You Are Not Alone

Writers: Devin, Halyonix
Date Posted: 8th October 2025
Series: Bronze and Blue Entwined

Characters: K'mai, I'serin, N'vanik, Z'kim
Description: N'vanik and Z'kim's kiss sends I'serin into a crisis, then inspires courage.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 10, day 15 of Turn 12
Notes: Overlaps with "No More Rules" and "Leave Something to Their Imaginations"

K'mai

I'serin

N'vanik

Z'kim

K'mai was chatting with I'serin when he sensed a shift in the crowd, murmurs rising over the music. Looking around, he saw N'vanik and Z'kim in the middle of the dance floor, the Weyrleader running a hand along the greenrider's body. "Ooh, they're at it again!" K'mai said with delight.

I'serin followed K'mai's eyes to N'vanik and his greenrider...well, the term 'friend' definitely did not apply in any way. There was an instinctive punch of panic, the inclination to hide at the sight, especially with K'mai so close, but I'serin carefully locked it away...mostly. His voice was still wavering as he said, "He...seems intent on starting some more rumors."

"They have absolutely no shame. I love it." K'mai smiled as he watched them. "They were almost boring at Barrier Lake, I was worried he might have regretted that sexy dance." Then a little chill went through him as he thought about his conversation with Z'kim at the Feast and how the greenrider had gotten way too close to the truth.

The bronzerider waited until someone nearby had moved out of earshot before he said, "I...do not think I will ever be comfortable dancing like _that_," he said, his chin indicating the style rather than the participants, "though...I..." A pause, a gathering of courage. "I do want to dance with you one day."

That was, perhaps, the only thing that could have taken K'mai's eyes off the couple. "In public?" he asked, the thought of it making his heart race.

I'serin swallowed nervously but nodded, his eyes still on the couple. "Eventually." He had a moment in mind, the beginnings of a dream. How he would ask, how he would bow, how he would walk K'mai to the dancefloor, how...

Was this what it was like to be happy?

The bronzerider's expression was a mix of nervousness and wonder, and K'mai watched him for a moment before turning back to the dancers. N'vanik had both hands on the greenrider's ass, his eyes dark and a little smile on his face. "A slow, sweet dance," K'mai said.

I'serin hummed. "Yes," he said quietly. His head turned just slightly enough to look at K'mai.

K'mai saw it out of the corner of his eye and turned to meet I'serin's gaze, but only for a few seconds. He was worried his soft expression would give him away, so he focused on N'vanik and Z'kim as he said, "I would love that." K'mai could almost see it, swaying in I'serin's arms while soft music played.

His nerves still rattled instinctively but I'serin hummed again as his gaze returned to the couple. "So would I." He inhaled softly to quell his anxiety and grabbed a hold of the dream forming. The hope it brought. It was okay to be happy, to live by his definition of happiness, he told himself. Dancing with K'mai fit that definition. Perhaps, in private first, as practice. Then...

Letting that dream simmer, I'serin said, "I am certain that N'vanik will have a grand time fielding rumors again. He seemed to perversely enjoy it the last time."

"I still can't believe the way he flirted with Z'kim in front of you." It was a good thing K'mai hadn't been drinking when N'vanik talked about spanking the greenrider because he would have choked on his wine. Watching them now, giving each other heated looks as their bodies moved against each other, he couldn't help wondering what they were like in bed together. Shards, it must be scorching hot.

N'vanik dipped Z'kim and paused, a crackling tension between them. Then the Weyrleader bent down and kissed the greenrider full on the mouth. There was _tongue_. K'mai gasped and turned to I'serin with wide eyes.

The bronzerider could not look away from N'vanik in that moment. There was no mistaking what that sort of kiss meant. It was a paradigm shift in I'serin's mind, that moment when one reconstructs one's impressions and notions about another person into something that cannot be shifted back. There was a feeling of not being alone, of someone else understanding what it was like to ride bronze and be attracted to men. There was a feeling of panic, the old instinctual reaction to seeing this. And then, there was a feeling of...envy? Jealousy? I'serin could not differentiate which but it was there. He wished that he had N'vanik's courage.

"It seems that you were correct," I'serin eventually said quietly.

"I told you so!" K'mai said with triumphant glee as N'vanik went for _another_ kiss as if he couldn't help himself. Or maybe the bronzerider wanted to make sure it was clear.

I'serin swallowed with rising emotions. It did not look like a joke, a ploy. Not like the first time he had watched them together. The air felt charged and stifling to him as more people turned to witness the event. "You did indeed," I'serin agreed weakly. He did not feel as though he was panicking but he also did not feel like he could breathe. "I...need some air," he said to K'mai as he ducked towards the nearest door.

}: What is wrong? :{ Aluneth inquired with concern. I'serin could feel his dragon in motion, coming to him.

**I do not...know.** It felt...cataclysmic. Layered. Turns of thinking that he was the _only_ bronzerider who preferred men, that he was a mistake, only to discover, in rapid succession, that there were others, including his mentor-friend N'vanik. Once outside, I'serin inhaled deeply, trying to organize his racing thoughts. Aluneth landed nearby, eyes whirling.

K'mai hurried after him. "Are you okay?"

He did not _feel_ okay but I'serin nodded all the same. "I..." he started to say but then his eyes darted wildly about, gauging how many people were nearby. How many people would see him...them...

Rumbling, Aluneth shuffled forward enough to create a living bronze barrier, hiding the two riders.

I'serin gave his hair an exasperated tug as he tried to compose himself enough to articulate just _what_ was the matter. "I...have spent my life believing that I...was the only one. The mistake. The pariah. Something to be hidden. I...constructed so much of myself around _hiding_. To see someone else. Someone of my rank. Someone...that I confide in. It...is...tumultuous?" His tone sounded as though he was searching for the right word to describe what he was feeling. Little did he realize that his body language had shifted to a guarded one, like he was hugging his exposed inner self. "It is like...seeing myself in someone else."

