Too Painful

Writers: AL, Devin
Date Posted: 16th July 2013

Characters: Meledei, Z'ku
Description: Meledei tells Z'ku about her and T'nom.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 1, day 13 of Turn 7

Z'ku

}:Mine would like to speak with yours.:{ Elleth passed along the
message as requested by her rider. Meledei was nervous. She felt bad
because she knew how Z'ku felt. And she knew that there could have
been a chance with him too. She had a feeling if he'd caught her
dragon, they would have had that conversation, not her and T'nom. At
the same time, she wanted to see where things went, how things went
with T'nom. She was, however, afraid of what would happen in the
meantime, though she really hoped it didn't turn out the way she
feared it would. Either way, she wanted to talk to Z'ku, so she had
asked Elleth to pass along the request. }:Where ever he'd like, but
she requests privacy.:{ Elleth added.

**Wonderful,** Z'ku thought. **Now she can reject me to my face.** At
least she'd asked to go somewhere private, so he wouldn't be
humiliated in public. He could hear it now, how she'd tell him she
hoped they could stay friends, that she loved T'nom, that she wasn't
interested in Z'ku and never would be. Through Xemroth, he sent an
image of a small cove not far down the beach. It was probably empty at
this time of day and he could look out at the ocean instead of at her.

[[Tell him I'll meet him there.]] It wasn't going to be pleasant, but
it had to be done. It wasn't fair to Z'ku otherwise. She then
mounted her dragon and gently urged Elleth to take her to the cove.

He slid from Xemroth's neck, boots sinking into the sand. }:I tried my
best,:{ the bronze crooned.

Z'ku patted his neck. "I know you did." In a few months Xemroth
wouldn't remember the Flight. He wished he was that lucky.

"Hey." Meledei offered a smile as she stuck her hands in her pockets.
Shards, she already felt awkward, but she knew she couldn't just
pretend nothing had happened. "Thanks for meeting me."

He nodded. "Time to get it over with." Z'ku didn't want to believe he
could feel worse than he already did.

Well, he knew what was coming and it made Meledei feel worse. "Um,
well...T'nom and I...he caught Elleth and...we've sorta decided to see
what happens...with us." Shards, it was hard.

"I know. He told me. And here you are, giving me another polite
rejection." He watched the waves as they rolled along the beach. "Time
to face reality," he muttered.

}:You will always have me, and I will always love you,:{ Xemroth said.

Z'ku had to remember that. Xemroth was the most important thing in his
life. Everything else, even this pain in his heart, was temporary.

"Z'ku, I didn't mean to hurt you, and I still want to be friends."
Meledei's face twisted a little. "I honestly didn't expect this. And
to be honest, I wasn't looking for a relationship, but when he put it
in front of me...I guess I realised it was time."

"And it wasn't time when I asked. Or were you just trying to be nice?"
He glanced at Meledei, but he couldn't look at her for long. "You
never had any interest in me. I deluded myself into thinking you might
change your mind."

That took Meledei by surprise and she stared at him for a moment.
"What? No, that's not it at all. Z'ku, if things had been different,
it might have been us having that conversation after the flight."
Meledei shook her head. "No, I wasn't being nice. There was always a
chance with you - just like there's always been a chance with T'nom.
Things just...swung this way."

"So you left it up to chance?" Somehow that made him feel worse.
"We're not dragons, Meledei. We choose who we want to be with because
we_care_ about them. You don't ... flip a coin to decide who you want
a relationship with!"

"That's not it. I told you, I didn't expect to come out with a
relationship. It just...I don't know, it just _happened_." Meledei
through up her hands, then reached up to rub one over her temple.
"The thing is, Z'ku, I _do_ care about you. I care about T'nom too."
And R'enh, though he didn't seem to return the favour anymore, and she
had to admit she was still hurt. "This wasn't something I planned.
It just...happened." She was getting redudant. She'd hurt him and she
hadn't meant to, but she had no idea how to fix things.

"Maybe it's for the best." He'd been trying to convince himself of
that since he lost the Flight. "I need to stop waiting around for you
and go live my life."

She'd never asked him to wait for her, but she thought the idea was a
good one. "I can't guarantee how things are going to go with
T'nom...but I don't want you to wait on me, Z'ku. You deserve to have
someone special in your life."

**I don't want someone, I want _you_.** But that was the kind of
thinking that had gotten him into this mess. Meledei didn't want him.
She wasn't going to want him. Hope had turned him into a nervous,
uncertain person around her and that wasn't who he wanted to be. Hope
was waste of time. Hope was for harper tales. Z'ku swallowed and his
chest felt tight. Foolish emotions from a foolish boy. "I wish you
well, Meledei." He turned and walked toward Xemroth.

"You sound like you're saying goodbye." Meledei's heart sank. She
hoped he didn't mean what it sounded like he meant. "I...still want
to be friends." But maybe he didn't.

Without turning around, he shook his head. "It's too painful." His
voice carried over the sound of the waves.

And what was she supposed to say to that? She'd never meant to hurt
him. Meledei watched the bronzerider. "I'm sorry." The words were
spoken, but they were soft and she wasn't sure if he'd heard them.
But did it matter either way?

Last updated on the July 24th 2013

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Too Painful