The Stone Around Her Neck

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 21st April 2007

Characters: B'ram, Traelyn
Description: While laying in bed together, B'ram and Traelyn talk a little about their shared past.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 3, day 16 of Turn 4

B'ram

Neither one seemed in the mood to sleep, though they should have been exhausted. B'ram curled an arm under his head as he pet Trae's light-blond hair. He watched her as she trailed slow soft kisses across his chest. It wasn't meant to be arousing, he had learned over their many nights together. It was just something Trae did when they cuddled. He wondered why that was. Why was it, even after the most intense rounds of lovemaking, she still felt the need to touch him and caress him. At first it had seemed so guilty, almost as if she wanted to hide the fact of what they had done behind more lies. But now he understood that wasn't the case. It was just something she did, and he certainly didn't discourage it. In fact it made him feel trusted and wanted. He liked it. He liked it a lot.

After they had finally said all those things they had tried to keep hidden from each other, after they had finally released each other from all the guilt and the shame that had been building for months, he had started to see her in a new light. He didn't suspect her motives or her actions anymore. B'ram actually let himself appreciate and _enjoy_ them, just as he was learning to appreciate and enjoy her.

When her eyes flickered up to his, he smiled at her, his fingers following a tendril of hair to softly caress her jaw. "You have the most beautiful eyes..."

She blinked, somewhat surprised as she tilted her chin to follow his caress. He'd never complimented her before. Not with words. His eyes had complimented her, and his hands, and his lips...but it wasn't the same as hearing him say it out loud. And she liked hearing it. She liked it very much. Her smile was rather shy as she gently rested her hand on his chest. "I have my mother to thank for them."

**I know...** It was B'ram's turn to be shy as his eyes broke away from hers. They didn't really talk about things they _liked_ about each other.
But still, it felt rather good to say those things. It was just another level of honesty he thought they'd never reach. "I always liked your eyes."

"Always?" She rested her chin against his skin, her small smile turning into a small grin. "Even when I was the annoying tag-a-long you always wanted to ditch?"

"All right, maybe not then," he admitted. Though all the boys seemed to realize eventually that their little tag-a-long was more than a minor distraction. And they all felt a little stab of jealousy when she seemed to favor Lakub over the rest...

Traelyn snorted softly.

"What?" he asked defensively as his fingers traced the back of her hand. "I was too young to notice girls when you first started following us around..."

"Just like I was too young to notice boys?"

He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Why were you always hanging around the boys then, hmmm?"

"Because you boys were a lot more fun to be around than the girls. You went swimming, tree-climbing, exploring, clutch-hunting..." Her fingers absently began to trace patternless designs across his chest. "And the girls just wanted to stay inside or sit in one spot and play in the sand."
She wrinkled her nose. "They weren't very adventurous."

B'ram chuckled as he reached down to bring her fingers to his lips. She had been nothing if not adventurous. It was a trait she obviously had not lost, he mused as he kissed each one softly. Shards, that had been so long ago...

"Well, they weren't. They were boring," she murmured, watching him.

"We certainly weren't boring, were we." He liked the look on her face as he teasingly ran his tongue across the sensitive tip of her index finger.

Her breath caught lightly, and her eyes seemed to darken, matching the shadows that surrounded them as she slowly inched herself up a little further along his body. "Certainly not."

Well, since they were talking about the past, there had been a question that had always been burning in his mind that he had wanted to ask her. They were being very open and honest. It seemed the right time. "Trae...
That night, before L'kub's birthday party when you and I were alone decorating together... Why did you kiss me?" He paid extra-special attention to her fingers as he avoided looking her in the eye. B'ram didn't know what answer he was expecting, or even wanted. He just...
wanted to finally know.

Traelyn closed her eyes. Shards... It had happened so long ago, and yet when she had her eyes shut, she could still remember that moment as if it had happened only moments before. The thrill that had run through her when his mouth closed on hers...that addictive, edgy thrill. The look of youth's innocent passion reflecting in his eyes when their lips parted. The frosty expression marring his face when she'd turned away. Something that had happened over ten Turns ago shouldn't have this much of an affect on her. It shouldn't. A wry smile hinted at her lips as her eyes opened.
But then, considering everything else, maybe it was actually fitting for it to matter so much.

