One of those days

Writers: Eimi, Paula
Date Posted: 27th November 2012

Characters: U'kaiah, Aileyan
Description: U'kaiah needs Aileyan after a tragic Fall...
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 10, day 26 of Turn 6

U'kaiah walked up the stairs to his weyr silently, sloughing off his
riding jacket as he went and making eye contact with no one as he
passed. He ran his fingers through his sweat-matted hair methodically,
his body turning automatically at all the right places without ever
having to look up from the stone floor in front of him.

He knew Aileyan was probably waiting for him after the Fall was done.
It had become their custom to celebrate surviving another day together,
enjoying each other's company without having to worry about Ravyan for a
couple candlemarks. It was usually a special time when they could be
completely relaxed, totally at ease. But sometimes, the
events of their day followed them even into that peaceful sanctuary.
Today would be one of those days.

As he walked into the Weyr, U'kaiah knew that she was probably already
bathed and waiting for him in his sleeping chamber. Most of the time, she
was
finished long before he could wrap up his duties as a Wingleader. He
usually acknowledged her presence before slipping into the bathing
chamber to wash the sweat and crack dust off his body, but today he just
couldn't face her. It would be obvious why. The death of a rider was
never a secret, as the dragons, and the Weyr, felt it keenly.

N'cean had been in U'kaiah's Wing since they graduated Weyrling class
together, and with his partner, brown Kanasith, had proved to be steady,
strong, and fearless. That as much as anything made his death a shock.
And yet, even the best of them could fall, they all knew. They had seen
plenty of good men go before him. But as a Wingleader, U'kaiah could
not take his death as just being his time. Especially since it had
ultimately resulted from a decision _he_ had made just a few days
before.

The weight of his responsibility was felt keenly as he stepped quietly
into the water. His eyes watched the ripples race around the
pool as his thoughts turned to his wingrider, his friend. With
deliberate determination, U'kaiah went through the motions of cleansing
himself, but he could not feel the comfort of the warm water. More than
once he suddenly realized that his hands had stopped, and caught himself
staring at one fixed spot for Faranth knew how long.

Aileyan knew U'kaiah had lost a wing rider today, thanks to Kjarliheth.
When he didn't show up the usual time, she knew why. Some death's hit
your harder. She spent few minutes pondering. Keep waiting for him or go to
him? She decided to go to him. He wouldn't admit it, but he need her,
needed consolation. There was time when she couldn't deal with his
needs. She felt much more confident now. They knew each other better and
she's
grown to trust him. She walked to his weyr, slipping in unnoticed. Via
Kjarliheth, she asked Kalamath not to announce her presence to his
rider. She found him in the bathing pool. He was oblivious to his
surrounding.
She kneeled behind him and wrapped her arms around him, pressing her cheek
against his neck. Sometimes words weren't needed.

Her touch brought him back to the moment. Taking a deep breath, he
leaned his head back against her shoulder. U'kaiah didn't used to tell
Aileyan his feelings when he was hurting or confused. He had always
wanted her to see the charismatic, strong, confident bronzerider that he
tried to project to the rest of the world. There had always been a fear
in the back of his mind that she wouldn't need him any more if she
thought him weak or imperfect. Recently, though, he had begun to let
his guard down little by little. Even now, he couldn't turn around to
face her, to throw his arms around her and bury himself in her
embrace like he secretly wished he could.

But what he could do was confess. He just had to say it out loud to
someone. "I moved him to that spot a few days ago to fill a hole. I
knew it was cutting it close, that he didn't have much time to get used
to the new position, but I thought..." He swallowed hard. "He was a
veteran. I thought he could handle it."

"Why would you presume otherwise? He if any could handle it. He just run
out luck, it's not your doing," Aileyan spoke with conviction. After all,
she had knewn N'cean, they had
been wingmates for a long time.

