Innocence in Hiding

Writers: Devin, Clancey
Date Posted: 11th July 2008

Characters: Dysali, D'ren
Description: After more than a sevenday of grieving for I'ster, Dysali tries to get D'ren out for the Restday.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 10, day 14 of Turn 4

The restday dawned sunny and beautiful; not too hot, especially for Dolphin Cove, and definitely not too cold. Not that it was ever cold here. It would be hot later, but for now it was beautiful.

Lillyth yawned from her couch and prodded at her rider.

}:Wake up, Dysali. I want to go fishing. Can we go fishing at that place?:{ The image was of one of the lovely coves that dotted Southern's coast.

Dysali started awake, groggily trying to see what Lillyth was sending.
Oh! That place. She and Lillyth had found it on a sweep ride after Threadfall and Lillyth said the fish there were big and good to eat.
She had never taken D'ren there, and she didn't think they'd ever been fishing. Perhaps she could get him to go...

}:Yes, lets go fishing with Menanth and his. Hurry!:{ She packed a small carisak and asked Lillyth to let Menanth know they were coming to see them, but not why.

}:Lillyth's is here,:{ Menanth announced to his rider.

D'ren rolled over and kept his eyes closed. **I don't want to see anybody. I just want to sleep.**

}:But she can make you feel better.:{ D'ren sighed at the sad note in his dragon's voice. **Tell her to come in here.**

Lillyth and Menanth were twining necks in greeting, and Dysali padded quietly into D'ren's weyr. "D'ren? You're still in bed, love?" She said as she headed into his bedroom and sank down to the edge of his bed, noting that he hadn't even opened his eyes to say hello.

"I'm tired," he muttered.

"Tired? Half the morning is already gone..." She paused and looked closer at him. "Are you sick, D'ren? Menanth didn't say anything to LIllyth."

"I'm not sick. I just don't want to get up," he answered.

"But maybe fishing would be just the thing... " She reached out a hesitant hand to touch his cheek. "Why don't you want to get up?"

"I just ... don't, okay? This is the one day I don't have to do anything, and just want to sleep." In the sevendays after the hurricane, there had been too much to do and he didn't have much chance to rest, even on restdays. Things were back to normal now, as normal as a life fighting Thread could be. He'd started to relax a little, to see more of the bright side of life. And then ... I'ster...

Despite the heat, D'ren pulled the sheet up to his neck. "I'm sorry for ruining your day."

She started tugging on the sheet. "You're not ruining my day, but you're not going to lie here doing nothing either! Come on D'ren, you can sleep on the beach. Lillyth wants to go fishing and she says Menanth wants to go too, so come on.. get up!" She wasn't quite sure this was about I'ster, but she was starting to suspect. He _had_
been getting better, stopping all of his worrisome talk.. and then...
I'ster. And it was like none of the healing had ever happened.

But it had been more than a sevenday since I'ster died! She looked at him again.

}:I do want to go,:{ Menanth said. }:We should be out in the sun. It is very nice outside.:{
**You can go. You don't have to stay with me.**

The bronze crooned. }:Come with us. Please. I don't like it when you're sad.:{ "Fine," D'ren grumbled and got out of bed.

"What the matter, D'ren? It will be fun, you'll see. If you don't grumble all day, that is!" She said, moving to pack a small bag for him with a towel and looking for his fishing gear. Surely he had some!

D'ren pulled on a pair of shorts, then he dug around in the pile of clothing near his closet, looking for his sandals. He should bag them up for the laundry, but that could wait.

Dysali stared at him for a moment. He wasn't even talking! She wasn't ready to give up yet, but if he kept that up she was going to try to push him out of his sadness the hard way. "I really think fishing will cheer you right up, D'ren! Then maybe we can even cook what we catch. Do you know how to cook fish?"

"Not really. I watched my ma do it sometimes." He found his sandals and set them near the door. " I would probably just burn them."

