Grief

Writers: AL
Date Posted: 23rd March 2008

Characters: Eliste
Description: Eliste has bad dreams involving her husband and her deceased child.
Location: Elsewhere on Pern
Date: month 8, day 14 of Turn 4

She was back in their cot, the glows dim. She could hear Veral crying.
Where was she? Eliste ran through the cot, searching, but unable to find her. In her hand she held a bottle. Where had that come from? Ah, the healer. The healer had given it to her. Veral was sick, she had a fever.
She needed her medicine.

Eliste searched, looking under the bead, in the wardrobe. She ran outside, but the crying faded, so she moved back in where the sobs assaulted her once more. "Veral? Veral?" She called out. Her voice sounded muddied and refused to carry. She couldn't hear her mother, could she? Eliste rushed through, clutching the bottle tightly to her stomach.
Somehow, the cot had grown larger. There were so many more rooms, so many more places to hide.

There was shouting then - Helvar's voice. Eliste quickened her pace. The sound seemed to surround her and she found it difficult to tell where they were coming from. A hall of doors suddenly appeared and she opened them, leaving when she saw the rooms beyond were empty, not bothering to close the doors behind her.

"Veral!" Panic was rising as the intensity of Veral's screams and Helvar's shouting increased. Finally, at the end of the hallway was the last door. Eliste flung it open to see Helvar standing over his daughter, shouting at her. She could smell liquor, beer and wine mingled together in a sickening odor. Eliste started toward her child, but before she could take more than a step, Helvar lashed out, his palm cracking against Veral's cheek. The child's delicate body lurched, her neck whipped around and a loud crack calmed everything into silence. Veral slumped over, her face relaxing suddenly, her dark eyes still open, but no longer seeing her father nor her mother.

Helvar was gone. The doors were gone. The room was gone. Darkness surrounded them and Eliste could see nothing but the broken body of her child. She collapsed beside Veral, then drew her into her arms. Sobs began to wrack her body and tears fell, forming a pull at her feet which grew until a river began to flow. The water deepened, surrounding them and pulled Veral's body away from her mother. Eliste cried out, somehow finding herself on shore and watching her daughter's body being carried away by the currently. She reached out and lurched toward Veral, determined to go with her, but something pressed against her belly and she looked down to see a railing. She turned and found herself on the riverboat. A pipe was playing and she moved toward the sound. Fog and Nico were on deck, Fog playing the pipe, Nico laughing and dancing.
Suddenly, Helvar was there with them, taking Nico's hands, laughing and dancing with him.

There was something warm in her arms and Eliste looked down to see a baby swaddled in a quilt of green. A shadow fell across her and the baby was ripped from her arms. Eliste looked up to see Helvar shaking the baby.
She lunged at him, her fingernails clawing toward his face, screaming for Nico and Fog to help her, but they were gone. Helvar raised his hand, aimed at the baby and no amount of pulling from Eliste could bring it down.

***

Eliste woke with a start and the echo of her scream died. She shivered, chilled by her dream, then gasped as she felt a contraction. Her abdomen tightened and her back hurt. Eliste closed her eyes and took several deep breathes. The contraction faded. A few minutes later, another one came, then slowed down and died. After that, there was no more.

She drew the baby blanket that she had made for her daughter. Lavender of different shades was accented by flowers appliqued on top of them. Varel's name was embroidered in a deep purple in the corner. She had taken the quilt to bed with her every night since leaving her husband, holding it close. She could still smell her baby's scent on it.

Eliste curled up into a ball, sobbing into the quilt. She could have lived with the fact that Helvar did not love her. She could have lived with the strikes, the verbal debasement. She could have lived with all that if he just hadn't touched her child. Now Veral was gone and she was to have another. She would not let him get this child too. She would rather die.

She wasn't sure how long she cried, but it seemed like hours. The tears had run out for the moment, but she was certain they would come again.
Her heart ached, her stomach was tight, and she felt short of breath. She had grieved. Her mother had come to the Hold after Veral's death and Eliste had been able to grieve in those comforting arms. That was when the idea to leave was planted in her thoughts, by her own mother. After Eliste had found out she was pregnant, there was no question about whether or not she was going to leave.

On the riverboat, there was no one to hold her. She was alone - but she was also away from Helvar. Eliste buried her face in the quilt once more, taking a deep breath to get as much of Veral's since in her as possible.
She closed her eyes, hoping sleep would come, but knowing that it was unlikely.

Last updated on the March 29th 2008

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Grief