The Tears of the night

Writers: Paula, Eimi
Date Posted: 23rd January 2009

Characters: Benaroy, Zelanka, Petriv
Description: Zelanka tries to cope with her grief with help of her husband.
Location: Amber Hills Hold
Date: month 1, day 9 of Turn 5

The sounds woke up Petriv from his sleep and he emerged from his
bedroom to see what it was. He spotted his wife, up in middle of
night, with bucket and mop. Her face was pale, dark circles around her
eyes. Petriv felt his heart go out for. Poor Zelanka. He swiftly moved
to her and took away the bucket and mop from her. "What in Thread's
name are you doing? It's middle of the night."

"I... I need.. to clean," She sounded confused and upset.

"Oh, love, I know what you need, and it's not washing floors," he said
knowingly. "Have you cried yet?" He asked and pulled her along. He
settled them to the sofa, wrapping his arm around her so she couldn't
escape.

Zelanka shook her head. "I can't. I have to be strong." She struggled
for a minute then relaxed against her husband's warm body.

"No one will know. It's middle of the night and I'm only one here. I won't
talk, it's all right to grieve."

The wall's she had built around her heart to protect it started to
melt. "I loved him!" Zelanka said with anguished voice.

"Yes, I know," Petriv murmured and stroked her wild, curly hair, still
so golden after all these turns. Again he regretted that he couldn't
love her the way a man should. He was only a half a man and she really
deserved someone better.

"I want him back," she sobbed, the tears she had held in since she
found him, finally breaking out. She wept against his shoulder;
remembering the time she first realized she was in love with the Lord
Holder. She was already expecting Latriv but not knowing that yet.

~*~ flashback ~*~

Benaroy sat on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hands. "Say
_something_, Zela, please."

"What there is to say? She's here and she's of Blood," she replied
silently. Of course she had known they wouldn't keep going like this
forever. He was Lord Holder,
and the hold need a Lady. But it could never be her, it was a dream
she barely dared to awknowledge to herself.

"I'm only meeting with them. Who knows if anything will come of it."
Though Nimile's father was already hinting at what kind of alliance
could be struck between their two Holds.

Zelanka just nodded and sighed. As an assitant headwoman, she had to
find rooms and serve all these young women, that could one day be the
Lady Holder she could never be.

His fingers reached out to gently trace the line of her face. "We still
have some time left to us, Zela."

Somehow the knowledge that she would have to give up on him filled her
heart with sadness and jealousy. She was surprised by her feelings.
They had just seeked comfort from each other, it was just sex, she
told herself. "Yes, Ben," she murmured an answer, still trying to
figure out where were these feelings coming from.

Her lover was having just as hard a time letting go. Would he ever be
able to look at her as he once had? Or would he always feel that deep
longing to kiss her when she flashed that beautiful smile of hers?
Could he be alone in a room with her again and not touch her? Would he
ever forget the smell of her hair, the taste of her lips, the softness
of her flesh? Could he be just 'Ben' to anyone else, or was his sinking
suspicion true - that he would forever be _her_ Ben?

He moved back up onto the bed and leaned back against the headboard.
"Come here, love," he murmured softly, his arms reaching for her.

Zelanka came eagerly to his embrace. His arms around her felt so
comfortable, so right. Then it hit her. She was in love with him.
Somewhere during their relationsship, she had fallen in love.

Benaroy turned his head, his lips grazing her forehead tucked against
him as his fingers caressed her shoulder. If only he had been just
another Holder and not the Lord Holder. If only he could have whispered
secret plans to escape this life together. If he had been a younger
man, without family, without responsibility, he would have been sorely
tempted to steal her away from her husband, from this place of death and
hardship to find a place where they could build a new life. He was too
old to give in to such dreams, but not old enough to escape them. "If
only..."

"If only...," Zelanka agreed. If only she wasn't married with Petriv.
If only she were more than a orphan hold girl, if only he was free to
live with her.

They held each other in silence for a moment until Benaroy finally
tipped her chin up to look at him. He looked deeply into her hazel eyes
before he leaned in and gently kissed her full lips. When they parted,
his eyes remained closed as he tried to burn the feeling of them into
his memory. For so long he had enjoyed her smiles, her harmless
flirtations, the way she could make him feel perfectly at ease and
unguarded. Perhaps he should have left it at that. Perhaps kissing her
out under the shade on a summer's day was the worst mistake he had ever
made. But every fool had his folly, and ever folly had it's price.
Saying goodbye to her would be his. But not yet. Not yet. Not when
those hazel eyes still burned for him, and those lips still lay unparted
beneathe his just begging to be kissed. **Soon, but not yet,** his mind
whispered as he kissed her again, holding nothing back - not his desire,
not his desperation, not his regret.

Zelanka replied with passion, every moment left with him was now more
precious than ever.

~*~

And now those moments were nothing but a memory. She would never take him
a tray of food or see his face or hear his kind voice. Zelanka cried if
possible even harder when the grief really hit her.

She cried what felt for candlemarks untill her tears finally ended.
She sniffed and looked at Petriv. He had held her, stroked her hair and
murmured comforting words to her whole the time.

"Thank you, Petriv. I needed this," she whispered.

"I know you did. Crying is good," Petriv replied. He couldn't be a real
mate for her, but at least he could be a shoulder to cry on.

Last updated on the January 24th 2009

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The Tears of the night