Not Good Enough

Writers: AL, Cali
Date Posted: 12th March 2009

Characters: F'gol, Meledei
Description: F'gol tells Meledei what he thinks of weyr harpers and she gets offended.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 1, day 17 of Turn 5

"F'gol?" Meledei's voice was soft but still carried through the barracks. She entered them, crept over to the boys' side and slipped past the curtain that afforded what little privacy they had. No one else was there, except F'gol she realised as she saw him huddling on his bunk, lifemate by his side. Meledei looked behind her, as if fearing one of the Weyrlingmasters might find her and reprimand her, but she bravely stepped forward and closed the distance between her and the bluerider. "F'gol?" She called out again. "Is something wrong?"

"No." F'gol replied curtly, as he looked up at the girl. He was relieved that he hadn't started crying again, he'd told himself not too, and it seemed like the control he'd been practising for Tealth's sake was starting to work. "Shouldn't you be at lunch?"

"Shouldn't you be?" Meledei countered as she moved around and sat down beside her friend. "You didn't show up at breakfast or lunch. Aren't you hungry?"

He held out a half eaten redfruit, "I'm eating. I just wanted to be with Tealth."

"Something's wrong." Meledei wasn't stupid, it was written all over his face. "What is it? Did I do something to irritate you?"

He knew she wouldn't leave him alone, she was stubborn and pushy like that. Normally that amused him, but now it was annoying. Still, he didn't want another fight with her, she might actually _hit_ him with rocks the next time. "No, you didn't. I just got my stupid hopes up and I should have known better. I'll be fine though."

"What do you mean?" Meledei pressed, leaning over in an attempt to try and get him to meet her gaze. "What happened? Your hopes up about what?"

F'gol gave a weak smile. She looked a bit like a confused wherry sticking her neck around like that. It quickly faded though and he frowned as he thought of his meeting with Almonteo. "I went to the Hall. Some rider told me I could still be a harper _and_ a dragonrider. I tried to not believe him, but then I went and it sounded like maybe I could. Then I was told I wasn't welcome at the Hall any more. I had to be a _weyrman_."

"You're a dragonrider." Meledei nodded slowly. "And therefore a weyrman, but you can also be a harper. That rider was correct in his assessment. There are lots of dragonriders who still craft, my father being one of them." Granted they had less time since Thread, but it was possible.

"But I need the _Hall_." F'gol replied, frustration making him ball his hands into fists. "I can't become any good if I've just got part time dragonriders to help me! I need dedicated _harpers_!"

"But there _are_ dedicated harpers here." Meledei pointed out, "Harpers who aren't dragonriders and _only_ do their craft. The Hall isn't the only place with harpers."

F'gol grunted a dismissal, but it did give him pause. He knew there were harpers stationed at the Weyr before the Hall came, so he supposed they were still around unless the Hall just absorbed them. "Maybe."

"No, not maybe, there _are_." Meledei persisted. Why was this such a big deal to him? Yes, she could understand wanting to be at the Hall, but there were plenty of harpers at the Weyr who were just as good as those at the Hall. "You act like being a weyrman is such a bad thing."

He pursed his lips, biting back what he wanted to say. "If you were given a chance to study at the Beastcraft Hall instead of here in the Weyr stables, wouldn't you have wanted to do that? If you hadn't wanted to be a dragonrider that is." He added because he knew that would be her first reply.

"I like the Weyr stables." Meledei insisted. "It might be nice to go to the Hall, but frankly, my Master, the journeymen, they're all wonderful, all knowledgeable. I don't doubt that there is a thing they couldn't teach me."

"They might be knowledgeable, but they're not the _best_." F'gol replied, somehow not surprised she would be perfectly happy with whatever she was given. "As a harper, I was taught to reach for excellence, not for well enough. That was how you made great music. I'm being denied the ability to reach excellence."

"So you're saying the Weyr's not good enough for you then?" Meledei's anger flared up. "So excellence can't be reached just because you're at the Weyr?"

"No, it can't." F'gol replied tightly. He wasn't just going to back down to make her feel better about _her_ life choices. "The Hall is the proper place to do it, the _only_ place. I probably couldn't have done much anyways because of Tealth, but I could have at least _tried_! Here, now, with whatever journeymen are around that I can talk to, maybe I could be okay, somewhat good even, but it's not what I _want_."

"Do you realise you've basically just undermined all the Harper in the Weyr." Meledei swept her hand as if to encompass the whole area. "Not only that, but all the crafters at all. We're not good enough for you. No one is. We're sub class simply because we aren't the Hall. Fine, then. I guess that means I'm not good enough to be your friend - after all, I'm a _weyrwoman_." Without waiting for another word, Meledei stood up and swept out of the room, her anger still simmering. Of all the stupid, egotistical, brainless excuses.

F'gol watched her blankly as she stormed out. He looked down at his half eaten redfruit and let it roll out of his hand onto the floor. She was right, the Weyr crafters were never going to be good enough for him. Whatever harpers there were around the Weyr, those that might be willing to spare some time to help him, they'd never be able to give him the time he wanted. Shards, _he_ would never be able to give himself as much time as he wanted. He'd just have to give it up. It was the only option open to him. Mediocrity wasn't what he wanted, so it would have to be nothing. He was a weyrman now, the harper was dead.

Last updated on the March 14th 2009

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Not Good Enough