Jealousy Fears

Writers: AL, Cali
Date Posted: 4th January 2009

Characters: Sorsha, Meledei
Description: Sorsha talks about her fears of Railen Impressing.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 13, day 13 of Turn 4

"So how come you still have to do chores when you're apprenticed?" Sorsha asked as she and Meledei pushed a cart loaded with clean linens down the corridor.

"Well, I don't have to do as _many_ chores." Meledei gave Sorsha a half grin. "Though as to why, I have no idea. It's the rules and me complaining about them isn't going to change." She glanced around and leaned over to whisper, "But if I had my way, no apprentices would have to do extra chores."

Sorsha chuckled, "I'm just glad we can do this instead of having to pay while we stay here. I don't think Railen and I could afford our own room if we had to give up marks for it."

"I can certainly understand that." Did the Weyr even charge for rooms in marks? She wasn't sure how such things were decided. "What is Railen doing?"

"Right now?" She replied acerbically, "Hopefully not being eaten by a queen dragon."

"Uh oh." Meledei paused for a moment, then skipped a couple of steps to catch back up. "What did he do?"

She turned back and watched her friend match her stride again. "He wants to Stand too."

"Is that a bad thing?" Meledei asked slowly. There was something in Sorsha's voice, not quite a catch but ... something.

"No, it's what he wants." Sorsha replied hastily. Too hastily, she could tell Mel didn't believe her. "It's just, oh, I'm such a hypocrite. I'm jealous I think."

"Why are you jealous?" Sorsha had been right - she hadn't believed her, but she also couldn't understand why Sorsha would be jealous.

Sorsha stopped pushing the cart and leaned against the corridor. "I don't know. What if he Impresses and doesn't want me any more? What if he decides that he doesn't have time for me any more? They always talk about how your dragon will become your other half, your lifemate. What if there just isn't room for me if he Impresses?"

Meledei stopped as Sorsha stopped and moved to stand beside her friend. "What if he's afraid of the same thing?"

"Which is why I'm a hypocrite." Sorsha sighed. "You know that Allya girl? The one we ate with the other day? She was flirting horribly with Railen. I just can't stop thinking that if he Impresses and she Impresses and his dragon flies hers... well, I keep thinking that I'd rip those bug eyes of hers right out."

"You wouldn't be the only one." Meledei's smile cocked to the side. "Allya is known among men and women. She's loved by the men and hated by the women. Railen seemed to ignore her for the most part though, which is good. I'd only worry if he had paid any attention to her at all."

Sorsha sighed again. It felt good to get out some of her inner fears, but she knew they were petty and unjust and that didn't make her feel any better. "It's not so much her, I know Railen doesn't like her. It's just that if he Impresses... at one point or another, I'll have to share him. And I don't want to. With anyone, dragon or rider."

"Well...what's the alternative?" Meledei could certainly understand her feelings, even though she herself didn't have anyone she was interested with. That was one of the things about being a dragonrider that a lot of holdbreds had trouble with. They had to learn that it wasn't so much the rider as it was the dragon - most of the time anyway. Certainly a rider's feelings could influence the dragon's choice, but not always.

"There isn't an alternative. I've got to keep my mouth shut." Sorsha pushed off of the wall in a huff. "If I tell him I don't want him to Impress because I'm a spoiled child who doesn't want to share her toy, then I'm a hypocrite. I'm asking him to do the exact same thing, and he's not only agreed to it, he's the one who convinced me to come here in the first place."

"It is a side effect of being a dragonrider." Meledei stated slowly, though she knew the reminder probably wasn't any help. "But the important thing is that he always comes back to you, right? He doesn't seem the type who wouldn't do that."

Sorsha shook her head, "He can't come back from his dragon. His dragon will always be there, will always be more important than me. That's what's really got me so jealous. I'm just being stupid, I know. Like I said, I can't say anything."

"I think it's going to be hard for either of us to understand it until we're in that position." The dragonriders knew what it was like, of course. Meledei didn't even have a firelizard so she couldn't begin to have an inkling. "I bet it will be easier when you impress and you can fully understand the type of connection that it is."

She started pushing the cart again, they had a lot of work to do and it wasn't going to get done without them. "Maybe. A lot of riders can handle both weyrmates and dragons, we probably could too." She hoped.

Last updated on the January 4th 2009

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Jealousy Fears