Downward Spiral

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 5th July 2006

Characters: Traelyn, U'waki
Description: After U'kaiah leaves, Traelyn remembers an instance from her girlhood where the not-so-pretty side of her character began to peek through
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 12, day 22 of Turn 3
Notes: Follows "Company (3/3)"

Kalamath's cry of farewell to the watchdragon--as soft as it was--still seemed to echo off the cliffs and stone walls of the Weyr as Traelyn slowly crept back into bed. It pierced the silence of the night, fading as he winked /between/ with a weary U'kaiah on his neck.

She'd seen just how much it had taken out of him to stay with her for so long, helping her ease the grief of memories that had been spurred to the forefront of her thoughts through N'vanik's actions and the sharding words he'd thrown at her. That had been the last stab she could take to her already-frayed nerves and will, and she had collapsed into U'kaiah's waiting arms. She'd laped up the comfort he had offered her like a canine starving of thirst.

Traelyn burrowed beneath the soft furs, fingers clenching on the corner of her pillow. It had been easier to push everything away when U'kaiah had been laying next to her, his touches tender, his murmurs soothing. It had been so scorching easy to just...let it all go. She turned on her side and stared at the spot where he'd lain. But now that he was gone and she was alone here, the memories of her girlhood were creeping up on her again, threatening to take over and run away with her.

Her jaw tightened as she rolled over. The sheets he'd used were still warm, and smelled like sweetsand. She buried her cheek down into his pillow as she remembered the first time she had betrayed L'kub. The first time she had deliberately wanted to hurt him like he had hurt her. She'd been so angry with him that night and had felt so hurt...

~*~*~

Traelyn's hand was shaking as she knocked on his door, trying to make it sound sure and confident, not soft and hesitant. She wasn't quite sure that it worked. Swallowing past the lump in her throat that sharding wouldn't go away, she folded her arms over her chest, needing to feel warmth. Needing to stop herself from trembling.

She ground her teeth against the tears that threatened as the conflicting emotions sprang into her thoughts. The hurt. The sense of betrayal. The anger. The guilt. Oh yes, there was guilt on her side as well. But she would never tell...and she would _not_ think about that now!

She would not.

**I shouldn't be here...** she thought, staring at the bronzerider's door.
He was much older than her--by a decade at least! But he was charming, handsome and quite experienced according to what others had said about him. His own bronze had caught a few of the junior golds, and no doubt would fling himself to the skies to chase after Nyith when the time came as well.

And he was one of the first, save L'kub, who had noticed her as the woman she was becoming, not just as the girl who had Impressed the queen. He'd always been particularly persistant with her, but she'd always turned him away. She hadn't wanted anyone else except L'kub. Her jaw tightened even more at that thought. And, apparently, the bluerider hadn't shared that certain frame of mind. Just the thought of him screwing another man in the bed she'd shared with him made her skin crawl.

Yes. She _should_ be here.

She needed to be here.

U'waki opened the door and gave the goldrider a slow and slightly surprised smile. "I knew one day I would open my door to find you there, Trae. How can I help you?"

She flushed, her dark eyes flickering to his. How did one scorching _ask_
this? How could she... Traelyn took in a deep breath before letting it out slowly, silently. "I... I need something tonight, U'waki," she murmured, her voice shaking slightly. She quickly cleared her throat.

His eyebrows raised slightly, but his smiled didn't faulter. "Well, if it's what I'm hoping you need, then you can have it. Shards, I've invited you enough times." He stepped back. "Won't you come in?"

A part of her hesitated. **Should I really be here?** Then, the lustful green's shriek echoed in her mind, and that decided her. Shoving those thoughts away, she carefully stepped into the room, feeling young and out of place as she looked around. "I hope I didn't interrupt you in anything...important..." she managed to say, glancing at his rumpled couch.

"No no," he smiled. "I was just lounging. Why don't you have a seat on the couch and I'll get us a little something to drink."

She slowly sank down to the cushions, still feeling uneasy despite everything. It wasn't very often that she drank hard liquor, but tonight... Things might be easier if she was inhibited. Traelyn crossed one leg over the other, arranging her skirts - and her mind conjured the image of U'waki sliding his hands up her legs, caressing, teasing, arousing... She shivered.

The bronzerider sat on the cushion beside her, handing her a glass half full of amber liquid. "Cheers," he said as he clinked his glass to hers, slipping an arm around the back of the sofa behind her.

Traelyn took a sip, very aware of his eyes on her. Whatever he saw must've pleased him, for he didn't look away. The silence stretched between them. It wasn't awkward--not exactly. And it wasn't strained. But it wasn't comfortable either. As she took another sip, she wondered bitterly if L'kub had felt like this before he went for a hot roll between the sheets with those others. **Probably not,** she thought angrily. It was different for men. She knew that. She wanted it to be just as easy for her as it had been for him.

Taking a deep breath, she turned her head to meet his eyes squarely. "Why do you want me?" Her blunt question was spoken a bit harshly, but she was searching for something. She needed him to say something with not only his body, but with his words.

He shrugged. "At first? Because you were new and beautiful." His hand slipped off the couch and into her hair. "And then because you refused me. I like all women, but I especially like the ones who have spirit and a backbone. I can see it in you that you do. That's why I want you." U'waki smiled cockily. "And why do you want me now?"

She gazed up at him, not even knowing how to answer. But she knew. Oh yes, she knew. Instead of replying with words, she blindly reached out, setting her glass down on the table before leaning in close to kiss him on the mouth. She wanted him to teach her, wanted him to make her forget about how L'kub would make love to her. She didn't want loving. Not tonight.

U'waki was more than happy to supply her needs. He was never good at the 'loving' part anyway. Leaning back he set the glass down on the table and slipped his arm under her knees. He stood with her in his arms and as his lips explored the base of her neck he carried her to his bedroom.

~*~*~

He sat propped up against the wall, his hands still tangled in her hair as she rested her cheek against his abdomen. They were both still breathing heavily, but Traelyn's cheeks burned with shame amidst the pleasure. She'd never done that with L'kub. Had never wanted to. But now... Her jaw tightened and she kicked those nagging thoughts of him away. Not tonight.
Tonight, she was U'waki's.

"That was definitely good." The bronzerider sighed with smug satisfaction. "What are you thinking, goldrider?" U'waki asked as he brought his arm back lazily to cushion his head.

Her lips twisted into a feral smile as she lifted her face to his. "Does it work the same way for a woman?"

His eyebrows lifted as a slow smile crossed his face. "Does _what_ work for a woman, sweetheart?"

She flushed. Well, _two_ could play at this game. Her hands slid up his legs, fingernails scraping just barely along the insides. "You know perfectly well _what_."

"You trying to get a rise out of me?" he asked with a teasing grin. "Well, I can tell you right now, I'm too relaxed at the moment. But you just lay back, sweetheart, and I will show you all the things you've been missing."

~*~*~

And she had...she remembered that all too clearly.

Traelyn passed a hand over her eyes. That night spent in U'waki's arms had been the night when she'd realized that a part of her had _liked_
hurting L'kub by sleeping with another. And later on throughout the months, when approached by other persistant men, Traelyn hadn't been able to say "no"--but by then, it all hadn't been meant to hurt L'kub. Discovering the pleasures of another man's bed had been a new and exciting thing for her--a powerful addiction--and she just couldn't find it within her to resist it.

And even though she had known that her growing reputation--spurred on from that first night in U'waki's bed--hurt L'kub deeply and had begun the downward spiraling of their relationship, Traelyn had never been able to turn back.

Last updated on the July 5th 2006

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Downward Spiral