New And Unexpected

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 2nd January 2007

Characters: Traelyn, B'ram
Description: Traelyn tries to make sense of new and unexpected feelings
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 1, day 8 of Turn 4

B'ram

A billowing plume of steam followed her out as Traelyn exited the bathing room, rubbing a soft towel through her wet hair to dry it more quickly. The hot bath had loosened up her stiff back muscles, but not completely. Wincing, she rolled her shoulders, wondering if maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to be hunched over her desk for so long right after drills had ended. True, she was behind in her hidework, but still....

Shards. She needed a massage.

Sighing, she sat down on the edge of the bed and grabbed her brush, hoping that her hair would untangle easily tonight. She didn't want to stretch her tight muscles any more than she sharding had to. Maybe she should go down to the Healers. No doubt some young man wouldn't mind working on his Weyrwoman's back. U'kaiah certainly would not have objected if she came to him. Her expression turned wistful. His massage had felt so good yesterday. The man really knew what to do with his hands...fingers...knuckles...

Shards, U'kaiah. Each time they saw one other, it just seemed harder and harder to say goodbye. Especially since Turn's End. Frowning, Traelyn pulled at the knot in her hair, trying to ignore the sharp jab in her shoulderblade. That evening...shards, it made her realize just how close a friendship they really did have--how much they truly enjoyed each others' company, how much they truly trusted each other. Their relationship was the kind of friendship Traelyn hadn't experienced since she was in her teens, just coming out of childhood and into young womanhood. She loved the feeling she got when U'kaiah was with her. And when he was gone...she craved it. Like she was craving it now.

She yanked the brush against the knot, hissing when it finally gave way. "Damn it," she muttered, rubbing the side of her head. Sparing a quick glare to the brush, Traelyn resumed combing. It would be so much easier if she and U'kaiah lived at the same Weyr. It was almost hard to remember what it had been like when she'd lived at Dragonsfall all those months ago. But their friendship had evolved greatly since then...there was more between them now--more than she had ever expected they would have. Shards, to live at the same Weyr...they could see each other without having to worry about work, drills, the eight candlemarks between them...

Traelyn didn't want to wait until the next restday. She wanted chat about her day with him now...which would probably progress into their usual teasing quips and sarcastic comebacks--that wonderful, familiar banter--and from there, affection. They had always shared an easy affection: light kisses to the forehead and tender caresses that weren't at all sexual. Their affection just reinforced their friendship--their respect for each other and to show how much they meant to the other. But that kiss on Turn's End....

Setting the brush aside, Traelyn began to twist her long hair into a tight braid. That kiss had stirred something else between them. It was natural for her to see him as the man he was and for him to see her as the woman she was, but still. It had been a little...disconcerting.

A wry, self-deprecating smile curved her lips. And how had she dealt with that unexpected flare of sensuality? She'd seduced B'ram. She had seduced him when she should've let him go. She shouldn't have used him that night, but she had. And for the first time in their twisted relationship, she'd felt a small pang of guilt for doing it--but not enough to stop her from taking his hand and leading him to her weyr.

The brownrider had made love to her that night in such a startlingly tender way that it had eased a part of her she hadn't known was bound so tight. His hands had caressed her, his lips had teased teased her, and he had murmured her name in her ear as she came, then moaned it again as he followed soon after. All of his attention had been focused on her--not on satisfying his own lust by pushing them both to get it over with quickly.
Their leisurely rhythm had been very slow, very soft. It was something they had never experienced together before.

But because of it, their relationship was different now, and she didn't know quite where they stood. It wasn't about their hate of their entwined pasts, or of their mutual loathing for each other, or even their lust anymore.

Shaking her head, she stood and slipped into the light shift, watching herself in the mirror as the material fell like water down her body. Traelyn had stayed away from B'ram for a sevenday. If he wasn't going to seek her out, then she would go to him.

