A Confession

Writers: AL, Cali
Date Posted: 2nd November 2008

Characters: Sorsha, Ri'len
Description: Railen tells Sorsha about their arranged marriage.
Location: Elsewhere on Pern
Date: month 12, day 13 of Turn 4

Railen waited outside for Sorsha, jittery as an excited colt. He perked up visibly when she appeared, his smile broad and bright enough to light all of Pern. When she drew near, he embraced her, leaning down to kiss her. He reached up, thumb whisking over her cheek as he pulled away and smiled again. "Come, let's walk and talk."

It had been a long day without him and she was glad he was in good spirits still. "I missed you."

"Did you?" Railen turned so that he was at her side, though one hand remained at her waist. It was still hard to believe that she was willing to love him, to give him a chance. That she had decided on her own. He had gone with his father like originally planned, despite the fact that he had wanted to stay with Sorsha. It had been, he thought, the best idea. He hadn't told anyone, not just yet. Of course, neither had he told Sorsha.

The memory of that made his smile fade and he sighed. "Though I have something to admit to you." He hoped she wouldn't hate him for it. "Something I've been trying to tell you for several days, actually."

There was more? He'd admitted enough in the last few days to fill one of her books! "Oh really? And what is that?" she asked with a smile as she walked with him away from the lights of the hold.

"Our parents were planning to have us marry, whether we wanted to or not." Railen cast a sidelong glance at her. "Not that I would have ever forced you to marry me. Neither do I think they realized how wonderful you truly are, and that I would come to love you on my own."

"What?" She stopped walking and looked at him in disbelief. "Did your father tell you this?"

"Yes, and told me not to say anything to you." Railen stopped when Sorsha did and turned to face her. "I didn't want to keep it from you, Sorsha. In fact, I've been trying to tell you this very fact for the last several days, but it seemed like every time I tried, something or someone pulled you away."

She frowned and looked down at the ground, "You must have misunderstood him. My father would have told me if he was arranging my marriage. There would be no need for me to foster here..." she trailed off as she tried to reason it out in her head. She shouldn't have cared, she _wanted_ to marry Railen, but she couldn't help but feel that if it was true then she had been lied to by everyone... even Railen.

"My parents wanted it that way." There was a bitter taste in his mouth and Railen turned to hold Sorsha by the arms. "I swear Sorsha, I didn't want to keep this from you from the beginning. Then when I realized what was happening, I also realized that there could not...should not be any secrets between us."

Sorsha nodded, but couldn't look at him. He had tried to tell her something that night under the tree, but she'd shushed him, too much had happened that night. But he'd had plenty of time _before_ to tell her. Had their friendship, their bond, been nothing to him all the long month they'd been together nearly every day? "When... when were they going to tell me?"

"Probably when they finalized things." Railen hated to see that expression on her face. "Sorsha, I'm sorry. I truly am. I should have told you in the beginning, I know that. The only thing I can do is ask your forgiveness and promise to you that I'll never hold anything back from you again."

If they hadn't finalized things, well, that was a bit more understandable then she supposed. Maybe they had sent her here to see if she would be acceptable for marriage? Still... Railen should have told her. "Well, I guess you don't have to worry about that letter to my father then." she mumbled, still looking at the ground.

"Sorsha...please. Please look at me. Please forgive me. I never meant to hurt you." Railen gently placed a hand under her chin, encouraging to lift her gaze. "I'm sorry. I truly am sorry. Will you forgive me?"

"I know you didn't." she replied, and she did know that even though it didn't really make her feel much better. He wouldn't lie, not about how he felt about her, but she couldn't help but wonder if his feelings that turned from friendship to love weren't somehow influenced by knowing that they would marry... that he would _have_ to love her.

"Will you forgive me?" He asked again, for Sorsha had not answered that question. "Please?"

She gave a harsh sigh, "Yes, I forgive you." It was rougher than it should have been and probably didn't sound very convincing, but she was hurt. She suddenly wanted to be alone, without his sad eyes staring at her. "Can we go back to the hold?"

"Sorsha, please. I want...we should talk about this." He pleaded with her. "It's not good to hold things inside. Please...I feel like...I know I have failed you. I want to make it right. How can I make it right?"

"You don't need to do anything. You just told me that my father and your parents and _you_ arranged our marriage a month ago and didn't seem to think it was important that I know about it." she said, annoyed that he didn't understand her need to be alone. "It doesn't change anything, we're still getting married, I still _want_ to get married. I just need to have a chance to deal with it all."

"That's not the whole truth." Railen insisted. "I wanted to tell you but was told not to. I wasn't supposed to tell you tonight, but I did because I felt you should know. And me? I didn't have any say in the arrangement. But shards, Sorsha, now...now I want to get married, because now I know you, all the wonderful you and..." The young man struggled with words, unable to really express how he truly felt. How could someone put into words what his heart was bursting with? It was an insurmountable task.

Sorsha looked up at him, starting to feel sympathy for him in spite of her attempt to force it away. "You know you can be very difficult sometimes, if you weren't so wonderful... alright, I guess I don't have to go back, but I don't want to talk either. Let's just walk and enjoy the moonslight."

"If...if you're sure." Railen felt like there was something still in the air, still unresolved. She was just humoring him and he wasn't sure if he liked that. Perhaps going to Green Bend in the morning wasn't such a good idea. He'd give it another day or two, make sure Sorsha was certain she still wanted to get married after all. He didn't want to force her into anything.

"I'm sure." she replied, taking his hand and giving it a slight squeeze. As they walked she kept going over their conversation in her head. It really shouldn't matter, it wasn't important that he didn't tell her. What was important was that they wanted to get married and obviously their parents wanted it too. It really shouldn't matter... yet somehow it did.

Last updated on the November 5th 2008

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A Confession