Love Gone Sour

Writers: Bree, Eimi
Date Posted: 2nd November 2005

Characters: Dyaera, B'ram
Description: Dyaera complains to B'ram about D'cal and how confusing she finds relationships in general.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 8, day 17 of Turn 3

B'ram

B'ram was surprised to find Dyaera stretched out on her sofa near her green rather than in her sleeping chamber. But it was good for her to have time with her lifemate. Perhaps he should come back later? "Dyaera, it's B'ram.
Is now a bad time?"

Dyaera lifted her head high enough to peer over the edge of her couch.
"Now's a fine time. I'm just thinking."

"You're not tired of just thinking yet?" the brownrider asked as he strolled across her weyr.

"I'm always tired of thinking," she replied, settling back into the couch.
"But what else is there to do when you hate reading and can't move?"

B'ram greeted her green and then sat down on the floor in front of the sofa.
"What are you thinking about?"

"D'cal," she replied grumpily. "Shards, who would have thought life would be _more_ complicated when I can't do anything but sit around? Fighting Thread is easier than dealing with men and all their sharding emotions." "Trust me, I would rather face Thread than deal with women," the brownrider frowned. "I really messed things up for you, didn't I."

Dyaera snorted. "Things were messed up a long time before you showed up.
Trust me." "They always are, Dyaera," B'ram said matter of factly. "Every relationship gets messed up now and then. That's what _makes_ it a relationship and not just something that makes you feel good."

"I didn't sign up for a relationship," Dyaera replied darkly. "And even if I had, it's not like I'm _getting_ any of the good parts! Every other day he's got a new sharding reason why he can't touch me. And he's not having _any_
problems touching other people... so why, exactly, am I supposed to feel guilty?" "Maybe he thought he had signed up for a relationship," B'ram said with a shrug. "I really couldn't say. But I know he was pretty sharding shocked when he walked in on us."

"Uh-huh..." Dyaera gave him a grumpy look. B'ram was a male, and he was present, so he seemed like the logical person to take the brunt of her annoyance. "Well, his shock didn't last too long, since he was getting friendly with another greenrider not a half candlemark later." B'ram gave an ironic snort. "Shards, I know _that_ feeling..."

"It's all just absurd. All I want is a little fun." Dyaera gave B'ram a very annoyed looking pout. "Is that so terrible?" "I don't know if I'm the best or the worst person to ask," the brownrider sighed. "I have been the one who wanted fun, I've been the one who wanted to be loved and was hurt."

"Can't you love someone without... without _owning_ them? Or is that the only way you can love someone?" If so, Dyaera thought that the whole idea of love might need to be rethought a little. "It's not _owning_ them, Dyaera. Its loving someone to the point were no else will ever be as good as they are, and you stop bothering trying to find anything more." **Until the love goes sour, of course, and then all that leaps off the ledge...**

"Well, maybe you have to feel it to understand it," Dyaera said doubtfully.
"Because I just... don't." B'ram nodded. Maybe it was better that way. Love hurt. It could hurt so badly. She was too young to know. "Maybe someday you will understand how he feels."

"Uhhh... yeah. I hope not." Dyaera grinned at him, reaching out to run her fingers through his spiky hair absently. "It doesn't seem to be making _him_
very happy, after all." "He could be very happy, if he found someone who felt the same about him."
B'ram had to admit, the days and nights he spent with Atreyn were the happiest of his life. "I think he needs that. Someday he will find it."

Dyaera frowned, looking down at B'ram. "Do you think I should just... tell him to move on?" "Is that what you want him to do?"

"No... but I don't think I'm ever going to be what he needs." Dyaera shrugged her good shoulder and then sighed again. "I don't think I make him happy enough to balance out all the times I make him miserable." "If he didn't think you were worth it, he wouldn't even try," B'ram said gently as he reached for the hand on her good arm. "He seems like a smart kid... um, man... Why not just let _him_ decide when its time to move on?"

"I suppose..." Dyaera tugged playfully at B'ram's hair. "So are you going to ban me from ever discovering how much fun we could have because of what happened last time?" "Ban you? No, no ban you," he smiled as he smoothed back a strand of hair from her forehead. "But I think I'll wait until you both know what you want."

Dyaera groaned. "_Both_ of us? Fine... I'll see you when I'm thirty..." He chuckled. "Before you're thirty, I promise." B'ram leaned forward and kissed her gently before standing to his feet. "I better leave you to your thinking before you prove too much of a temptation for me."

"All right..." Dyaera watched him leave regretfully, shaking her head. "I'd _better_ see _someone_ in my bed again before I'm thirty," she said sourly to the empty room.

Tilarth snorted her amusement over the situation and lifted her head in obvious entreaty. Smiling, Dyaera gave up on thinking about men and set about scratching the itch on Tilarth's eyeride. At least she could make _someone_ happy.

Last updated on the November 2nd 2005

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Love Gone Sour