I Need You

Writers: Eimi, Suzee
Date Posted: 28th August 2012
Series: It takes Time to Love

Characters: U'kaiah, Tavia
Description: U'kaiah keeps his promise to be there for Tavia
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 8, day 19 of Turn 6
Notes: Follows "So Much Harder"

Tavia

Tavia had joined up with the wing for drills and at first she found it
difficult to concentrate. But after she'd been called on it once she
refocused and realized she was being watched as closely as any injured
rider would have been. From there she concentrated but no matter how
hard she tried, her son's face or his smell or just the phantom of his
cry would turn her attention.

It was a weyrling's cry of "incoming" that whipped her head around
just as a bag of stone came flying at her and though she caught it, it
landed painfully on her thigh. She had no one to blame but herself.

After drills she went to the baths and cleaned off the effects of the
day and chatted with the other riders in the wing. For a moment it
almost seemed like old times before U'kaiah and before Kaiavin but
only almost.

Soon she was on her way to her weyr to wait until U'kaiah could
finally break away as he'd promised. She tried reading one of the
stories he'd read to her on the night of the hurricane but she
couldn't concentrate and even found herself walking into her room to
check on the baby. She turned around and headed to her sideboard for a
glass of wine.

"Is there a glass for me?" U'kaiah asked, watching her move across the
room as he passed through the curtain to her ledge. His hair was still
damp from it's scrubbing, but he had kept his promise to come as soon as
he could.

"U'kaiah!" She ran across the room to throw her arms around his waist.

He was surprised at her reaction to seeing him, almost as if she hadn't
seen him just that morning and the whole day before besides. It was an
even greater relief considering how rotten their evening had turned out
to be. "How was your day?" he asked, pulling her close and resting his
chin on the top of her head.

"Not the best," she mumbled against his chest. She drew strength for a
moment longer before she answered his previous question. "I have both
red and white. Which would you like?"

"Whichever you're having," he said, not releasing her completely, but
moving so he could curl an arm around her middle and steer her back
towards the sideboard. "Did drills go all right?"

"Oh," she groaned, then she chuckled. "I am so sore." She reached for
the two glasses. "And you wouldn't believe the big bruise on my
thigh." She shook her head.

"What?" He looked down at her leg, though of course it was now covered.
"What happened? It's nothing serious, I take it."

"No, just me losing concentration for a moment when a weyrling tossed
me a bag of stone. Bad catch." She was still upset with herself over
that one.

That brought a frown to U'kaiah's face, and a furrow to his brow. He
warred with himself for a moment before saying, "Please, Tavia, for
Faranth's sake, be more careful." As a Wingleader, he had seen plenty
of injuries, even fatalities, caused by just a slip of concentration.
Had she been in his Wing, he would have given her the full brunt of his
displeasure, not out of cruelty, but out of true concern. He knew she
already understood her error, and most likely had learned from it, but
to not say something, to not _do_ anything to protect her, however
small, he just could not bare it. Just the simple act of saying it made
him feel at least a little better. "I'm sorry. I know you probably
didn't need me to state the obvious, but one of my greatest fears is
that something might happen to you, and I won't know or won't be able to
get here fast enough. I just need you to stay safe, Tavia."

"I know," she sighed. "I'm clearly not ready to fly Fall. That was a
weyrling mistake." She saw the look in his eyes and could only guess
at his thoughts. "I'll be careful. It's just..." How could she
possibly explain what had happened up there? "For a split second I
though I heard Kaiavin cry and I turned my head. Silly right? Like
I'm really going to hear him on dragonback in the middle of the sky!"

U'kaiah didn't know what to say to that other than the standby
reassurance of, "It will get easier. You'll see." But even as the
words left his lips, it felt inadequate. There was just nothing he
could say that could hasten the process of grieving along. "Come on,
let's pour the wine and then I'll give you a shoulder rub. And you can
show me that bruise of yours."

"Alright," she smiled and lifted the skin to pour. Once she'd half
filled the glasses she put it down and handed him one. "I don't _ever_
turn down a good massage." Of course there was always where his
massages went and that thought alone was stimulating. She carried her
glass toward the couch and setting down her drink, dropped her
trousers before she sat down. "Look at that," she had a large purple
and blue mark covering her lower thigh from just above her knee to
half way up her leg.

He whistled softly, setting his glass aside and leaning in for a closer
look. It certainly was nasty. U'kaiah gently touched the skin along
the edges. Looking up with genuine concern in his eyes he asked, "Has a
healer looked at this?"

She chuckled, "I'm looking at it right now." She rubbed his shoulder
and reassured him. "I had Vandor take a look. Nothing's broken but
it's a deep tissue bruise and will take awhile to heal. I have my kit
if I need anything for it."

