Is This the End?

Writers: Eimi, Ames
Date Posted: 13th February 2011

Characters: J'nev, Cardella
Description: Cardella confronts J'nev about their relationship and things end badly
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 13, day 7 of Turn 5

Cardella

She hadn't intended to seek him out, but somehow Cardella found herself
walking towards the Weyrlake. She knew that it was a favorite place of
J'nev's on restday, but it was also a spot she too enjoyed. Truly, she
hadn't expected to see him there. She'd walked past the lake on other
restdays since her Impression and hadn't seen him. When her eyes feel on
his back, Cardella paused for a moment, just staring at him.

Truth be told, she'd hardly seen neither hide or hair of him since her
Impression, unless you counted the few times she spotted him far across
the Bowl while she was too busy tending to Awenth. The little green
sprout was resting, thank the skies, which meant Cardella was in no real
hurry.

"J'nev," Cardella said as she approached him.

The bronzerider whirled around, surprised at the sound of his name. Oh.
It was her. Well, he supposed there was no way to escape meeting her
forever. "Hi," he said, plastering on a smile.

"Hello," she replied, moving forward and sitting down near him, not
quite as close as she might have in the past, but not too far away
either.

"I haven't seen much of you lately." She said, tilting her head to look
closely at him. "Awenth has claimed much of my time." **Though I think
there is more to this distance than that,** she thought. Her
conversation with
Aileyan came to mind as well. One way or another, she felt she needed to
find out what exactly was going on between them now.

He could tell from her expression that she felt he had a bit of
explaining to do. But really, what did she expect? Just because she
was a lovesick fool didn't mean he would have to act like one! He
wanted to say as much, but Turns of being raised to never hurt a girl
warred with his desire to be honest. "I figured she would have.
Weyrlinghood is a busy time."

"Yes, that it is. How have you been, J'nev?" She asked him, deciding to
start with something a bit easier. Cardella reached her hand down and
traced her fingers along the ground. **Why did this seem harder than it
should
have?** She wondered.

"Busy. My Wingleader's been having me do a lot of sweeprides and
watches at odd times of the day. Even rest days." Which was true. He
couldn't help but feel that since Aileyan's Flight he had been singled
out by U'kaiah for the worst jobs.

"Ah, I see." **Maybe T'bel and Aileyan were wrong about him,** she
thought. **He was just busy, that was all.**

"I know I'm not really allowed to interact, but I've..." Cardella paused
and looked up at him with a small smile. "I've missed you."

"I know," J'nev said softly, returning her small smile. "Me too," he
lied. Actually he was relieved when she Impressed and was off limits.
It meant he didn't have to pretend to have deep running feelings for her
any more. He just gave her a little education was all. It wasn't like
he had ever _promised_ her anything more.

She heard his words, but unlike before, Cardella found herself not truly
believing them. **What had changed?** She wondered. Just months ago she
all but hung on every word he spoke, and now, she found herself curious,
but not enraptured. Was it Awenth? Was it what T'bel and Aileyan had
told her? She wasn't sure what it was, but she knew she felt differently
than she had felt before. There was still a place of her heart that seemed to
long for him and the love and attention he had showered on her in a way
no one had before.

"Why did you choose me?" She suddenly asked him, curious as to what had
motivated him to show any interest in her at all.

He knew **Because you were there and I was bored,** was not a good
answer to that question. Instead, he settled for something even closer
to the truth. "Because you weren't like the other girls."

Cardella tilted her head to look on him intently. "How am I different
than the other girls? Was it because I wasn't a rider? Because that has
clearly changed now."

"It doesn't have anything to do with being a rider." Not initially at
least. He had been attracted to her innocence which he had just _known_
would not last. It never did in a Weyr. And Faranth knew she gave it
up to him easily enough! It had made him lose all respect, and
interested, in the girl. What made her different from every other girl
in the Weyr now? Nothing. "You were just different is all."