She had to know where they stood.

~~~

He wasn't quite ready to part with it, but his riding jacket was literally falling apart at the seams at some places. B'ram had the basic idea of how to fix it. Fixing a jacket wasn't all that different from making riding straps. His repairs probably wouldn't be pretty, but they would serve his purpose. It was just so much easier than going down to the tanners. If he could keep from jabbing himself with the awl of course.

"Shards," he growled and stuck the pricked finger his mouth. The knock on his door brought another groan as he had to set his work, such as it was, aside. "Coming!" he called, wiping the last few drops of blood on his oiling towel.

Dark gray eyes gazed up at him when he finally opened the door. "Have company?" Traelyn asked softly before he could demand why she was there, her expression almost beseeching him, looking far more vulnerable than she probably would have liked with her hair swept up and out of her face the way it was. She couldn't hide the conflicting emotions from him with her face so exposed, looking so young and uncertain. Because that was how she felt tonight. Uncertain. Not angry. Not frustrated or bitter.

Traelyn wondered if he felt the same. How could he not, after the way they'd lain together on the night of Turn's End? Things were different between them now, and she knew she just couldn't go back to the way they had been before. Not ever, now that she'd gotten a taste of something else he had to offer....something far sweeter than passion spurred on by anger and fueled by hatred.

B'ram looked straight into her eyes, saying nothing but shifting uncomfortably. He knew this moment would come. They had to establish just what this new relationship was, what it meant, what was expected of them. It wasn't that their feelings towards each other had changed. Just their needs had gone through a transformation. He had needed that feeling of almost normalcy in their relationship. For the first time, he was able to treat her as a woman. Maybe not a friend, and maybe not a real lover, but a woman.

He had used her to make him feel wanted, to feel desired, and chosen. He had used her to stroke his ego that had been so battered and abused when Atreyn left him for another. After all, what man wouldn't be be flattered to find the Weyrwoman came to him when she could have the pick of the Weyr. It had been so easy to just use her body to cover a multitude of hurts and to vent every pent up frustration. Coming to a place where they could at least pretend that they were doing nothing wrong lessened the shame of it all somewhat. What he couldn't figure out, though, was what she wanted from him in return.

What Traelyn wanted from him was loving--and even affection. It was as simple as that. But without the emotional ties; the ties that bound a man and a woman for a much longer period of time than it took for them both to reach their peaks of satisfaction during just one lusty night in the bed.

Maybe it wasn't so simple.

Without that emotional bond between them, there were no expectations. He did not expect her to give him anything beyond what they were already giving each other between the sheets. He would never love her, or expect her to love him. The very idea was scoffable. No, there would never be love between them. Or even friendship, though once a long time ago that could have been possible. Now it was completely unattainable. But that suited Traelyn just fine, because she didn't expect anything more from him either. What he could give her now...it was enough.

**But for how long, Trae?** Kicking that dangerous thought away, she sidled closer, near enough to him now that she could feel his body heat. He didn't have company. She knew that now. "Well?"

"Do you want a drink?" B'ram knew he could certainly use one.

"Sure."

The brownrider moved out of the way of the door. "Have a seat." Closing the door behind her, he ran through the mental list of alcholoic beverages he had on hand. It was running disturbingly low, especially the lighter stuff. "I have a bottle of rum somewhere."

"That's pretty strong stuff," she murmured, eyeing him as she eased back against the pillows. Maybe drinking the stronger kind of ale would be good tonight--for both of them.

"Well, it helps sometimes." He handed her a glass and sat down beside her, bottle readily at hand just in case.

A bitter, knowing sort of smile touched her lips before she hid it behind her drink. "Yeah." And they both certainly knew from their own, past experiences. Traelyn wondered if it was how this was going to be now. Did he _need_ to drink the heavy stuff when she came?

"So..." He searched his brain trying to come up with some kind of conversation. "How's the new Turn?"

Damn. This was so sharding awkward. It'd been so much easier when they had been at each others' throats, tearing each others' clothes off, throwing in insults along the way as they stumbled into bed.... Strange, that. Traelyn swallowed a rather large mouthful of the rum, trying not to cough as it burned down her throat. She wished it would burn her thoughts away just as easily. She really wasn't a good person. "It's....going well." What else was she supposed to say to that? "And yours?"

"Not bad. It's starting to get a bit warmer." Shards, he sounded like an idiot trying to make small talk. It was so much easier when they just...
got it over with...

"What, the weather? Or the feeling in this room?" The instant the coy words were out of her mouth, she regretted them. Scorching _shards_...why was she flirting? She stared down into her glass, watching the amber liquid swirl around the bottom, feeling like she had crossed a line they weren't ever supposed to cross. With any other man, that coy approach would have worked. It would have eased any kind of building tension, and possibly create another, more pleasant kind between them. But this was sharding _B'ram_....it didn't ease the tension. It magnified it.

"Shards, Traelyn..." The brownrider looked down into his own glass, shaking his head at the thought of what they had come to. He could live with lying in the bedroom. Shards, he even liked the idea of lying in the bedroom. There he could almost pretend that their relationship was just what comes naturally between a man and a woman. But hearing that lie spoken aloud, it was just a reminder of how low they had both sunk.

She didn't even bother hiding her wince. "I know. But.... Damn it, B'ram," she whispered, dark eyes flickering to his.

He set his glass off to the side and plucked hers from her fingers. What they did was twisted and wrong on several levels, but he didn't need her or anyone to try to cover it with sugar to make it more palatable. They both had made their choice, right or wrong. Only one thing would make them both feel good about that. About that and all the other aching holes in their souls. Wrapping strong fingers around the back of her neck he pulled her close and kissed her softly.

She returned the kiss, lips caressing his, lingering. This was new territory for them, and she was unsure of how to act. Turn's End had been different. Traelyn hadn't thought--she had just acted on her instincts. But now she _was_ thinking, but even her uncertainty was starting to grow hazy as their kiss grew bolder, as her hands snuck up his shirt to touch bare skin, as his hands wandered a similar path down her spine. Traelyn shifted closer, wanting to feel his body against hers.

He leaned back against the arm of the sofa, gently pulling her down with him. She hadn't come to talk, and he hadn't invited her in to convince her. The seduction was done with eyes, with fingers, with longings too deep for either one of them to understand. Words should be left for lovers, but not for them.

Last updated on the January 2nd 2007

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New And Unexpected