He shrugged with a small, knowing smile. "I know you don't need me to
do anything. You certainly don't need me to take care of you. It's
just in my nature to try to fix things. I can't help it." Even he
could find that personality trait annoying at times.

"Oh but I do need you," she replied with a liquid smile. "Just the
fact that you came..." and just like that her eyes welled up even
though she still tried to smile even as her chin quivered.

U'kaiah had been talking about a bruise, but he could see that the hurt
that he really needed to help fix was much deeper. "Come here," he
said, taking her hand and pulling her towards him.

She went willingly into his arms and laid her head against his
shoulder. "I'm sorry about last night," she said softly.

"So am I," he said as he cuddled her close. U'kaiah still was not sure
what exactly he had done to make her so angry at him, but he had
obviously failed her expectations somehow, and for that he truly was
sorry. And despite the fact that apologies having been made, they could
leave that whole mess of a discussion behind them, there was one point
he needed to clarify.

After holding her silently a moment, he turned so he could face her,
lifting her face to his so he could look her in the eye. "Tavia, when I
asked last night if you could accept me, knowing that I would not be
monogamous and could not weyrmate you, I was not asking you to promise
anything to me. What I wanted to ask you, and what I failed at
communicating, is that I would like to know that if I ever asked you,
considering how little I have to offer you, would it be enough for you
to transfer with Kaiavin to Dragonsfall?"

She was silent for a long moment as she searched his face. Her mind
was a whirl of activity though. Her whole life was at Dolphin Cove.
"That's a big question," she said carefully. "I do love you. I hope
you realize that, and I've never tried to put strings on you." She
took a deep breath. "But wow! That's a big step. My whole life is
here. My parents...." She looked at him intently. "You'd understand if
I'd had to think about it. Right?"

"Of course," he quickly nodded, knowing that she would need time. "But
I need you to understand that I'm not asking you yet. I've wanted to
ask you for a long time, but, Aileyan..." Shards, if she could only see
how scared the thought of what she might do made him. "I need her
approval before I officially ask you. She doesn't understand as easily
as you do. It's all right now because you're here and she's there. But
if you came to Dragonsfall, she would truly have to share me with
someone else and I really don't know if she's willing to do that. Even
just asking her... I really don't know what she'll do. I _will_ ask
her, but only if say you would come." Otherwise he would risk losing
Aileyan for nothing.

She had understood it was a 'what if' kind of question when he asked
so she just nodded as he went on. Obviously he had some significant
concerns where Aileyan was concerned. She was rather relieved he
wasn't intending to ask her to weyrmate. She didn't know if she could
do that again, or if she even wanted to. She rather liked her
independence

"I'll let you know as soon as I have a decision for you." Of course
she realized how much he cared about the other greenrider _and_ her
son. He'd never hidden that from her. In fact, it had been one of the
things that comforted her when he wasn't around. He cared about them
both enough to tell them about one another.

"Thank you," he said softly, pulling her back down to cradle her against
his chest, his cheek resting against the top of her head. "I really
want you to come, Tavia." And his one great hope was the Aileyan could
learn to accept her being part of their little family, if that was what
they could be called.

After a moment, some words she had said earlier floated to the front of
his thoughts. He had pushed them back long enough to deal with the
issue at hand, but now that it seemed done for the moment... "Tavia,
did you mean it when you said you loved me?"

She paused a moment. She hadn't realized that she'd said it but now
that she thought about it she knew she did. She loved him!

"Yes," she said simply. "I love you."

"Huh," U'kaiah grunted softly, his brow furrowing ever so slightly as he
considered why those three words were making his heart beat so heavily
in his chest that it seemed to swell, and yet float. He blinked a few
times, hearing his breath whistling through his nose. The thought
occurred to him that after such a declaration, more would be expected
then a simple grunt. An explanation at least! "No one has ever said
that to me. Not in the present tense, at least."

There was so much about U'kaiah to admire she found it hard to credit
his statement. But his reaction wasn't the automatic repeat of the
words that didn't mean anything. In time perhaps he'd be able to speak
his own feelings but this was enough for now. She hadn't said it with
any intent of drawing out the same declaration from the big bronze
rider.

"Make love to me," she said softly. "I need you."

U'kaiah tilted her face towards his, his fingers caressing her cheek as
his eyes locked on hers. He was not ready to say the words back to her.
They had not served him well in the past. But he willed her to see the
sincerity in his gaze as he murmured, "I need _you_, too, Tavia."

For Tavia in that moment, it was enough. She smiled happily and kissed
him.

Last updated on the September 1st 2012

[Prev: U'kaiah's Worst Nightmare (2/2)] Series: It takes Time to Love [Next: A Little Gift]

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

I Need You