Somewhere To Go

Writers: Suzee, Eimi
Date Posted: 27th April 2013
Series: It takes Time to Love

Characters: Tavia, U'kaiah
Description: U'kaiah needs Tavia's shoulder to lean on...
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 11, day 28 of Turn 6

Tavia

U'kaiah was clenching his jaw so tight, he was starting to get a
headache. He had tried to sit down at his desk after his Wingsecond and
Third had made their exit and start working the problem on his own, but
he was too angry, too frustrated to string two thoughts together. The
fact that he couldn't get anything done only annoyed him more to the
point when he just grabbed up his wherhide jacket and told Kalamath to
meet him on the Plateau. He just had to get away from Dragonsfall, and
it was hard to get much farther than Dolphin Cove.

Sawauth felt the agitation and warned her before Kalamath touched the
lip of her weyr. She was just getting off her shift in the infirmary
and pelted up the stairs and through the door. Sawauth didn't know
exactly what was wrong only that 'something' had upset Kalamath's.

"U'kaiah?"

The bronzerider was sitting on the edge of the bed, holding his aching
head in his hands. He looked up when she burst into the room.
Obviously she had been warned he was there. "Hi," he said a little
sheepishly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you. I just need to hide
out here for a few minutes."

"Sure," she said softly and sat down next to him. Her fingers moved to
his neck and began to massage the sides of his neck. When she felt the
knots and tension, she turned and got up on the bed behind him and
began to work on his shoulders. "Tell me," she said.

"Oh, I'm sure part of it you've already heard. About our Weyrwoman
Second's _remarkable_ Flight." He tone dripped with sarcasm.

**Oh boy** These were the times when she didn't envy him the weight of
his job as Wingleader. "I heard it was a brown."

"A brown would be fine. A good sturdy brown with Turns of chase
experience, you can still get a good Clutch out of that. But this brown
is just now a Turn old, and not even yet fully grown." A child still,
despite the creature's size. "I'm sure you remember when Jyramikah's
gold was caught by a young brown a few Turns back. That brown was a few
months older, and her gold far more experienced than Onnyth, and that
pairing resulted in 23 Eggs. Barely half a Clutch in a Pass."

"I do..." she said to his first question about Jyramikah. "Wow," she
breathed. She could understand why he'd be so stressed. They needed as
many new riders as they could get from what she'd heard in the past.
"Any ideas what you can do?"

"Well, I can't paint Kalamath gold and make him lay eggs, so the only
thing I can do is try to minimize our losses as much as possible. We'll
need to be especially careful. We might need to push our returning
riders more than I'd like to fill in the holes, but by doing that, we'd
be taking a big risk which might not be worth it in the end, so... It's
a hard choice." And one he did not like having to make. Sometimes at
night, he could still see the faces of riders who died because of
decisions he had made. Accepting responsibility was just part of being
a Wingleader, but that was no comfort when the night closed in.

As a nurse in addition to her duties as wingrider, Tavia saw several
sides to the dilemma. It wasn't going to be easy on him to say the
least. She also saw his need to be somewhere other the Dragonsfall at
the moment. That aspect of their relationship would be lost if she
actually relocated but she didn't feel the need to bring it up now.

Her heart went out to him, he obviously felt his responsibilities
deeply. She wondered as she continued massaging if most of the people
who knew him at Dragonsfall knew how deeply he cared.

"Hey," she said softly and kissed his temple. "Would you like a drink?"

"Yeah," he nodded, staring off into the corner of the room with a drawn
out sigh.

"Alright," she said and stepped off the bed. She had a nice bottle of
good stuff and poured him two fingers in a short glass. "Here," she
said as she got back on the bed behind him.

He mumbled his thanks and stared down into the liquid a moment, lightly
fingering the lip of the cup. Finally he said, "I tried to have a
meeting with my Wingsecond and Wingthird about all this. It's the same
on the ground as it is in the sky, as soon as you see trouble on the
horizon, that's the time to start dealing with it. Not when it's right
on top of you. You always have to stay two steps in front of these
things or you'll quickly be lost." That was one lesson he had come to
understand even as a Wingsecond after the start of the Pass. "But,
unfortunately, my Wingsecond and Wingthird just happen to be the parents
of the young brownrider who won the Flight. The meeting did not go
well."

That stopped her fingers for a moment, but she started right in again.
"So, what happened?"

"A big sharding mess is what happened," U'kaiah sighed, regretting that
things had deteriorated so quickly, but what could he really have done
differently? "Kenza, his mother," he clarified in case it wasn't
obvious, "refused to believe that anything bad would happen, and tried
to turn the whole thing into a joke. Can you believe that? A sharding
_joke_! I don't care whose son the kid is, there is nothing _funny_
about any of this, and I made sure she understood that it was highly
inappropriate. The last thing I need is for my Wingthird to be
wandering around the Weyr making wise cracks about such a disaster.
It's just in terrible taste."

"Ah," she said in as noncommittal a way as possible. It was obvious he
was highly agitated by the whole mess and who wouldn't be. "Hey," she
put her arms around him. "Why don't we do something to take your mind
off of it for a little bit."

Was she tired of listening to his troubles already? He hadn't even told
her about how much it hurt when D'ale talked to him like a child. Or
about how betrayed and alone he felt when he had to stand up to the both
of them united against him. He couldn't tell her how he was doubting
himself in that moment. But even if he had had the chance to tell her,
would she have really understood? Could anyone? Was he already less in
her eyes, too?

**Is this the way it's going to always be?** he wondered, gripping the
glass in his hand harder. **Is there really no one who can help me?**
There not a single man or woman in his Weyr who had spent as long in a
position of leadership as he had since this Pass began, and he never
understood more than in this moment that the top could be a very lonely
place.

U'kaiah took a deep breath before gently placing the glass in her hand.
"I have to get back. I still have work to do."

She knew then she'd said had been the wrong thing, and even though he
wasn't angry he seemed to be disappointed. She didn't understand and a
puzzled frown crossed her face. "Ukaiah?"

"I'm fine," he assured her, standing up and turning around to face her.
"I really didn't have much time. I just needed to get away for a few
minutes. So, thank you for that."

"Of course," she said softly still nonplussed by his reaction. Where
he'd been passionate moments before he was now carefully controlled.
"I'm sorry," she said as she rose to face him.

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Tavia," U'kaiah said, gently
squeezing both of her arms to reassure her. "Sex just doesn't fix
everything. Even _I_ know that," he said, trying to lighten the
tension.

"Alright," she said softly and nodded. Clearly there were things she
still needed to learn about relationships. Her free and easy style
would need some adjustments were she actually to end up at
Dragonsfall.

He could tell that she was not happy at his not taking up her offer. He
could not leave things like this. "Listen, Tavia," he leaned his
forehead against hers, wrapping his arms loosely around her waist, "I'm
flattered that you want me. But that's not what I need from you most.
I just need to know that no matter what I say, no matter what I do,
whether I'm a hero or a failure, I just need to hear that you still love
me."

Love wasn't something she could turn on or off like running water from
a pipe. It simply was. "I do," she said and her hands rose to his
face. "I love you," she said with feeling.

"Thank you," he said softly, leaning in to kiss her tenderly. U'kaiah
lay his head on her shoulder, pulling her tighter to him and just
allowing himself to feel the healing power of those words to work on his
tired heart for a moment. It was enough. It was enough to keep him
going just a little longer.

Last updated on the October 3rd 2013

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Somewhere To Go