Dysali 'hmmphed' at him and shook her head. He _was_ going to ruin the day if he kept that up! "Fine, I'll cook them..are you ready now?"

Lillyth and Menanth were waiting on the ledge.

"Yeah." He stepped into his riding boots and grabbed his sandals on the way out. He stuffed them into the bag Dysali was carrying. "We're just going down to the beach, right? No /between/?"

Dysali was slightly surprised. What did /between/ have to do with anything? Oh, yes, they were both dressed for swimming, but her riding jacket was out on Lillyth. "Actually, we are going /between/.
There is a cove Lillyth and I found on a Sweep. One of the many that dot Southern's coastline. The fishing was very good there. Its a very short jump, but still, maybe a jacket. /Between/ seems a little colder these days."

She could have kicked herself the moment the words left her mouth.
She was here trying to cheer him up, not make it worse! Stupid greenrider.

"_Everything_ seems colder these days." He sighed. "I'd really rather stay here, Dysali."

Well _that_ was it. She'd had enough of this attitude. "And what, D'ren? Hide? Hide away from people and dragons that love you? Its not doing you ANY good to "stay" here! You're afraid - afraid to enjoy life because our friend can't! I'ster would want you to enjoy your life! Not hide from it."

He clenched his fists. "And what am I supposed to do? Plaster a smile on my face and pretend that everything's fine? Because it's _not_! I was supposed to be watching out for him, and I let him die!"

"Fool bronzerider! It is NOT your fault! Thread is mindless. It just takes, without a pattern. We cannot prevent every death. You DID watch out for him. You helped him learn to be a dragonrider and flame Thread in a fighting Wing. But _you_ did not let him die. You know better than me that you can't do that in Threadfall. You CAN'T. If you're not totally together with your dragon and your spot in the Wings, not just I'ster dies. But maybe more riders. Remember when O'dan made that mistake? COUNTLESS riders died."

She frowned at him, her own cheeks flushed in anger though her hands stayed at her waist. "No one is asking you to pretend you don't hurt.
But if you stay like this, you will die of the pain! Whats it doing to Menanth? Have you asked him what he thinks? He knows the truth of that Fall better than any of us."

"We've talked. A lot. But that's between him and me." D'ren crossed his arms. He didn't know whether he wanted to yell or cry. He tried to keep his voice calm. "I'm not going to die of pain. I just want to sleep. It's a _rest_ day. I don't feel like getting dragged to the beach so you can try to cheer me up. I don't want cheering up."

}:He is very upset. I thought your rider would make him happy,:{ Menanth told Lillyth.

Lillyth relayed the message and Dysali paled visibly under her tan.
She felt miserable. She was failing not just D'ren, it seemed, but Menanth too. **He doesn't _want_ to be happy, beloved. I don't know if I can do it or not.**

"Then stay here and rest, D'ren. But you were falling into depression before I'ster died and you're headed that way again, even if you won't admit it. If you stay here and sleep, you'll just be hiding for longer. Get out a bit and relax! Its not like fishing is _work_.
Its fun. But if you would rather sleep, I would certainly never _drag_ you anywhere. So sleep."

The last time he'd been like this, she'd given in and let him be ..withdrawn... all he liked. He'd gone days without speaking much to her - just making sure she was alright - and days without wanting her physically. And she'd _let_ him. This was far worse... and she wasn't sure if letting him do it to himself again was the right thing, or not. Tears threatened and her eyes misted as her own fists curled up when she said 'sleep'.

He turned around. He couldn't deal with this. "Maybe next restday," he said, and started walking toward the sleeping room.

She raised her hand after him, but no sound came out. She stood there as he disappeared into the sleeping room again in disbelief.
And anger. And worry. And .. well.. fear.

Finally, she turned away with a very soft, "Sleep well with no dreams and wake rested, my love." Before she was mounted on Lillyth, tears were falling. With one last glance at Menanth, Lillyth leaped from the ledge crooning and they were gone.

Last updated on the July 14th 2008

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Innocence in Hiding