Answer Enough

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 3rd April 2007

Characters: B'ram, Traelyn
Description: B'ram seeks Traelyn's forgiveness
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 3, day 1 of Turn 4
Notes: Follows "Not Tonight"

B'ram

Had done it. He had stood up to her, stood up to the temptation, and he'd come out victorious. And it wasn't half as bad as he thought it would be.
Sure, she'd left angry, but she'd be back. And next time she'd know that she couldn't just have him any old time she felt like it. No, it was now on _his_ terms! He was taking his life back. If he decided he was tired and didn't feel like it, he could just say "no" and she'd know he meant it. Or if he wanted to spend a night with Eleada or some other woman, he could say "not tonight" and she'd stay away. The rules had been laid out and she _would_ abide by them or it was over. End of story.

He sat back on the sofa with a satisfied nod. See, he didn't need her after all. He didn't have to come when she called, and he didn't have to perform like her little pet. He was his own man again. Yes sir. Say goodbye to Weak B'ram. That wherry's ass was gone for good.

**Goodbye, old B'ram.** He sighed and crossed his arms in front of himself. "I did good," he nodded approvingly. When he thought of just how _desperate_ she was acting! And that leg trick! She almost had him there, he had to admit. But he is a stronger man now. He was able to stand up under her wrath and let it blow over him like a hot wind. Yeah, he sniffed, she'd be back.

He shook his head as the glimmer of a thought crept into the back of his mind. **No. Don't think on that,** he told himself. She'll be back. She needs him. Any day now, she'd come crawling back, begging for it. Course she would. **But what if when she said goodbye... what if she really meant it?**

"No," he growled as he shook his head more vehemently. No, she didn't mean goodbye really. And besides. So what if she did. He didn't need her. He wasn't bound to her. Not anymore. So what if she was gone for good. Good riddance! Were his hands sweating? And was it his imagination or did the temperature in the room drop significantly? His nostrils flared as his breathing quickened. Shards, was that... fear? "No. I don't need her. I don't."

But if she was gone for good... "No," B'ram growled, leaping up off the couch. "I don't need her. I don't want her. I don't want her in my life ever again!" But the words almost seemed to echo off the cold stone walls. If he could never touch her again... never feel her hands run along his skin... If her tongue never slid so gently across his...

He could feel the cold emptiness in the pit of his stomach - that old familiar ache that made it hard to breathe sometimes. Even now he felt like he was drowning in it. If she never moaned his name... Never dug her fingers into his hair, or his back... If she never kissed him softly when he lay beside her, or feel her fill that space in his arms... If she never looked at him with that glow in her eyes, the seductive smile on her lips... If he could never watch her slowly peel the clothes from her body just for him and never run his tongue along her skin just to taste her...

**Shards, you wherry's ass! What have you done?!**

~~~

It had been a long time since Traelyn had felt a cold, burning rage like this. Usually her anger didn't manifest this way, but it certainly did this time--and she knew why. It was because of rejection. Only rejection could reduce her such an eerily calm, cold state.

There was a burning behind her eyes, but she blinked it back. **Am I really so weak that I'd _cry_ over him? I don't cry. I won't!** Stubbornly she closed her eyes tightly, raking a hand through her hair, nails snagging on the loose braid that was starting to fall. She didn't need him. Just like he didn't need her! She'd find other company--another man to roll with who wouldn't expect anything from her. And she'd use him.

Moaning softly, she covered her eyes. But that man wouldn't understand _why_ she needed to use him. He wouldn't understand her. And that understanding was so vitally important... **I'm a scorched hypocrite.**

Taking her hand away from her face, she stared down at it, realizing for the first time that it was shaking. Afraid? She was _afraid_? No. No, she didn't feel fear. She wouldn't dare be reduced to that!

"Trae?" He tried to keep his voice steady. B'ram had hoped he could come down here and stand before her with the same strength and determination he had when she arrived. He had hoped he could somehow twist his feelings around and pretend, perhaps even convince himself, that he was doing her a favor by coming here. But he just couldn't. B'ram had faced just how weak he really was and failed miserably to stand up to the test. Shards, he only hoped somehow she could forgive him.

Relief, and hope, flooded her at the sound of his voice--only to be swiftly replaced by that cold fury. He couldn't see her like this! She was too vulnerable. He'd pounce on it like predator on prey and use it against her in the most vile way imaginable. He would! Torn by her conflicting emotions, she whirled around. "Get out!" she growled, riding on the icy edge of her temper, hoping it would keep her safe and secure.

He wanted to go. Truly, he did. But just at the sound of those words he could feel that emptiness in him swell. "Trae, please. I..." **What? I'm sorry? I'm weak? I'm desperate? I'm pathetic?** "I... Trae, I need you." Shards, his eyes stung as he could hear in his own voice make that tragic confession. "I need you, Trae. I do."

She backed away. "You seemed convinced otherwise not a candlemark ago."

He took a step towards her, knowing full well that Trae was right. He actually had been convinced a candlemark before that he could live quite happily without ever laying eyes on her again. But that was before the fear set in - the fear that he might never feel again the way she could make him feel. What could he say? "I need you."

She looked at him. Just looked at him. **What have we done to each other, B'ram?** It was a question she never seemed to stop asking. And as she silently watched him, Traelyn desperately tried to hold on to her anger, but it was warming, melting, trickling away and slipping slyly through her fingers. She couldn't grasp on to it! And she wanted to stay angry. She wanted him to suffer. The thought made her sick, and inwardly she cringed. Seeing the vulnerability in his face, the defeated look in his eyes... He already was suffering.

"I'll never do that again. I promise." B'ram took another step closer, and when she didn't move he took another. "You need me too." He knew she did. If she didn't, well, she wouldn't have let the conversation go on this long.

The fury roared back, abruptly and suddenly slamming into her with enough force to make her feel shaken, unstable. "Of course I need you!" she snarled, hating the pain that filtered into her words. "Of course I do.
And for _you_ to sharding think that you can throw me around like you did tonight...like it's _my_ fault we're scorched. That _I_ started it! Well you know what? It took both of us to get to this pathetic, twisted rut we're stuck in, B'ram. And I know you know that. So don't you ever pin it all on me like that again. And treat me with disdain when you of all people shouldn't be looking down you nose at me!" Stubbornly she clenched her jaw shut to keep from screaming anything else at him, but the passionate, vicious look that flashed across her face--that burned in her eyes--couldn't be dimmed.

She had every right to be angry. Trae was right, he had acted terribly towards her. And that wasn't who he was! Not usually. Only with her. I'm sorry, Trae. I know. You're right. It's just..." **I just hoped we could finally end this...** But neither one had the strength. How long could it go on? "I never intended for us to get into this. I don't know what we're doing. Why are we doing this?" **Why can't we _stop_?**

"I'm not a sharding mindhealer," she snapped, feeling trapped. He had her cornered, using his body and his questions to keep her rooted to the spot...there was nowhere to run.

He could tell by the caged animal look on her face that she really didn't want to talk about it. Probably didn't even want to think about. Really, though, did he? **How will this ever end?...** Would he ever truly want it to end? There were just too many difficult questions, and all the answers he thought he had just a candlemark before... Well, they seemed to be wrong. The only thing he knew for sure was that he needed her, and she needed him. Closing the distance between them, he reached out and gently began pulling on the sash that held her robe closed. It was an amazingly simple act, and yet just that silent promise that their conversation was over stilled the swirling of questions in his mind. He needed her. She needed him. It was answer enough. For now.

Last updated on the April 3rd 2007

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