"Do you think that will be much of a comfort to his weyrmate? Or to
their twin girls who will have no memory of their father?" They were on
his mind as much, if not more, than N'cean. The image of her crying
over his body... That was never an easy sight, but for some reason, he
could understand better now than ever before just how deep a loss it was
for her.

"No. They just have to do the same rest of us do, greave and keep going,"
Aileyan said softly, remembering her own recent loss. She still missed
M'non so bad it hurt.

U'kaiah turned around to face her, lifting a hand to gently caress her
cheek. "I'm so grateful now that G'nir made you move to Hygalia's Wing.
If something had happened to you and it was my responsibility, I don't
know how crazy that would have made me."

She never had thought of that point of view and his words made her smile
softly.

He kissed her softly, resting his forehead against hers for a long moment.
So many thoughts filled his head. Memories of N'cean, memories of his
death, the thought that it could have been Aileyan... But between her
comforting presence and Kalamath's gentle reassurances, he finally took a
deep breath and shoved those thoughts down as much as he could. For now,
at least. "I suppose I can't stay in this bathing pool forever, can I."

"Well, that depends...if you want to look like a wrinkled prune," Aileyan
teased him gently.

"Does the look work for me?" he asked, smiling back, though it was more an
attempt at normalcy than any real humor. "Get me a towel while I give
myself one more quick scrub will you?"

"I could scrub your back," Aileyan suggested while she reached for the
towel. She didn't have any sexual, ulterior motives, although she certainly
wouldn't mind if he did.

It was never an easy spot to reach, and he didn't really feel like putting
much effort into it. "That'd be nice." He turned around and presented his
back to her.

She set to work. She had to admit she liked it. It didn't take a long to
wash his back.

U'kaiah closed his eyes as she worked, enjoying the feeling of her touch.
It was soothing, but dark thoughts began to creep in again. He reached
back for her hands to wrap around him once more. "I just remembered,
N'cean's name was Norcean when we were in Harper classes. I had forgotten
that. Girls get to keep their names, but men forget who they used to be
sometimes."

"Terrible unfair. I would be A'yan." She kept her face serious.

"Oh, Faranth save us, that would never do. Women should keep their
beautiful names in tact," he said with a slight smile, leaning down to kiss
her arm. "Can you imagine calling me 'U'rak'?"

"No. I can't imagine any other name for you than the one you have," Aileyan
replied.

"When I played Weyrleader as a child, that was always my name, U'rak. It
never once occurred to me that my name could be anything else." The name
sounded strong to him, powerful like a Weyrleader should be. "Then
Kalamath hatched from his shell, and I immediately could hear him calling
my name - 'U'kaiah'. And that was that. I've been 'U'kaiah' ever since."

"Cute," Aileyan smiled. "I keep wondering if Ravyan will ever be R'yan."

"Do you want him to be?" U'kaiah had never even questioned whether his
sons would be dragonriders. He just assumed they would be, just like him.
But there were moments when he feared the moment of their Impression.
That would be the moment that would determine their fate. Perhaps being a
crafter and dying an old man in his bed wasn't a glorious death, but when
he looked on those left behind with shattered lives, he could see very
little romance in a rider's death.

"I want him to be...whatever he wants to be. Harper, dragonrider or cook,
whatever makes him happy," she answered after moment of thought.

"Even if what he wants to be might be the death of him?" Since rumors of
Thread first flew around the Weyrhold, the bronzerider had accepted that he
would die Fighting their ancient enemy. He wasn't sure he wanted those he
loved to share his fate.

"Look, what I really want as a mother is to wrap him in furs and lock in to
the closet, so he would never hurt himself. But that's just not the right
way," Aileyan said.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything." It was very selfish of him to
burden Aileyan with his own dark thoughts. "We should talk about something
else."

"That's all right," Aileyan said soothingly and pressed her forehead
against his. She needed to be calm for him and not get tempers flaring.
Getting U'kaiah open up was important.

He closed his eyes, leaning into her. "I guess I'm not being very good
company today, am I."

"We all have those days," she said.

Last updated on the December 10th 2012

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One of those days