Heading to Dangerous Grounds

Writers: Eimi, Paula
Date Posted: 9th November 2010

Characters: U'kaiah, Aileyan
Description: U'kaiah shows up at Aileyan's door and doesn't get quite the welcome he expects
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 11, day 15 of Turn 5
Notes: Mentions: J'nev, G'nir

Note: Follows "From the Red Star"

U'kaiah whistled as he walked towards the greenrider's room, stopping
only to smile at the people he passed along the corridor. He was in a
very cheerful mood that day. It was amazing how a little getaway could
revitalize a person! Even if it was only for a day. For a whole day,
there was no Red Star, there was no G'nir sneering over his shoulder,
there were no pressures from Weyr or Wing. Just he and Aileyan on a
beach, in a bathing pool, in the furs... And shards, in the furs! When
that girl relaxed, she really let go! Just the memory of it sent a
little thrill through him, and the idea that he would see her again so
soon, even if it were under false pretenses, made him feel like a young
weyrling again.

As always when Aileyan wanted to think and some comfort, she had gone to
Kjarliheth's ledge and curled up next to the green's side. She put a
protective wing over her and even Timor appreared to consore Aileyan.
She was hurt and angry. She didn't know who she hated right now. U'kaiah
for being U'kaiah or J'nev for ruining her day.

U'kaiah had knocked, but there had been no answer. Peeking his head
into the weyr he called softly, "Aileyan? Aileyn? Are you here?"

Aileyan lifter her head, **Shards!** she had completely forgotten that
U'kaiah was coming. With heavy heart she got up and walked across the
weyr to open the door.

Not knowing the mood she had been in, U'kaiah greeted her with a happy
smile. "Hey there. Trying to hide from me?"

"Yes," Aileyan replied, her face blank, eyes empty. Her walls were up
again and she was not ready to letting anyone breach them again.

"I was kidding," he said with a less assured smile this time. Cocking
his head to the side, he wondered if she had meant that or was making an
attempt at a joke. Sometimes it was a little hard to tell. Moving a
little closer, he leaned down with the intention of kissing her.

Aileyan backed away from him. "Don't," she warned. "Don't touch me."

Now that was a surprise. He stopped, not moving, but a look of utter
confusion crossed his face. "What's wrong?"

"Why don't you ask J'nev what's wrong," Aileyan suggested. She went to
sit on her sofa, pulling her legs against her chest.

"Why _would_ I ask him? What does he have to do with anything?"
U'kaiah's puzzlement was quickly turning into annoyance. What did he
have to do with them at all?

"He takes such a pleasure of being tell-tale and running around ruining
people's day," she said. "He's been telling me of your other
adventures."

"What other adventures?" he asked, throwing his arms up helplessly as he
sat down on the far side of the sofa. Hitching his elbow onto the arm
he began rubbing his temple, anticipating a headache.

"Screwing someone on your office?" Aileyan said. "I wish I had know, it
wouldn't felt like a kick in a belly."

"He's a sharding wherry's ass for meddling in our business," U'kaiah
growled, glad the boy was nowhere in sight. "But do you _really_ want
me to tell you when I see another woman?"

"I don't know. It's none of my business, I know that." she let out a
frustrated sigh and hit a sofa-pillow. "I shouldn't care wherry's arse
what your doing and with whom, but I do, and that's the problem." She
looked at him. "This was never meant to be more than bit of comfort
while I was getting over Ednan."

"Well, I don't regret that it's been more." Though there was really
nothing he could do to make her let go of her Holdbred morales. "But
whatever I do with another woman has _nothing_ to do with you. It
doesn't change how I feel about you at all."

"Maybe, but it changes how I feel," she scowled. "This is gotten too
far, can't you see it? We are heading towards dangerous ground."

He hadn't felt that way. They had barely gotten to know each other as
far as he could tell. But if she was feeling this kind of jealousy now,
maybe she was right. Maybe they were going to far. But he didn't want
to believe it. She was just starting to open up so he really _could_
know her. Sighing, he laid his head back on the cushions, not sure
himself what to do. "So what are you saying? You want to end this?"

"Yes, for now. I need a break from this. Besides, G'nir is just waiting
to bounce on you, I wouldn't want to be the reason," she was looking for
reasons, she knew it.

"I don't care about G'nir. We haven't done anything wrong." Not yet.
Not that he ever thought they really _would_. They were just two people
who liked spending time together. Well, at least, that had been how he
had seen it. "I don't want it to end like this."

"Not yet, but is it going to stay that way? As far as I see, we would
only get more involved, and then someone would get hurt, one way or the
other," Aileyan said.

"I've always been the one who got hurt." Syntara ended it, Jaela died,
Trae fell in love with another man. U'kaiah was intimately aware of the
pain she was talking about. "But there's not a one of them that I can't
look back on and say that I would do it all again. Sometimes the
memories, and the lessons learned they leave you with, sometimes they're
worth all the hurt. I refuse to live my life afraid of pain that
_might_ be. I like you. I like being with you. And that's all that
matters to me right now."

Aileyan shook her head. She had to gather her resolve. He had such ways
to sway her. "But you wouldn't be _just_ with me. And I can't get rid
of my hold-bound ways and accept it without feeling anything. I'm
starting to get possessive, and that is not healthy."

"No, it's not healthy." He leaned forward, placing his elbows on his
knees and rubbed his eyes wearily. This conversation had certainly
sapped all the positive energy that had carried him through the day and
was leaving him utterly drained. Why did she have to be so sharding
reasonable and guarded all the time? Why could she not just enjoy the
time they had instead of fretting about the future? Of all the things
he had taught her over the last sevendays, he would have hoped living in
the moment would have been the one lesson she could have taken to heart.

"I need time away from you," Aileyan said, she looked away.
She felt like crying.

He wanted to ask her just how much time she needed, and just what she
thought time would accomplish. But instead he just silently nodded his
agreement. This was a fight he knew he could not win.

Why couldn't he say something, yell at her? That would had made her feel
better. Nows she felt like she had stabbed him or something.

Part of him wondered if this whole unfortunate incident could be
forgotten if he just reached for her, pulled her into his arms, and
reminded her how good it had felt to be together just that very morning.
But he couldn't make her understand that what he felt for her had
nothing to do with anyone else. That she _could_ be special to a person
even if she were not their one and only. Why couldn't she let go of
that hidebound notion that you could only care about one person at a
time? Until she did, even if he did convince her now, they would just
come back to this. And this was a problem he could not fix because, at
least in his mind, the problem was not his.

"Well, I guess I should go," he said softly, dropping his hands from his
face to push himself up off the cushion. U'kaiah looked down at her,
wishing they could take back this entire day. One thing was for sure,
J'nev had better stay out of his way for a while. "If you ever want to
find me..."

"I know where you are," she said, her voice was strained with the effort
of not bawling out loud and throwing herself into his arms.

**This is not how I wanted this to end,** U'kaiah thought as he fixed
his eyes on the door, and willed his legs to carry him through it.

As soon as the door had closed, Aileyan curled around the pillow and
started crying.

Last updated on the November 20th 2010

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