K'mai wanted to hug him but settled for squeezing his shoulder in case Aluneth shielding them wasn't enough to make the bronzerider feel safe. "I'm sure it must be a lot to take in. I thought you might feel . . . a little relieved?"

Did he feel relieved? No, it was not quite that. He felt somewhat vulnerable but also...seen? Validated? Why was this emotion, or mix of them, so hard to parcel out? His beloved words were failing him yet again. "It...is eye-opening," he said quietly, teasing apart the mental tangles. "Epiphanous."

K'mai frowned and tilted his head at the unfamiliar word. "Oh, is that like an epiphany?"

The bronzerider slowly nodded. "I...am not alone. Or a mistake."

"You're _not_ a mistake," K'mai said, squeezing his shoulder. Then he added gently, "Maybe you should talk to N'vanik?"

That did actually sound like a good idea, even if I'serin was not sure how he would broach such a delicate subject. Well, delicate for him. It was apparently not delicate at all to N'vanik. He nodded to show K'mai that he had heard and agreed. He exhaled slowly, grounding and letting the feelings settled back to normal background levels. "I apologize," he said meekly. "I...did not expect to have that reaction."

K'mai couldn't resist anymore. He reached up and caressed I'serin's cheek. "Don't apologize for your feelings."

Courageously, the bronzerider did not flinch at K'mai's touch in public. In fact, he quickly kissed K'mai's palm as it drifted close to his mouth. "What would I do without you," he said in that tone he saved only for the bluerider. He took another steadying breath. He felt shaky but better.

"Spend all your time in your office not eating," K'mai teased, his heart warming at the kiss. "We should go back in." Then he frowned thoughtfully. "Maybe say something to N'vanik? He looked like he couldn't give a wherry's ass what people think, but he might not be as confident as he looks. A fellow Weyrleader's support might be nice."

I'serin nodded slowly. If nothing else, he knew that he could rally enough of his polite armor to let his friend know that he was not being judged by at least one person in that room. "Come with me," he said as he pulled inwardly to face the crowd again.

K'mai desperately wanted to hold him, but that could wait for later. He followed I'serin back inside and they went looking for N'vanik. He wasn't hard to find.

The Dolphin Cove Weyrleader stood with a holder couple, his face dark with anger. "Improper? Would you say that if it was my weyrmate instead?"

Z'kim tugged at his arm. "Come on, Nik. They're not worth your time." As sexy as it was to have N'vanik be all growly and defend him, Z'kim didn't want him ruining holder relations.

"Fine." N'vanik let Z'kim pull him away. He knew there would be consequences, he'd even heard the same comments last time. It just . . . felt different now that the truth was out.

"Did we come to give our regards at an inconvenient time?" I'serin interjected with a politeness that surprised even him. He felt his heart start to hammer but at the same time, he felt...certain? Relieved? Eventually, he would label each of these feelings from the day.

"Long as you're not here to judge me." N'vanik was tense, ready for a fight. I'serin was a friend, but he was also far more proper.

K'mai looked at I'serin, letting him take the lead, but ready to step in.

I'serin felt a familiar weakness in his joints as he said, "I...would never. Not for this." He took a big, grounding breath. He was suddenly terrified. He knew it would be so easy to slide back into old, instinctive habits. How easy it would be to offer meaningless support while still hiding the truth. How he would hate himself later for allowing someone else to still define what his happiness looked like.

}: Courage, I'serin, :{ Aluneth whispered.

Which was the furthest thing from what I'serin felt as he reached for K'mai's hand, lifting it to his mouth for a fluttering kiss, as he said, "For you are not alone."

K'mai was so stunned he could only stare. I'serin had just. . . admitted it. To N'vanik! No, it wasn't just an admission, I'serin had _claimed_ him with that brief, chaste, monumental kiss. He looked at I'serin with adoration and gratitude, his heart full to bursting.

N'vanik stared too, shock washing over him. I'serin was . . . and with _K'mai_?!? Then a smile spread across his face and he laughed. "Shards and shells, man." Suddenly a lot of things fell into place.

Oh this was _delicious_. Z'kim's eyes lit with excitement, but as soon as he opened his mouth, K'mai shot him a look.

"_Please_ don't say anything." K'mai had a strange urge to step in front of I'serin, as if shielding him from a blow. "This stays between us, until I'serin is ready."

"All right." Z'kim was still looking at them with keen interest. Well, well. He'd gotten his bronzerider afterall.

"Yeah." N'vanik turned his attention back to I'serin, feeling like the world had tilted off its axis. "We'll talk later." He had a million questions, and he was kicking himself a little because they could've been talking about this months ago.

"Later," I'serin agreed in a choked voice. Had...had he really just done that? He looked down and noticed that he was still holding K'mai's hand. He gave it a squeeze before releasing it, eternally grateful that K'mai had told the other two to hold any wagging tongues. He would most assuredly panic about all of this later. "This...has been quite the monumental Hatching," he remarked, seeking some sort of ground to cling to mentally.

"That's for sharding sure." N'vanik laughed. Then he reached over and patted I'serin's shoulder. "Hey, thanks for tellin' me." I'serin was a far more reserved man, and N'vanik could guess that this wasn't easy for him. How long had he and K'mai . . . Well, he'd ask later, when they weren't in the middle of a Hatching Feast.

"We'll talk later, too," Z'kim told K'mai, eyes glittering eagerly.

As long as they did it _privately_ . . . "Absolutely," K'mai agreed.

Last updated on the October 28th 2025

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You Are Not Alone