May I Ask You Something?

Writers: Ames, Clancey
Date Posted: 27th October 2010

Characters: J'darin, Cardella
Description: J'darin finds Cardella and joins her for dinner. But, he gets more than he bargained for as their conversation turns serious.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 11, day 3 of Turn 5
Notes: Mentioned: J'nev, E'naer, Dyaera and Zelle (only in thoughts)

J'darin

Cardella

Cardella, for once, was enjoying her meal as a guest rather than a server. It was quite a nice change. She'd been working hard since her arrival at the Weyr, and truth be told, she liked it most of the time. Still, it was nice to be able to sit back and just enjoy some relaxing time as well.

J'darin was alone this evening. A usual happening, actually, but he found that he wasn't quite sure he wanted to be alone tonight. At least, not for dinner. With Oak wrapped comfortingly around his neck, he gathered his tray of food and a mug of ale before scanning the dining hall for someone who not only would like _his_ company, but who's company he would enjoy as well.

It was, odd, really, being in the Weyrling wing. He didn't have "wingmates" necessarily to eat with, at least not ones that weren't half his age for the most part. Except E'naer, and he didn't wish to inflict his company on the greenrider unless asked.

With that in mind, he spied one of his young Candidates eating alone; the one he had helped in the corridors on her first full day here. Memory provided her name easily; after all, he saw her in classes each day, and he paused by her table. Would she _mind_ the Weyrlingmaster joining her? Faranth knew J'darin didn't care who he sat with, as long as everyone was happy to be there.

"Cardella? You seem to be relaxing for dinner. Mind if I join you by any chance?" She was a pretty thing, he thought, as he smiled at her. So very young though...

A faint smile curved his lips as he thought a little more. But if she Impressed, she would grow up rapidly.

Cardella looked up and her face brightened considerably. "Weyrlingmaster J'darin!" She exclaimed. She'd not spoken with him much one-on-one since shortly after her arrival, though she hung on nearly his every word in class. She wanted to do herself, her family, and everyone proud when she stood on those hatching sands.

"Of course you can join me." Cardella gestured a bit too enthusiastically to the seat and knocked her utensil right off her plate, sending some stray bits of food flying. She blushed profusely at her clumsiness.

"I've learned alot, sir," she told him, even as she fiddled a bit with her hands. "In your class, I mean."

J'darin smiled broadly at her obvious pleasure at his company. He didn't fool himself into thinking it was _him_ necessarily. But more his "role" as Weyrlingmaster that she enjoyed. He had already noted how furiously she applied herself to learning all he and E'naer and the other staff had to teach about being a Candidate, and dragonrider. She would make a fantastic rider! He amused himself for a moment, watching her face as she spoke, imagining it during her first Flight, and all the other joys of Weyrlinghood, then the sadness and fright that came with Blooding. How would she survive that, he found himself wondering? And how wonderful it would be to watch her grow up a little more and hope Hasaarth catches her green, a green who would no doubt be as amazing as her rider.

Then, a little angrily, he took himself in hand. She was a _child_. A _child_! So what if she was one of the few who actually seemed to enjoy his company and teaching? She was so young. His job was to teach her and train her, and then let her go.

All of this went on behind his head, and those startling intense blue eyes as he grinned at her.

"Its a pleasure to have those who _want_ to learn the way you do, Cardella. Believe it or not, lots of younglings come here, especially those Weyr-bred, thinking they already know it all and Candidate classes are for dimglows or.. worse.. _Hold_bred." The grin broadened though, to show her he was joking. He was, after all, Craft-bred himself.

"You seem to be learning very quickly, lass. Can I help you with any thing? You're settling into life here at the Weyr alright?" The intensity in his eyes increased a moment, then faded almost completely. He didn't want to scare the girl into _not_ wanting his company.

Cardella couldn't help but blush at his compliments. She was proud of her studies. It was something she'd always felt she was good at. Catching the eyes of boys had never been her gift, not like her sisters, but even that seemed to have changed here at the Weyr.

"You're too kind," she told him quietly, smiling even though she wasn't used to compliments of any kind. "I've enjoyed learning the things here. There's so much to the world that I didn't know before I came here. It's very...eye-opening." She thought about J'nev. He'd definitely opened her eyes to things she'd never known existed. She was completely infatuated with him at the moment and could not imagine herself with anyone else. She worried though, about the talk in the Weyr. People didn't stay together, or so it seemed.

"Weyrlingmaster, may I ask you something, a bit...personal?" She asked biting her bottom lip. "Why is it that people seem, um," she paused, uncertain how to phrase what she wanted to say, "People here don't stay with one person, do they?" She asked, wondering if her question even made sense. She quickly added, "Back home, my mum and da joined together and have stayed together, but things are not the same here. Why is that?"

She looked away for a moment and then spoke quietly, "how do you handle the idea of....someone else?" She turned her eyes to look in his direction. Feeling foolish, but needing advice. She'd all but given her heart to J'nev. What if he didn't want it? Or what if he took it and broke it into a million pieces? How would she ever recover from that?

J'darin chuckled dryly at her comment about ... not staying with one person. "You may call me J'darin when we're not in class, Cardella, if you like." He offered first, while giving himself a moment to phrase his answer in the best way possible.

