Problems

Writers: Eimi, Paula
Date Posted: 27th March 2008

Characters: Benaroy, Zelanka, Petriv
Description: Benaroy and Zelanka go to visit Lantriv's new baby, and it calls to mind his own troubled birth
Location: Amber Hills Hold
Date: month 9, day 9 of Turn 4
Notes: Follows "New life and old memories"

Benaroy nodded to the healer who greeted them when they walked into the nursery. "Our headwoman has been kind enough to offer to show me her new grandchild. Please feel free to go about your business."

"Yes, sir. And congratulations, ma'am", the journeyman nodded to Zelanka. "I'll be doing my rounds if you need me."

Benaroy was waved the young man off, but smiled down at his companion once he has walked out of the door. They would have a few moments alone at least.

The baby was sleeping peacefully in a crib. Only half of the face and a turf of dark hair was visible under the blanket-wrap.
Zela felt the familiar tenderness and ache she always felt in presence of babies. Especially if they were her grandchildren. She had only given birth to three children. How she wished there had been more. But fate had other plans...

~*~

Zelanka knew something was wrong. Her stomach hurt too much. And she still had a month and a sevenday before she was due. She stopped her work, laundry inventory, to dug her fists into the small of her back.

"Problems?" the other assistant headwoman asked.

Zelanka grimaced. "I think I should go to see a healer. I'm having contractions and it's five sevendays too early." After two birth's she knew the difference between false and real contraction.

"Go! I can finish this off, I just drag some drudge to help me," she sounded alarmed.

Zelanka nodded grafefully. A sharp pain made her moan and douple over.
She felt the warm liquid wet her tights.

"You're bleeding!" the other woman's voice was shrill. It sounded so distant. The world was swaying and then it went dark. When she came back to conciousness, she was at the infirmary and healers buzzed around her.

-----

"Good afternoon, sir," the drudge said, giving a polite curtsy to the Lord Holder as she entered his office.

"Aigasa? Where... Is it tea time already?" he asked, catching himself and disguising his surprise.

"Yes, sir," she said, setting the tray down on the edge of his table.
"Do you take your tea here?"

"Yes, that's fine." He wanted to ask why Zela had not brought him his tea, but was afriad it was too obvious. A Lord Holder would take no interest in who brought him his tea, only if it were on time.

Luckily, the drudge was more than happy to answer his question for him.
"Did you hear about Zelanka, sir?"

Benraoy could feel his guts flip inside his body, but he kept his face a cold, indifferent mask as he set his hidework aside. "No, I have not.
What's happened?"

"She went into labor in the kitchens, sir. We're all more than a little afraid for her." Aigasa shook her greying hair sadly. "It's too early.
Something must be wrong, and there was so much blood..."

He could feel the blood drain from his own face. "She's in labor now, then?"

"Yes sir. Her husband has been called of course. I just hope it isn't too late." She sighed heavily as she poured the tea for him. "Would you like me to stay and wait for your tray, sir?"

"No. No, that's fine. It can be collected after dinner." He placed his hands on his knees and gripped them like a vice to keep himself from jumping up right then and there and running like a wild man out the door. "Thank you, Aigasa."

His eyes followed her as she walked out the door. He didn't even realize until the bolt snapped back into the door frame that he had been holding his breath. Shaking hands come up craddle his face.
**Oh Faranth, not again. Not Zela. I can't loose Zela too...**

-----

Petriv held his wife's hand gently between his. She looked so pale.
They weren't lovers, but they were friends and he did care about her.
He didn't want to loose her, not this way. Besides, that would leave him alone with two small children. Wether or not the children were sired by him was secondary in his mind. He was quite sure the oldest one wasn't his nor this one. He blaimed himself over it, if only he could love her as husband should! To all outsiders, he was devoted and loving husband and father, but only the latter one was genuine.

"What's happening?" Zelanka asked groggily.

"Your in labour," Petriv told her. "The placenta came loose and that started the birth," or so the healers had explained to him. The healers had also told him that she was bleeding too much and if they didn't get the baby out soon, they would loose both. Unconciously, he tighted his hold of her hand.

Benaroy watched the pair of them through the office door as one of the healers tried to explain the situation to him, but he was not listening.
He had stood in Petriv's place not two turns before and watched his own wife bleed to death as she birthed his daughter Anzha. It was only a few months after that when he had allowed himself to seek comfort in Zelanka's arms, and had been surprised to find so much more. And now it was her laying on a cold healer's cot, slowly dying as she tried to give birth to the fruit of that affair.

"Are you almost ready to begin?" he asked, trying to keep his tone as that of a Lord Holder wanting for nothing more than to see the successful addition of a new member to his Hold. **We can never show it...** Her words echoed in his mind as he looked at Petriv for the first time with a feeling of burning jealousy deep down in his soul. It should be him holding her hand and offering her words of encouragement.

"Very shortly," the healer nodded. "We are just sterilizing the instruments now. We should be able to begin in just a few minutes."

"Perhaps you should speak with Petriv. Distract him a bit. It would ease his mind. I'm sure its overflowing with questions." The Lord Holder gave the Healer a look which spoke volumes. It was not a suggestion. "I know it would have eased mine when my wife was bleeding to death on your table."

"Of course," the healer nodded, flushing just a bit at the Lord Holder's possible displeasure.

"Petriv?" Benaroy called softly as he walked out of the office. "Why don't you let me sit with her a moment while you talk to the healer."

The herder's gaze shifted from his wife to the Lord holder. Zelanka had drifted off again. Part of him wanted to protest, she was his wife, but you didn't say no to the Lord Holder. He stood up and looking him to the eyes, asked softly:"Please, take good care of her."

Benaroy couldn't help but wonder at his words if Petriv didn't know. He should have felt ashamed, and yet he couldn't bring himself to be. If his child lived, it would be Petriv that he would call father. It would be Petriv who would take Zelanka home. He would have the family Benaroy could only watch from afar and lament that they should have been his.
"The Healer is just going to explain everything to you one more time.
You'll be back by her side soon."

Petriv only nodded and went past him to talk with the healer.

He followed them with his eyes all the way to the healers office and was relieved when they shut the door. Just in case, he pulled the curtain a little further. "Zela?" he whispered, reaching for her hand. His stomach clenched into a painful knot as he looked down into her pale face. Her hand was nearly limp in his. She was slipping away from him.
"Zela, look at me. Please, look at me?"

Zelanka was slipping in and out of conciousness, but she managed to turn her head to look at him. "Ben," she whispered with silent voice.

"Yes, my love, I'm here," he murmured, brushing tendrils of hair from her forehead. "The healers are going to help you. It will be over soon. Just stay strong a little longer."

"I hope the baby will be all right. Lantriv for a boy or Trivzela for a girl. I'm sorry I can't name the baby after you."

He felt a lump fill his throat as he opened his mouth. At first he could not force any sound out for fear that it would sound too close to a hopeless sob. Benaroy took another deep breath, shoving down his fears and dispair. He had to stay strong too. "I think those names are beautiful."

But she had drifted off. The healers came in, ready to start the operation and ushered all non-healer out of the room.

Petriv leaned the wall outside and buried his face to his hands.

The Lord Holder found himself cast out of the infirmary as well. His heart was as pained as the man standing before him, but he knew the rules - **We cannot show how we feel...** When he and Zela had been alone together he had been just 'Ben', but out where eyes could see, he was always Lord Benaroy. And shards how he envied Petriv even more now.
To be able to give in and show the world his fear, his grief, his guilt, his love...

**I can never show it...**

Last updated on the March 29th 2008

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