Company (3/3)

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 5th July 2006

Characters: Traelyn, U'kaiah
Description: Trae's secretiveness is hard for U'kaiah to take...
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 12, day 21 of Turn 3

U'kaiah leaned back against the side of the bathing pool with a sigh.
Shards, but he missed his nice big bath! It was always a comfortable place to retreat to when he needed to relax, or to think. The bronzerider was undeniably... unsettled. Not knowing why, he had responded to the distressed calls of Nyith, Trae's gold, begging him to come to be with her rider because he was 'the right one'. He still wasn't sure what that meant, but he did know that he had never seen Trae so upset.

Even as he ducked his head under the water, in the stillness and the warmth he could hear her wrenching sobs and feel the cold tears soak through his tunic. What could have grieved her so? Perhaps it was because he had suffered his own loss not long before, but he could feel it too - that overwhelming sorrow. He felt it for _her_.

Though he didn't know the reason, as he held Trae in his arms he realized for the first time just how small her body was. Small, delicate, fragile... He had never thought of Trae as 'fragile' before, but that was how she had seemed to him. Something precious and dear that he wished he could hide in his arms and protect from whatever was hurting her. But how could he battle something when he didn't even know what it was he was supposed to be fighting. He had felt so helpless just holding her as she shook with sob after sob. Even after she drifted off to sleep, she still shuddered, emotionally and physically drained. And now, that was how he felt. Drained.

He tried to just relax as let the warm water soak into his tired body, but his thoughts wouldn't let him. Trae was still asleep, he was sure, but he strained to hear every sound just in case she would wake. Finally he gave up trying. He pulled himself out of the bath, wiped down with a towel and pulled his trousers back on. Picking up his shirt, he debated slipping it back on, but now the shoulder was one large uncomfortable wet patch.
Draping it over a chair to dry along with the towel, he quietly stole back into the sleeping area.

Trae seemed to be resting peacefully now. Hair so light it was almost white covered her face, but he could hear the deep rhythmic breathing. She hadn't moved from the spot he had left her in. Her arm was still draped over the spot he had occupied, almost as if she were still reaching out for the comforting body that had been next to her. U'kaiah thought it best to not try to wake her, and so he moved around to the other side of the rather large weyrwoman-sized bed and slipped in beside her, letting out a long drawn out sigh as he settled back against the pillows to wait... and wonder...

Traelyn didn't know what woke her--whether it had been the sudden awareness that the place beside her was suddenly empty, or something else entirely--but she shifted slightly, her eyes slitting open just enough to see that he was gone. She blinked, the fine strands of her hair catching on her lashes, and her hand slowly closed on the soft sheets, the sense of abandonment growing--the fear of being left alone.

}:No, Traelyn my love,:{ Nyith whispered, her tone soothing, loving, cocooning her, gently lifting her up. }:No. He is still here, for Kalamath is still here.:{ Then she heard it, a rustle of sheets behind her. Slowly, she raised her head, trying to ignore the painful ache in her temples, in her sides, and turned to look at him.

He was propped up against the silken pillows, arms loosely folded across his bare chest, his head bowed forward, eyes closed. His breathing was soft, easy...he was asleep.

Traelyn shifted closer as the painful memories of last night came back to her--most of them blurred by the amount of hard liquor she'd consumed after R'hoos had left. But there was one that stood out amidst the aching haze--one of gentle comfort.

Comfort that he'd given to her.

She reached out then, gently brushing her fingers against his.

"Huh?" he grunted ineloquently. The light touch was enough to startle him awake as he sat straight up, his eyes flying open. He quickly realized the source of the disturbance. "Oh, hello there," he said with a sleepy smile as he looked down into Trae's deep grey eyes. "I'm sorry, love, I guess I dozed off." The bronzerider turned on his side to face her and settled back down on the soft pillows to be more on her eye-level. He gently tucked a few wayward strands back behind her ear. "How are you feeling now?"

