An Unenviable Position

Writers: Eimi, Yvonne
Date Posted: 1st October 2007

Characters: Penryn, Thalia
Description: Penryn is in need of a friend, and Thalia is the one who comes to mind
Location: Garnet Valley Hold
Date: month 6, day 3 of Turn 4

It had seemed the logical choice... until Thalia opened the door. Looking down into her confused face he felt an even bigger fool. And yet he couldn't seem to find it in himself to care about propriety. "I'm sorry, Lady." **I shouldn't be here...** But... "I... I just didn't know where else to go..."

"Goodness! Whatever is the matter?" Thalia pressed a hand to her mouth. "Is your boy all right?"

"Oh yes, yes," he quickly assured her, regretting ever knocking on the door. "I'm sorry, m'lady, I'm disturbing you. Perhaps I should come back later."

Thalia peered out the door and down the hall. There was no one in sight so she grabbed Penryn's arm and pulled him inside - if no one knew that he was there, it wouldn't be improper, would it? Besides, she'd been testing the boundaries of impropriety with Kiomo of late, and this was _Penryn_. "Nonsense. You look a wreck. What happened?"

"Nothing, really. I just..." He ought not to have come to her of all people. And yet she was the first person, really the _only_
person who came to mind. "I just really need to talk to someone." "Of course." She gestured for him to sit, then looked around helplessly for something - anything - she could offer him, and wished that she could send for klah. But not when Penryn was alone with her in her apartment. "I.. ah, did you want a glass of water? I'm afraid that's all I can offer you."

"That would be wonderful, thank you." Perhaps it would give him a moment to get himself together. He sank down onto the sofa and watched her walk towards the cut glass carafe on a nearby side table.
**Shards, Penryn, what are you doing?**

She brought him a glass of water and pressed it into his hand before sitting down at the other end of the couch. Suddenly Thalia was nervous - it had been a long time since they'd talked like this, and the setting was somewhat more... intimate. It brought to mind their last disastrous encounter and the awkward moments since then. She twisted her hands in her lap. "What happened?"

"It's silly really," Penryn said softly, wrapping his fingers around the glass in his hands. "Had you heard that one of my foremen, Kashard, was married this last restday?"

"No, I hadn't. Kashard... he's the one with the stooped shoulders and sad eyes, is he not?"

Penryn really hadn't thought about it. "I... suppose so..." He shook his head. It really didn't matter if she knew him or not. "Anyway, he and his new wife of course moved into new quarters together. It just happens that the rooms they chose were the rooms I just moved out of. They were the rooms Jaika and I moved into right after we were married. It makes sense. They're perfect for a new family just starting out. And I know they couldn't remain empty forever. It's just..." "It's just that they used to be Jaika's." Thalia smiled sadly and looked down at her hands. This was the sort of thing that Ryalane ought to have been there for - it made her feel slightly traitorous, and she enjoyed it. The Steward nodded. He knew Thalia would understand him. She had a knack for that. "You know, sometimes I would come home at night and I could just imagine the conversations we'd have. I mean, I knew she was gone, but... She was alive for me there."

"You miss her a lot, don't you."

"I do. I always will. But I'm moving on. I can feel it." But moving on to what was not a question he wanted to ask himself.

"How long- has it been?"

"She died in the first Turn of the Pass, so I suppose it's been three Turns since she died." In fact Thread fell the day she passed away.
It was strange. He had forgotten that detail until now. There were so many little details he was forgetting.

Three turns was a long time to mourn. Once again Thalia found herself in the unenviable position of being jealous of a dead woman, and once again she suppressed the emotion. There was nothing between them but friendship, now. "That's a long time for those rooms to be hers. I...
realize that it's hard, but... they deserve a new family now. Someone else to laugh in there. You've moved on and remarried and are making a new life, but that doesn't mean you've left her behind. Her memory is preserved just as well in your head as it is between four walls."

"But my head is forgetting her day by day. It was so easy to remember her being surrounded by so many memories." It had not always been a good thing. After all, that was why he had often escaped into his work. "I find myself thinking of her less and less every day. I know that is how it should be, but, in a way it...
feels..." Shards, he could hear the cracking in his own voice. He cleared his throat, hoping to cover it. "Sometimes it feels I'm losing her all over again."

Thalia shrugged helplessly. "I wish.. there was something I could say to make things better."

"Please don't do that," he said softly, reaching over to cover her hand lightly. "Don't feel you have to fix me. Just having someone listen, that's enough for me. You don't know how hard it's been to say nothing every day."

She smiled. It might have helped him, but it did nothing for her. **I ought to kick him out,** she thought. This was Ryalane's duty now, and hearing about Jaika only ever made her feel jealous... but the fact that he'd sought _her_ out to confide in meant that she couldn't do it. "Then I'm glad that I could do that for you."

Last updated on the October 1st 2007

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An Unenviable Position