The Worst Hurt
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 2nd January 2006
Characters: Traelyn, B'ram
Description: A furious Traelyn finds her way to B'ram weyr, and things end abruptly
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 9, day 9 of Turn 3
Notes: Follows "That's It, Then?"
Traelyn's nails bit into her palms as she stood outside of B'ram's weyr, her jaw tightening. She was breathing heavily - and not just because she had walked rather quickly to get here. Her hair was a wild tangle around her, and her eyes were just as wild. Cold, hard.
Angry.
How _dare_ he tell J'darin! The sharding brownrider had no scruples! None! Why couldn't he just leave well enough _alone_? Why did he have to smear dirt all over her?
A small whisper of sense flitted through her thoughts, telling her to take a step back and just breathe. Telling her that this wasn't the only reason about why she was so upset, for so many events had passed in the last sevenday - events that had affected her and those she cared for. Telling her that she shouldn't start another brushfire on B'ram. She shouldn't take out her anxiety, her hurt, her anger, and yes, even that hint of fear, out on him.
She shouldn't.
Her white knuckles rapped on his door again. Louder this time. Impatient.
Angry.
"All right, all right, I'm coming," B'ram called irritably as he laid his half mended riding straps aside. He opened the door and faced the fiery eyed Weyrwoman without flinching and his voice colored with little of the politeness his chosen words would suggest. "Yes, Weyrwoman? Can I help you?"
"You _sharding_ bastard," she snarled, shoving through into his weyr. Her head whipped around, her eyes flashing furiously up into his. "It's one thing to have your own opinion of me. I _know_ what you sharding think of me and I don't sharding _care_. But for you to tell _him_
about_L'kub_! No one - _no one_ - has the right to know about him unless _I_ tell them! Not _you_!"
"I have as _much_ right to talk about L'kub as you," he growled back. How dare she barge into his room _again_ just to yell at him! "Don't you _ever_ forget that he was always my best friend! Before, during and after that time you were his so-called lover I was always there for him!"
A wave of guilt at his words threatened to crush her. And to fight it, she fought _him_. "_So-called lover_?" She took a step closer, her fists clenching. "How _dare_ you! You had _no right_ to talk about _us_ to him! What you did was worse than sharding gossip by itself, B'ram!"
"No right? No _right_?!" B'ram didn't even attempt to hide the fury he was feeling at that moment as his hands too balled into fists. "It was my life too, you know! While you were off bedding Faranth-knows-who, you left L'kub in the dust with a broken heart. And _guess_ who was there to help him pick up the pieces! Me! That's who!"
Tears filled her eyes. Guilty tears. Shocked tears. Angry tears. "_Shut up_!"
"Truth hurts, doesn't it!" Turns of pent up frustration began to spill to the surface as B'ram finally had his say. "All you had to do was tell him it was over and move on with your life. Did you really think it would be that easy for him to move on? Do you know how many sleepless nights he suffered? How many tears he cried? No! You wouldn't know! You had moved on! But getting over you is hard, and I know because..." B'ram paused for a moment. No, he couldn't say that. "I know because I was right there with him!"
Memories flashed through her mind; L'kub laughing, rolling her over in his bed, kissing her; L'kub walking with her, helping her with Nyith; L'kub swimming with her, playing waterball, chasing her along the beach, tackling her, and caressing her, kissing her, to make up for it after they hit the ground; L'kub in her weyr, sitting on her bed, she in his lap...
She remembered his face that day as every angry word she hurled at him wounded him deeper and deeper. Words she could never take back - and when she had wanted to, it had been too late. Too late...
Those tears that were lingering in her eyes slipped from her lashes. "_Shut up_, B'ram!"
"And you just flew through life blind! Bouncing from rider to rider, and you never once looked back, did you! Because if you had you would have seen him, Trae! You would have seen those eyes of his!"
The brownrider could feel stinging in his own eyes as he remembered his friend. First gentle and carefree, with eyes that were soft and calm like a childs. And he remembered how all that changed when Trae broke his heart. He remembered too how the hardness had crept in as he watched Trae move on with her life. And his stomach twisted and wrenched into a painful knot at the thought of what B'ram _himself_ had done. If L'kub had ever known about that sharding kiss, and so many nights when he imagined so much more... Until there was Atreyn. Sharding woman!
"I wasn't sharding blind!" she screamed at him. His hand had been so cold...so still... His face so still...his expression, frozen like that forever, had been so cold... Guilt swamped her - guilt she thought she had left far behind her at Far Island.
"You _were_ blind!" B'ram screamed back, his voice breaking with the strain of raw emotion, fresh pain. "You were blind if you thought he felt anything more than just caring for Vicessa! He tried to love her, but how could he? How could he when he was still so sharding in love with you? Until the day he died! Until the sharding day he _died_ Traelyn! How could you be _that blind_!"
Tears ran down his face unchecked as he too remembered L'kub's lifeless body, laid out so carefully on that bed, wrapped tightly up to the armpits in that sheet so that no one would see the hallow cavity the Thread had eaten into his abdomen. Shards, if he had only been cleared to fly that day!
Everything she'd been running from, trying to forget, came crashing down to drag her into the dark undertowe of her sharp guilt and desperate pain.
Blue Versith's scream of agony as he thew himself off the ledge to /between/ echoed in her ears...in her mind. It was unbearable!
Fighting the sobs that threatened to break through, she instinctively raised her hands as if she could escape the shrill sound of her memories. Traelyn had meant to cover her ears, but her hand instead connected with B'ram's cheek. Hard.
The blow stunned him back into the present, his mind cleared of its grief by the shock of pain. He looked her into guilt ridden face and a mix of feeling washed over him - a twinge of shame for the gut wrenching pain he could see he had caused in her eyes, and a hint of triumph for finally saying to her everything he had always wanted to say, but didn't. "Do you really think that will bring him back, Trae? Do you think that will wipe away what happened? If you do then hit me again! Hit me again, Trae!" He grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him. "Come on, _hit me_!"
Her scream was caught between a sob and snarl as her nails scratched down his chest, clawing at the material of his tunic as he pulled her closer.
The adrenaline of his anger dulled the pain of the impact as he grabbed her hand and brought it to his face. Her grey eyes were flashing with fire and he felt drawn into the heat radiating from them. "Hit me! What are you waiting for!"
Her hand moved, her nails grazing at the flesh of his cheek as it slipped around grasp his hair. Hard. Her other hand, which was balled into a tight fist, unclenched to grab his arm, her were teeth bared - almost feral with her pain.
His hands wrapped around her waist as he pulled her up against his body, grinning with vengeful satisfaction because he knew _he_ was winning. "Do you really think you can hurt me any more than you already have?" he growled softly.
Her eyes, cold and beautiful, flashed with anger as they met his. Tears trailed down her cheeks as she snarled, "_Yes_." Then she leaned in, her mouth finding his in a hard, passionate kiss. This was the worst hurt she could give him - and they both knew it.
Shards he knew she was right, but it felt too flaming good to fight it.
B'ram kissed her back fiercely but pulled away so he could throw her over his shoulder and carry her back to his bed. If she was going to rip his heart out, he was going to make it as painful for the both of them as he possibly could.
Last updated on the January 2nd 2006