That's All I Ask

Writers: Vix, Devin
Date Posted: 4th January 2009

Characters: D'ren, I'ster
Description: D'ren dreams of I'ster.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 13, day 26 of Turn 4

He didn't know what woke him, a sound or a feeling, but when he opened his eyes he knew he wasn't alone in his room. D'ren sat up and saw a figure standing at the end of his bed. "Hello? Who's there?"

A voice replied to him from the direction of the figure. "It's about time you woke up. I've been waiting long enough."

The voice sounded familiar. D'ren squinted at the figure, but it was covered in shadow. "Who _are_ you?"

The shadowy figure laughed. "That's funny – you should know who I am." It moved forward, catching a bit of moonlight that seemed to come from ... somewhere.

D'ren's breath caught in his throat. "But -- but you're dead."

"Well ... yes," the voice said matter-of-factly. "But it really isn't that bad. Not as bad as you're making your life right now."

"I was supposed to look out for you." D'ren turned and set his feet on the floor, keeping his eyes on the figure near the foot of his bed.

"You _did_ look out for me," I'ster told him. "But you also had to look out for yourself and Menanth. You did that and kept the two of you alive – as you were supposed to do."

"Yes. I fulfilled one duty, but not the other."

"You're putting too much on yourself. No one expected you to protect me during Threadfall – that was for Tynnath and I to handle."

"I know that ... but it's hard to _feel_ it." Wanting to get a better look at I'ster (a morbid part of him wondered if he would be able to see the damage done by Thread), D'ren reached for the glowbasket on the bedside table. He paused, then his hand withdrew. He didn't want to risk it. If he uncovered the glows, I'ster might prove to be nothing but an illusion.

"Perhaps," the deceased rider told him, "but the feelings you do have are getting in the way of the good things in your life."

"The good things ... " he echoed. Shards, how long had it been since he'd been happy for more than a few fleeting moments? Not since the hurricane.

"They're there," was I'ster's reply. "You just need to look for them ... while you still can."

D'ren sighed. "It's going to happen again, and again. How do I live with it, all the death? How can I care for people just to have them taken away?"

"If you don't care for them, you take away the worth of your life – and of theirs."

"So that's it? I spend my life watching the people I care about die?"

"Of course not," I'ster replied indignantly. "You spend your life helping the people you care about to live."

"And we're back to how I did a bad job of helping you."

I'ster frowned at him. "I'm the one who died but you're the one feeling sorry for yourself."

He wanted to agree with him, to say yes, he felt sorry for himself. Maybe this was the way he _wanted_ to feel, but what he said was, "I miss you, I'ster."

The greenrider's laughter echoed in the darkened weyr. "I'm never far away. No matter how many turns pass, you'll still always carry me right there." His finger pointed toward the other's chest.

D'ren nodded slightly. "I won't forget you."

"I know you won't," I'ster said softly. " But you won't think of me all the time – and you shouldn't. You'll move on with life and the wound will heal."

D'ren stood and walked toward I'ster, stopping an arm's length away. Reaching out, he tried to touch the younger rider.

I'ster shook his head as he backed away. "It doesn't work like that – I'm here but I'm not, so you can't touch me. You can only listen to me and remember."

"None of this is real, is it? This is just in my head."

The brownrider offered a broad grin. "It may just be in your head but that doesn't make it any less real." He pointed at the other rider. "Remember – but don't let yourself wallow. And now, I need to go." He turned toward where Menanth lay sleeping and started to walk away.

D'ren watched him go, somehow feeling both heavier and lighter. "I'll try," he whispered.

A whisper replied in I'ster's voice, "That's all I ask."

Last updated on the January 4th 2009

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That's All I Ask