I Want Him

Writers: Eimi, Paula
Date Posted: 6th October 2010

Characters: Zelanka, Benaroy
Description: Zelanka is reminded of an important moment in her past...
Location: Amber Hills Hold
Date: month 11, day 4 of Turn 5

"I'm sorry, Headwoman, but am I disturbing you?" the young woman asked,
hands clasped nervously in front of her.

"Yes? What it is? Come in," Zelanka smiled and gestured her in.

"Do you have a moment?" she asked, glancing at the Headwoman's desk to
make sure she wasn't interrupting anything important.

"I have," she nodded and gestured her to take a seat.

"I have... a problem... And I don't know if you can help me." The
young girl's eyes welled up with tears suddenly. "I don't know if
_anyone_ can help me..."

"Just tell me what it is and we can see if there's help available,"
Zelanka said kindly and handed her a handkerchief from her drawer. It
was pretty little thing with flower embroilery.

She took it in a trembling hand and pressed it against her eyes.
Despite her kindness, the girl just couldn't look the Headwoman in the
eye as she blurted out, "I'm pregnant."

"Oh," Zelanka said. She wasn't sure if she should be congratulate her or
not. For life of her, she couldn't remember if this girl was married or
not.

She answered the Headwoman's silent question. "I don't know what I can
do! I'm not married..."

"Well, there is few options. How far along are you? Who's the baby's
father?" Zelanka asked.

"Not far. Chupsin just confirmed it today. And I... don't want to say
who he is." Her face burned with shame as she looked down at her hands.

"Well, if you can't marry the father, then you either have to end the
pregnancy, or live with the shame or leave the hold and go to Weyr,"
Zelanka lister her options. Her tone was compassionate.

"But I can't marry him..." she whimpered. Her tone sounded hopeless as
she wailed, "But I can't be away from him!"

"Now, now, let's calm down," she got up and wrapped her arm around her.
"Is there anyone else who would be willing to marry you, even knowing
that you carry someone elses baby?" she asked.

"I don't want anyone else," she sobbed, leaning in to the woman's
embrace. "I want _him_!"

Oh, yes, she could remember that feeling.

~*~
When she threw up in the morning, she knew for sure.

"Are you all right?" Petriv asked with concerned voice, half dressed
Pelanka in his arms.

"I am pregnant," she said with a weak voice. She knew Pertriv could do
the math.

"Hey, that's wonderful! Did you hear, Pelanka? You will have a little
sister or brother," Petriv's voice and face betrayed nothing. He knew it
had been almost six months since he last slept with his wife.

"I not wanna!" the toddler said.

Petriv put her down so he could give her a hug. Zelanka leaned against
her husband and wished for another pair of hands to hold her. **Oh,
shards** How was she going to tell this to him?

~*~
Zelanka fiddled with her hair, while she waited the Lord Holder to
respond her knock.

It didn't take long. Benaroy had been expecting her since he had
received her note. Opening the door, he peeked out slightly to make
sure no one else was in the hall. Reaching out to take her hand, he
pulled her into the rooms where they were safe from all eyes and into a
kiss. "You've been on my mind all sharding day," he whispered as he
closed the door behind her.

"So have you been in mine," Zelanka sighed and allowed her body to melt
against his.

His fingers moved into caress her lovely, hay colored hair as he kissed
her again, slowly as he drank her in deeply. When he finally pulled
back to allow them both a full breath of air he whispered, "Is Petriv
all right? Can you stay the night?"

"I can't today," she replied regretful. Her children were starting to
wonder where their mother was. "It's not Petriv, it's the children."

Benaroy's children were taken care of by a nursemaid since his second
wife had died, but he could understand her fear for them. "What about
after they sleep. Can't you come back?" As much as he understood her
concern, he just wanted to be with her, and at night was the best chance
they had.

"I don't know. I would have to be back before they woke up and Pelanka
still sometimes wokes up middle of the night," She replied. Sometimes it
was so hard to juggle work, family and a lover!

Taking her face tenderly in his fingers he said with conviction, "I want
you in my bed tonight, Zela." He knew she would say no if she really
wanted to. This was _Zela_, after all. Not even he could change her
mind once it had been made up. But he wanted there to be no doubt in
her mind of his feelings.

She wondered if he was going to change his mind when he heard her news.
"Ben," she said softly. "I'm pregnant."

His face turned from a look of longing to one of utter confusion. Arms
dropping down to his side, he tried to make sense of the statement that
seemed to have fallen like a star from the sky. Shaking his head
slightly, blinking twice, he repeated, "You're pregnant."

"Yes," she turned her face to the floor. "I'm three sevendays past my
flow and I just got the first morning sickness." She knew the symptoms,
she had gone thru it twice already.

As the full meaning of what she had said washed over him, a wondrous
smile graced his lips. In that moment, it didn't matter that she was
another man's wife. It didn't matter that he had that very day sent out
a letter to the parents of a potential bride. The woman he loved was
going to have a baby - _his_ baby! "Oh, Zela," he whispered, gathering
her up in his arms. "My beautiful, sweet Zela. This is amazing news."

She smiled at him. Oh, how much she wanted him, wanted to wake up next to
him, share the small moments in her life with him.

Benaroy's thoughts were not on all the things they could not have, but
on the awesome gift that they did. "I love you so much, Zela. So very
much." He had never thought he would say those words to another after
Kenzha had died, and yet they were so easy to say to this woman now.

"I love you too," tears shone in her eyes but they didn't fall.

Last updated on the October 17th 2010

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I Want Him