Scary things

Writers: Paula, Eimi
Date Posted: 6th September 2010

Characters: Aileyan, U'kaiah
Description: U'kaiah comes to Aileyan to put things back on track
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 10, day 20 of Turn 5

Even though they had talked the night before her birthday, and she was
no longer completely avoiding any contact with him, U'kaiah knew things
were still not quite right between them. She had yet to invite him over
to spend the night or even to talk since then. It had only been a few
days, of course, but it still bothered him. They hadn't let this much
time pass between nights together in a long time, and while he certainly
hadn't been celibate during that time, his partners had been few and
only a temporary fix.

Besides, U'kaiah had grown rather fond of the young greenrider. He even
missed her son.

Well, he would just have to take matters into his own hands. That's
what leaders did, after all. They took control of the situation. And
yet he did have to take a couple deep breaths as he stood outside her
door.

**Are you sure she's in?** he asked his bronze once more.

}:Kjarliheth says she is,:{ Kalamath replied sleepily.

**And she's alone?**

}:Except for the little one, but I told you, he sleeps now.:{ The
bronze didn't really see what his rider was so worried about, which was
evident from his amused tone.

U'kaiah frowned. If he knocked, there was a chance he could wake the
baby, and the last thing he wanted was to add more tension to their
relationship. His resolve wavered.

**Maybe I should just forget about it,** he sighed, deciding to try
again another time. Perhaps tomorrow he could see if she had plans and
make an actual plan to see her.

}:Don't move,:{ his bronze said, issuing a rare command to his rider.
Kalamath knew it was time to make the decision for U'kaiah. He had
always had trouble with women whenever there were any kind of feelings
involved, but the bronze knew what to do. }:Kjarliheth, mine is
standing outside your lifemate's door. He misses her and he wants to be
with her. Will she let him in?:{

}: Of course she will, :{ Kjarliheth replied and let her rider know
someone was behind the door.

Aileyan put the books she was reading aside. **He's what?** her tone was
incredulous.

}: He doesn't dare to knock. :{

For some reason she found it very hilarious. She was laughing silently
when she went and just pulled the door open. "Afraid of me?" she asked,
eyes sparkling with mirth.

He was a little surprised when the door suddenly opened. His jaw opened
and then closed again as he tried to process the question, and an answer
that could allow him to save face! A half-lie was better than the full
truth. "I'm... afraid of waking Ravyan."

"A soft knock isn't enough to wake him up, and you know that," Aileyan
snorted and stepped aside, wordlessly inviting him in.

"A soft knock can't be heard if you're in your room," he pointed out,
slipping into the door and shutting it behind himself.

Aileyan just shrugged at that. Admittely, she could get lost to the
world if she was reading, so that she didn't hear or see anything.

U'kaiah knew they could dance around each other awkwardly all evening,
but he was getting tired of acting like an uncertain weyrling. Reaching
for her hand, he stepped in close to her, leaning down to kiss just
under her ear softly. "Are you busy tonight?"

"No," she replied, "Just me, my son and a good book."

"Well, your son's asleep, so my only competition seems to be a good
book," he murmured, slipping his arms around her waist as he kissed
places on her neck he knew sent shivers done her spine. "What are the
chances that you might put the book aside for a while?"

"Looking pretty good," she murmured a reply. She couldn't quite reach
his neck, so she settled wrapping her arms around his chest.

U'kaiah had enough experience with women her height to know what to do.
Fingers caressing down her rear to her thighs, he pulled her up to wrap
her legs around his waist, giving them the chance to look each other eye
to eye. He wanted to rip her clothes off and get her into bed, not only for the
carnal satisfaction, but because he knew that once they were spent,
lying naked in each other's arms, they could move past the uncertainty
and back to some semblance of normalcy. Though he was not fool enough
to believe that things could be exactly as they had been, he knew it was
a chance to rebuild what they had, what he had missed.

Nipping teasingly at her bottom lip he whispered, "Do you want me to stay
tonight?" It had to be her choice. She had to say it, and he
desperately needed to hear it.

