Selfish Anxiety

Writers: Dana, Emma
Date Posted: 9th July 2006

Characters: Demalia, Nialyn
Description: Demalia and Nialyn force themselves to have a polite conversation, and Nia thinks about how she feels about Biri Impressing
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 12, day 17 of Turn 3

"It's Nialyn, isn't it." Demalia had only met the girl who was carrying Birigundi's child once. It had been so hard to watch Biri looking so happy, and her with the child on the way. But it wasn't fair to Biri to hate her, or even avoid her. Besides, they had been friends for ages now, and there was no way she was going to lose him for this.

"It is." The older girl looked up, trying to keep her heart from sinking.
"Demalia?"

"That's right," replied the greenrider. "Mind if I join you for a cup of Klah?"

"I don't mind at all." Forcing a polite smile, she gestured to the seat across from her. "How are you today?" Nialyn was determined to make an effort--for Biri.

"Pretty good," she grinned. "Even the weyrlings were cheerful today."

"Oh really? Is there a particular reason?" Nialyn took a sip of her water. "Or is it just a good day?"

"They're seniors now, not long left," Demalia said as she slipped into the seat. The greenrider grabbed a mug and poured herself some klah, while watching Nialyn. She was determined to at least try to get on with her, for Biri.

"How long do they stay seniors, usually? Before they get to be in the Wings?" Despite living here at the Weyr for a couple Turns, Nialyn still didn't know as much as she probably should about dragonriders...

"A couple of months, but they won't all go straight to the fighting wings.
Some of them are too young for that."

"Are you still too young?"

"I'm just waiting for a slot to open up, but while there is no permanent Weyrlingmaster," Demalia shrugged. For some reason the Weyrlingmaster was not so involved with them any more, and showed little interest. And she suspected that was part of the reason she stayed where she was.

"I don't know how you do it... I know Biri really wants to Impress a dragon, but to actually be out there and _see_ Thread..." Nialyn gave an involuntary shudder. "And come in contact with it... Shards. It's just to damn frightening."

"I wish I could say you'd get used to it, but that means complacency which costs lives."

Nialyn glanced at the girl. She really was grown up for her age, wasn't she? Was that what attracted Biri to her? And she wondered, suddenly, if Biri really knew what he was doing by Standing for Hatchings. Did he really _understand_ what was waiting for him if he did Impress? Or was he too caught up in the other things that must come with Impression? She frowned slightly. "Do you know how many Hatchings Biri has stood at?"

"I think his first was when I impressed," Demalia paused to count a moment. "It's quite a few now, it means his dragon just hasn't hatched yet."

**If it ever will...** And she was ashamed to admit it, but a part of her hoped that he never would Impress. Then he wouldn't have to leave her even more often than he did now....and he would be sure to be here more often when the baby finally came, and put time into helping her instead of caring for a dragon....and he wouldn't be risking his very life the moment he sat astride the brown or bronze neck. It was selfish, she knew. But Nialyn couldn't help how she felt. "Oh... How old do you have to be to stop Standing?"

"Twenty one or twenty two turns," was the reply.

Just a few more Turns then... Biri was ninteen. But shards--that seemed like a long amount of time, didn't it? Two or three more Turns? A lot could happen in those months... How many more clutches would be laid by the queens? So many chances for him to Stand and Impress... A little knot of anxiety that hadn't been there before now found its way within her, and she looked down, taking another sip of her drink. "I hope it will work out." But in the way that _she_ hoped it would...

Last updated on the July 9th 2006

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Selfish Anxiety