Rebuilding Trust

Writers: Eimi, Paula
Date Posted: 24th August 2010

Characters: U'kaiah, Aileyan
Description: U'kaiah tries to talk to Aileyan using a birthday present as an excuse
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 10, day 16 of Turn 5

U'kaiah's confidence wavered as he stood outside the greenrider's door.
She had been noticeably absent from his life since the Gold Flight, and
he was sure he knew why. Most likely she had heard what had happened in
the aftermath and had become afraid of him, as many women had. His
behavior had been shocking, but she had to know that was not how he
acted when he had his wits about him. She should have known him better,
at least.

And yet she had been strangely silent, and he had missed her. Her
rejection stung worse then anyone's. He had worked hard to win her
trust, and it seemed in one moment he had lost it. Faranth, he just
hoped he could get it back. Her birthday at least afforded him an
excuse to explain himself. To defend himself. He could only hope that
would be enough.

Taking a deep breath he knocked on the door, clutching the small package
under his arm.

Aileyan was surprised. That her biological father remember her birthday
was expected, but that Eilomar too had sent her a little gift! She
didn't know how to take it, was the old harper growing soft with age?
She turned the braclet around in her hand. It was simple silver ring set
with small beryls, and too big to her. She wondered if there was someone
who could
fit it to her. Was it even possible? Well, she had to write him a
thank-you letter. The knock startled her out of her reverie.

"Come in!" she called. What now? If it was another runner with a package
to her, she was going to get overwhelmed.

The bronzerider opened the door slowly, not sure what her reaction to
seeing him would be. "It's me."

"Oh," Aileyan just said, not sure how she should react. How she should
deal with him? Her normar solution to problems was *hide and avoid*.

"Yeah." Not quite the welcome he had hoped for, but not completely
unexpected. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing really
came out. What was there to say? Instead he turned around and closed
the door and slowly moved over towards the sofa. "May I sit a minute?"

"Sure you can," she replied, fingers nervously stroking the silver
braclet.

He sat down next to her carefully, sensing her nervousness. "I haven't
seen you much after drills finish. I guess I know why."

"I have been avoiding you," Aileyan admitted.

"I know. And I know it's because of the girl in the Flight. I was
pretty sure you heard." How could she _not_ have? "But I thought for
sure you'd know that I would never have hurt her if it hadn't been a
Flight."

"It's still scary. I have flights too, you know." She stared the small
green gems in the braclet.

U'kaiah didn't want her to look at the bracelet. He wanted her to look
at _him_. His fingers covered her wrist lightly, trying to make her
turn attention in his direction. "I know. But Faranth, Aileyan, you
know me. I have won many Flights, and I've lost many Flights, and
this is the _first_ time anything like this has ever happened. Aileyan,
please, look at me. You _know_ me."

Aileyan turned to look him into his eyes. "Do I?" she asked softly.

The question made him wince. She didn't trust him. She didn't believe
him. He thought of all the women in the Weyr right then, she would be
able to understand. "I've never hurt a woman in anger in my life until
that Flight. Not in a bed or out of it. I have always treated every
woman I have ever made love to with respect and consideration. I would
have thought you knew me at least that well. Have I ever given you a
reason to be afraid of me?"

"No, you haven't" Aileyan said and turned her gaze away. Her background
made it so very hard to her to trust anyone. "I've been hurt too many
times,"
she whispered. "People I love just walk away and leave me."

Hurting someone's body and hurting someone's heart were two very
different things in U'kaiah's way of thinking. But it sounded like she
was
acquainting one with the other in her mind. "So... You think I'll hurt
you, too? Are you afraid that I will harm you? Or leave you?"

"I don't know. All of them very likely," Ailayan wasn't even sure of her
own feelings.

"Aileyan," he said gently, taking her hand in both of his. "Except for
that Flight, I have never hurt a woman. And I've never left one,
either. I swear to you, I will never do anything to hurt you, and I
will always be your friend."

"You can't promise something like that, you'll never know what happens
in the future," Aileyan protested. She didn't pull her hands away
thought and met his gaze. She was dragonrider, she knew there was no
guarantees
in life.

"Then I guess you'll just have to trust me, like I trust you. I can
give you nothing but my word to make you believe me. But give me a
chance." He knew that once he had given his word he would fight tooth
and nail to keep it. Especially when someone's trust was so rare and
valuable as hers.

"I can try," it was best she could promise right now. She had been
growing to trust him, then J'nev's words had crumbled that trust. Now it
needed to be rebuilt.

"That's enough," he said, bringing her hand to his lips to kiss it
softly. **For now.**

Aileyan realized she had be missing him. Or at least her body has been
missing his touch. Just a hand-kiss sent a wave of nice warmth thru her
body.

U'kaiah didn't know where to go from there. They had both said what
they had needed to. But they were left in a very uncomfortable place.
It was the first time they had ever had tension in their relationship,
and it was always dangerous ground. "What do we do now?" he asked,
voicing his uncertainty.

"I don't know," Aileyan said, although her body certainly knew what it
was wanting. "Do you know if the Weyr has jewelsmiths and can take make
braclet smaller?" she asked to break the ice.

The bronzerider was relieved to be talking about something normal again.
Fingering the silver bracelet he nodded. "I know of a couple. Would
you like me to go with you? Or I can just give you the names if you'd
rather."

"The names will be enough. I can take care of it myself," Aileyan
replied.

Well, he had tried. "I'll write them down for you." He couldn't really
expect things to go back to normal so quickly. But then again, what was
normal with Aileyan? Still fingering the chain, he asked, "Was it a
birthday present?"

"Yes it was, from my step-father," she replied.

"It's beautiful." And he was glad to hear that the man had showed some
kind of concern towards her. "You must have been really happy to open
this."

"I was surprised. He doesn't usually remember birthdays. Perhaps it was
his new bride-to-be?" she mused.

"Maybe he misses you?" He didn't know for sure, but he was hopeful for
her sake. "But it almost makes me embarrassed to give you my present.
It's not much."

"You shouldn't," she said. "I'm not used to having presents." She had
been spent most of her childhood having her birthday ignored.

"It's not much, just... something to help you relax." He wasn't sure
how she'd take the gift now. Maybe he should have just left it at home
and thought of something different.

Aileyan opened it was certain greediness. "Oh! These are wonderful!,"
she studied the scented candles and bath oils. "They are actually useful
too," she smiled happily.

"I'm really bad at gift giving. I know it's not much." She looked
pleased, which made him feel they were taking steps in the right
direction at least. "Anyway, happy birthday."

"Thank you," Aileyan said and meant it.

Last updated on the September 22nd 2010

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Rebuilding Trust