At his touch she looked down, a nagging part of her suddenly feeling unsure, for he'd seen her now... He'd seen her at her most vulnerable. She'd never cried like that in front of anyone...save Nyith. But even then...none of those times had been like that--an absolute out-pouring of everything that had been building within her for sevendays, months...even Turns. It'd been uncontrollable.

}:You could not have gone through it alone, Trae,:{ the queen told her softly. }:Not this time. I called him. He was the right one to be here for you.:{ If there had been any tears left in her, they would have stung her eyes at the intensity of the adoration and love in Nyith's tone for her.

The light of concern filled his eyes as he looked at her and the silence stretched between them. He gently tilted her head to look at him. "Come on now, Trae. _Talk_ to me. Tell me what is happening here."

She tried to search for the strength within her to hide behind her familiar, safe, mask of reserve...but as she gazed wearily up into his dark eyes, she just couldn't do it. She couldn't hide from him like she could from others now. He'd seen too much. And to talk about it...to whisper aloud everything that had been happening here, at Far Island... No. Slowly Traelyn shook her head.

U'kaiah could feel the prick of frustration as he saw the wall of silence building between them. "Why, Trae? What... what is so hard about talking to me about it? I already _know_ something is going on! Can't you just tell me? Are you afraid I would tell someone? Are you afraid I would think less of you?"

He might as well have yelled at her the way his questions made her wince.
She'd lain in his arms for so long, and to be pulling so abruptly away from him _now_... But she couldn't tell him. The only way to keep things in the past was to leave them there. She couldn't tell him. **I'm not the woman you think I am.** The expression on her face was quietly desperate when she glanced hesitantly up into his eyes. "I...can't, U'kaiah."

"But _why_?" Shards, but it was so _exhasperating_! All he wanted to do was help her! If she would just open up to him, maybe he could do more than just hold her from time to time! He rolled over on his back and closed his eyes, trying not to let the frustration boil into full blown anger. Breathing deeply trying to calm himself, he fought down the sudden feeling of rejection. **What, am I only the 'right' person in the moment and when the moment's past I'm suddenly wrong again?**

The way he turned from her pierced at the dull ache inside of her, twisting it, making it almost painful. But she couldn't tell him. She didn't even want to imagine what his eyes would look like if she actually did. The very thought made her shiver. "Please, love..." Her hand went to his, fingers sliding around to hold his wrist, trying to grasp on to the moment they had shared candlemarks before--even though at the same time, her actions were driving them apart. "Please, don't..."

He could hear the quivering in her voice, the uncertainty in her touch.
Though he still could feel the sting, he turned his head to look at her. The fear and the deep hurt in her eyes melted away any hint of anger. He certainly should not be the one adding to her pain. Leaning over he kissed her forehead softly. "I just want to help you, Trae. That's all.
I just want to... To do more..." He closed his eyes once again as he rested his forehead against hers, wishing he didn't feel so helpless. But it was her choice. He couldn't force her to open up to him. U'kaiah had tried that once before, and had only succeeded in pushing a woman he loved away. He couldn't push Trae away too. She meant too much to him.

Gently she brushed her brow against his, carefully shifting closer. "It's enough," she finally whispered, "for you to be here, U'kaiah."

If only it felt like enough, he thought as he pulled her arm across him and lay his hand on the side that leaned against him. "Will you ever tell me, Trae?"

Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, she tried to shove the memories of all the things she'd done now, and in the past, lurking just beneath the surface further down. Down far so--at least for now--she wouldn't have to think about them...or acknowledge them further. She was about to reply when suddenly Nyith's loving advice filled her thoughts. Then, she changed her answer. "...I don't know."

It was a far from comforting answer, but it was all he was going to get.
He turned over on his side and stretched his arm out under her head, pulling her tighter to him. "Then just promise me you'll always let me hold you." At least that much, he knew he could do.

With her eyes stinging anew, Traelyn rubbed her cheek against him, nodding slowly, silently. **Yes.**

He kissed her forehead once more and began absently running his fingers through her hair. Maybe that would be enough... **No,** he corrected himself with a long sigh, **it's not enough. Just... enough for now...**

Last updated on the July 5th 2006

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Company (3/3)