"I see," she replied, looking down at the ground before her. "Was it
because you were attracted to me? Me, the girl who was never as pretty
as the others?" She looked up at him, doing her best to hold in any of
her emotions. "Or maybe it was because you thought you could use me? Was
that it J'nev?" Cardella was talking a mile a minute and wouldn't give
him a chance to talk. "Because you know, that's what everyone else has
been telling me. All about bronzeriders and how their _ways_. Here, I thought
it was because you saw something in me that the others had never seen. That you
could actually _like_, no, maybe even _love_ me." Cardella let out an
almost hysterical laugh. "Are they telling me the truth, J'nev. Was this just
some game to you?" Cardella turned and stared at him. She could sense
Awenth being more restless in her sleep, but for the moment, the green
did not awaken.

Her words were a little too close to truth, and J'nev didn't like it.
"Oh, that's what you think, eh? That I'm just like every other
bronzerider and I can't have real emotions that are started in my pants!
How could you, _you_, lump me in with all those heartless asses? I
thought you knew me better. You said you loved me, but I guess those
were just pretty words used to draw me in!" There! He had turned it
right back on her!

Cardella ignored the tears that fell from her eyes. Her lower lip
quivered, but she didn't back down. Something had given her the strength
to fight.

"I drew _you_ in. Me? You, the one person I thought I could trust in
this place, blames _me_ for using you?" She gasped out past the tears
that fell from her eyes. "A heartless ass takes a girl's innocence and makes
her believe someone could actually love her. Clearly she was a fool and
allowed herself to be wooed by that nice ass and glib words." She wasn't
sure where the words had come from or why they had even spewed out now.
Something inside her had been questioning things for months now, and somehow all
those questions had bubbled up into this moment.

Though he knew deep down he deserved every pointed word she hurled his
way, he would not allow himself to prove her right. After all, he
didn't take her innocence! It was freely given! And she had been oh so
eager to surrender it to him. What was a little lie to teach her a
lesson that not all brozneriders were U'kaiahs? "I might have fallen in
love with you, Cardella, but thank Faranth I hadn't surrendered my heart
to you before your true self was revealed. You think I avoided you
because I didn't care? I've been avoiding you because I didn't think I
could be around you and not touch you! I was afraid if I spent time
with you, I would be tempted to kiss you and do a harm to your lifemate.
I've been sharding avoiding you because I wanted to protect you! Thank
Faranth I had, or I might not have realized that you are _exactly_ like
all the other girls in the Weyr!"

She gasped like she had been punched in the gut. "I don't...I don't
believe you," she managed though in her heart and mind she wasn't as
certain as she had been just moments before. "You act like I haven't heard the talk
about you around the Weyr." His words stung far deeper than she wanted
to admit. She sensed Awenth and the concern her groggy lifemate felt.
"Either way, it seems I'm the fool," she muttered. She pushed up from the ground and
whirled around, hating the tears that wouldn't stop falling. She sucked
in a shuddering breath as she turned back to him. "I _was_ wrong about you
J'nev. You're far worse than the others say. Trying to make me feel like
this was my fault. You know what. You're right. It was my fault. I allowed
myself to believe you. I won't ever do it again. I hope someday, someone hurts
you the way you have me." She knew it was spiteful and vindictive, but deep
down she found she _truly_ meant it. Cardella turned and ran quickly away
from him, uncaring about the tears that fell from her face or the anguished
cries she heard from her sweet Awenth. She was confused and hurt and felt more
exposed than she ever had in her life.

**What talk around the Weyr?** he wanted to know! But he'd be damned
/between/ before he'd follow her and ask her. How dare she believe all
that gossip about him! She had said she loved him! If she had really
loved him, she would have believed _him_, right? She would have
defended him, not just accepted anyone's word again him! She really was
just like every other girl in the Weyr. Thank Faranth he _hadn't_
fallen in love with her! Well, he would make sure everyone would know
_his_ side of the story, too!

Last updated on the March 21st 2012

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

Is This the End?