J'darin was the type to want that monogamous relationship, though, so he did understand her feelings. Thinking about the various goldriders... and one greenrider that drove him nuts (Zelle).... that had captured his heart, he completely understood. Oh yes.

"And for the record, you may ask me anything you like, any time." He gazed at her for a moment, hoping she caught his meaning. "I grew up in a home like yours, lass, though at the Crafthall. My mother and father were joined until he died, recently. They did not precisely love like you hear in harper ballads, but they were...comfortable. So I had some of the same questions as you when I first came to the Weyr as a young man, thinking I knew it all." He winked at her.

"I tell you all that so that you can take my advice for what it is, and know where its coming from." He paused a moment, one last time, to gather his thoughts.

"The Weyr is different because of our dragons. That may seem obvious, at first, but there is more to it. You've been here long enough to have mating flights explained, yes? At least the beginnings of them? You'll learn more _when_ you Impress." Another smile at her, encouraging. "You see, when greens rise, and golds too, though they rise less often, the _dragons_ choose who wins. The _dragons_ choose. And, there is no guarantee that she will choose the same male dragon each time. This is especially fast with the greens. They rise every 3 months or so, and with that kind of frequency, the rider may be changing partners every 3 months as well." He was sort of explaining it backwards, but he was a little embarassed about explaining the intense feelings of a mating flight to a young woman he was beginning to like.

"You see, when your dragon rises, or if you're me, chases a green or a gold, you become one with your dragon for that time period, and you lose conscious control of your desires. All that matters is completing the flight on the ground, with the riders, as the dragons have completed it above, in the sky." He almost blushed. He turned away from her for a moment, hoping to allow her to look away from him if _she_ was embarassed.

"There's more than that, but do you understand at least that part of it?" Now he turned back to her. He would tell her about Thread too, in a moment.

Cardella smiled sweetly at him, remembering to not use the 'tile' when out of class. She listened to everything he had to say, letting the words sink in, even as her cheeks infused with a bit of heat at the conversation. She'd heard plenty of talk about the flights, though she still didn't exactly understand them. Even Asarin and Resta had talked about such things with her. She knew that _things_ happened during a flight, but some of what those things actually were were still a bit foggy for her.

She was curious, albeit perhaps because she'd made a decision so recently herself to join with J'nev, if that was what he still wanted. Yet, she had so many questions. So many, but how did one ask such things of anyone?

His last words caused her to blink and look at him with a bit of a blush and confusion in her eyes. The dragons chose and people did things on the ground that the dragons did in the sky...Cardella had so little experience with mating practices that she wasn't really sure what would happen during a Flight or even with J'nev. She recalled what he'd done when his hands had moved up her skirt. Her face infused with heat and she had to look away. Did J'darin mean that some other person not chosen by _her_ would put his hand up her skirts during a flight? She had to gulp and draw in an unsteady breath at that thought.

When he looked back at her, she nodded. "I...I think I understand that," though she hardly knew what _all_ was involved in mating with another, she know realized that things like that happened in the Weyr quite often. Speaking in a quiet voice she asked, "So, if I Impress a dragon, you're saying this thing," she paused, unable to say a word as she gestured around her with her hand, "will happen each time my dragon rises and I can't choose?" What if she didn't _want_ those things to happen to her by a stranger? How long had it taken her to decide that she would let J'nev continue what he'd tried to start days and days ago? "What if..." her voice was barely a whisper, "what if I don't _want_ someone to..." she stopped and couldn't finish the question as she gazed down, away from him. What if she didn't want just anyone to touch her? How did she stop it from happening?

J'darin considered her questions in silence and was amazed at how sweet and innocent she was, and oh so attractive. Someone was going to hurt this girl terribly if he didn't help her understand. They wouldn't mean to hurt her, probably. Most riders would take care with her in a Flight, as much as they were able to anyway. But outside of a flight... oh there was potential for trouble there.

His heart twisted a bit as he thought of his young greenrider friend, Dyaera. He missed her so much. She had inspired this same need and instinct him - protect and love - but she'd been a friend to him too. In fact, sometimes he wished she'd been a little less of a friend. She was always the first one to point out when he was being a wherry's arse, and it was in large part due to her continual patience with him, that he had been able to leave most of his prejudice behind.

He had yet to tell her the other reason, the scary reason., why dragonriders did not 'settle' for the most part. Thread. Before it had started to fall this time, that had not been a reason. But now, oh now it was. Younglings like Cardella would die and they would keep dying. And all he could do was train them to the best of his ability and then let them try their wings.

He sighed, softly. He must have looked older, all of a sudden, to someone as sharp as Cardella. Older and worried. Oak chittered comfortingly at his person. "Oh lass." His voice was soft too. "If you really want to know, I will tell you everything. But I suggest we go somewhere a bit quieter, hey? Its not the kind of conversation you want overheard by curious riders, younglings, and drudges. Not really. We don't have to go to my weyr if you are uncomfortable with that, though I'm sure Hasaarth would love to meet you; we could also go up to my office and continue our talk there?"

"Thank you, J'darin," Cardella found she trusted him more than she trusted anyone else. He'd been there to help her right from the start, and there was just something about him that be-spoke trustworthiness to her. "I would love to meet Hasaarth," she replied with a smile. She'd seen him in the skies and around the Weyr, but she had not been formally introduced to J'darin's bronze.

Last updated on the November 7th 2010

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May I Ask You Something?