drink in his hands, but wrapping an arm around her back. Slowly
pulling, he said with equal care, "Sit up now. I'll help you. I have
some water for you to drink."

Her head was still heavy and fuzzy. She allowed him to guide her. She
took a sip of the water and felt relief was over her tongue and
throat. She drank more, slowly.

"Better," she remarked, feeling slightly more lucid. "What are you
doing here?" She frowned at him. Why was U'kaiah in her quarters? Oh
Shards, had she _done_ it with him too? She knew she'd been with lots
of men lately and she didn't remember all of them, but she and U'kaiah
had never had _that_ kind of relationship.

If U'kaiah could have heard that thought, his mess would have joined her
on the floor. The very thought of touching Kenza in a sexual manner
would have made him heave. Instead he just brushed her hair back from
her face as best he could. "Get some fresh clothes, go take a bath, and
then we'll talk. I'll be back in a few minutes, and I expect to hear
you splashing around in your pool."

Not waiting for any argument from her, he got up and went on the hunt
for some baskets and cloth to start work on clearing out the bottles and
other garbage.

She did as he instructed. She had nothing better to do really. Her
depression had hit an all time low last eve. Yesterday had marked 3
months since she would have had the babe she and D'ale had had to give
up. It had been too much for her.

With U'kaiah gone, she rose, dropped her clothes and headed towards
the bathing pool. The water soothed her and brought back some clarity.
As she thought over the night before, she let out her breath on a sigh
of relief. She _remembered_ being alone. "Thank the stars," she
muttered. She didn't know if she could handle the aftermath of
something like _that_ with U'kaiah. She thought of him more the way
she thought of K'ale, not that of a lover.

**Why is this affecting me so much? Why can't I make this _stop_?**
She groaned and sank into the water. It wasn't that she'd been a great
mother to her children, so why was _this_ loss so heartwrenching?
She'd dealt with it fine, or so she'd thought, until more recent
events. D'ale's baby news and the anger directed towards K'ale during
the last Hatching had all brought out some strange motherly instinct.
And then she'd spiraled down, out of control. Sex and drink. That was
how she'd handled things these last months. What was so wrong with
that?

"Waking up and thinking you've slept with someone you consider more
like a son, that's what's wrong with that!" She mumbled to herself and
splashed some water away from her in anger. She was feeling better,
but found she craved a drink still. Maybe just _one_ would make her
feel better? One couldn't hurt, could it?

Last updated on the December 15th 2013

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Her Darkest Time (Part 1 of 2)