She thought about it for a two seconds. "Yes, " she said and responded
to his nipping.

~~**~~

U'kaiah gently brushed back a tendril of hair that was sticking to the
moisture on her forehead as he tucked her under his arm and leaned back
into the pillows piled up behind him. He touched his lips to the spot
with a contented sigh. This was what he had missed.

Aileyan had to admit to herself that she had missed these moments with
him. He was so...snuggly.

He settled back into the pillows, his fingers tracing along her arm as
he looked up at her ceiling. He could still pick out the shapes made by
shadows as they played over the stone. Starring at the familiar
patterns he whispered, "I'm sorry I scared you. I'm sorry for
everything."

"I think the stories I heard were...exaggarated," Aileyan said. She
really shouldn't listened J'nev.

"Probably not," he admitted softly. "It... wasn't pretty. But I
certainly didn't mean to do it."

"Sometimes things just get out of hand," Aileyan said. Faranth knew, she
was expert on locked in- emotions.

"It's never happened to me before. Not in a Flight." It was the
closest U'kaiah would come to admitting out loud just how shaken he was
by the experience. If it happened once, it could happen again. Until
that moment, it was the sort of thing that happened to lesser riders...

Aileyan had no good answer to that and remained silent. She tried to
comfort him by stroking his hair. She really liked his hair.

U'kaiah leaned into the caress. It had always eased his tension when a
woman ran their fingers through his hair. Closing his eyes, he
concentrated on the soothing sensations. Before he knew it, words were
pouring out of him. "Kalamath had come so close to catching that gold.
She was right in front of him. Just a little more and he would have had
her. But then she dove down and before he could react to follow her, it
was over." It had been a shock to both of them in that moment. "That
chance just slipped right through our fingers. He was frustrated. I
was frustrated. It was so hard to separate my disappointment from his.
With the dragonlust it just... magnified it. I don't know what I might
have done to scare her or if she just panicked, but the next thing I
knew she was pushing at my face and slapping me. It just added more and
more fuel to it. I should have stopped, but I didn't. It just made me
want it more." Any other time he would stopped at the first sign of
distress, but not then. Then all he could care about was finishing, and
if it meant taking it by force, so be it. It was so unlike him. "I
keep telling people that it was the dragonlust that made me do it. But
deep down I know I _should_ have stopped. I should have."

Aileyan made small, comforting noises and kept on her caressess. Maybe
opening up was what _he_ need most right now.

"What _did_ you hear?" he asked curiously. Whatever it was it must have
been pretty frightening to make her avoid him like that.

"Well, no one knew any details, but I got the impression that you beat
her up," she sounded apologizing.

"Oh shards, no. I didn't strike her even once." After his blow-up with
N'vanik, it was no wonder they would assume that, though. "After she
started hitting me, I grabbed her wrists and held her down. But that
was enough. I don't know, maybe even a bit worse."

It did sound awfully close to rape to her, but she didn't say it
outloud.

She didn't have to. U'kaiah knew that rape was exactly what it had
been. "I never knew I had it in me to do something like that. It
scares me, Aileyan. It really does." He turned to look at her, to see
if he could read in her eyes just what she was really thinking. She
knew everything now. Was she frightened? Disgusted?

Aileyan honestly didn't know what to think about it. It was scary,
yes... yet, well, she had had few rough mating flights herself. "You'll
get over it," she was thinking her own First mating flight. The
brownrider who had sired Ravyan had realized too late that she was
inexperienced. He had been kind to her afterwards though.

"I suppose." He leaned his head against hers, and looked back up to the
ceiling. What ever happened would happen, and there was no use worrying
about it now. U'kaiah was just relieved that they seemed to be able to
work past it all. Perhaps it was time to stop talking about it so it
did not do even more damage. "I see a an old woman there," he said,
pointing up to a set of bumps and cracks on the ceiling.

"And that's her canine," she pointe a shadow in the wall.

Last updated on the September 23rd 2010

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