The wry smile faded, and she propped herself up on an elbow. "B'ram..." Gently she touched his cheek. "I didn't mean for it to hurt."

"Then what was it? Was it just because I was there?" It was silly that he wanted to know. Shards, that had been so long ago! And yet he did want answers. His pride demanded them.

Looking down, she studied base of his throat. "There was always sexual tension between us. You know that." **In fact, you acted first...**

"There was sexual tension between you and every guy in the group." They had all been surprised when she had turned her attention so completely on Lakub, the quietest and most unassuming of all the boys. And they had all felt that little pang of jealousy the first time they watched them slip off alone, hand in hand...

"B'ram, it was so long ago...."

"Please don't do that, Trae. Don't pretend you don't remember what I'm talking about." He knew her too well for that.

Sighing, she sat up, running her fingers through her hair as she fought against her rising irritation, which was springing from her guilt. Shards. "What do you want me to say, B'ram? Sometimes...sometimes things just happen, and there's not always an explanation. We were so young, dabbling in sex for the first time, and we were alone and aware of each other." Turning her head, she looked down at him, expression unreadable in the darkness. "Do we really need to know anything more than that?"

He could tell that she was irritated, and he certainly didn't want to ruin the night they had been having. But, at the same time, he wanted to know and now was the best time to find out. "Please, Trae. It doesn't change anything. I just need to know. Did you feel anything for me at all that night? Or was I just the one who was there?"

There was a strange expression on her face, and she hesitated. The guilt that she'd been trying to push down was resurfacing, and along with it, L'kub's innocent, young face. Closing her eyes, she looked away and wrapped her arms tightly around her legs. "I felt something."

B'ram sat up in the bed and rested against the headboard, pulling his legs up to his chest in a posture that mirrored her own. It didn't change anything. He knew she felt much more for L'kub than she ever felt for him. But in just a few moments of kissing, she had convinced him that she felt something for him like he had always felt for her, and for a moment there, he had been willing to throw away his friendship with his best friend for Trae. B'ram had been ready to face his friend and tell him that he had stolen his love away from him, risking a lifetime of friendship over a girl. When she pulled back and told him it had just been one of those things, he had never felt so dooped in his life, or ashamed. Now, he couldn't help but feel a slight bit of justification. It hadn't been all in his mind.

But he could tell that this revelation had been hard for her. B'ram had let go of the guilt long before. Trae's many lovers later in her relationship with L'kub had made their stolen moment seem positively innocent. And he had used his wounded pride as fuel for his hatred against Trae. Shards, that was a long time ago. And a lot had changed. More than he ever had thought possible. Now, instead of hating her, he pitied her for the guilt she still carried. B'ram leaned forward, and in an uncharacteristically tender gesture, he kissed her bare shoulder softly, just enough to tell her he understood and that he actually, surprisingly, cared.

There was a burning behind her eyes, and she swallowed thickly. To know that B'ram understood without her having to say anything, without having to explain herself to him...shards... Keeping her eyes closed, she shifted, moving back against the headboard alongside him. Then she leaned against his body, curling her knees up so she could nestle comfortably against him.
It hurt to look back on those Turns of her life at Far Island...those Turns when she had made so many mistakes and had hurt so many people. Again, L'kub's youthful, smiling face beamed up at her from behind her lids, and she squeezed her eyes shut even tighter until specks of light pierced the image, blurring it.

As B'ram curled his arms around her, pulling her close against him, he felt a quick stab of guilt. After all, she was only upset because he brought up a painful past. He kissed the top of her head softly and rubbed his hands down her back and through her hair. No matter how much he had hated her for breaking his heart, and for breaking his best friend's heart, it was obvious that Trae had broken her own heart too. Part of him wished she could finally let go of the guilt and the regrets. A piece of him wished she could find a way to let go of the past, forgive herself, and start life fresh without that stone around her neck. Part of him wished that she could find real happiness once more. But only part of him. After all, if she could let go of her pain, she wouldn't need him anymore to help her forget...

Last updated on the April 22nd 2007

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The Stone Around Her Neck