A Hard Choice

Writers: Cali, Roxanne
Date Posted: 31st May 2006

Characters: Arilanna, D'wrayt
Description: Arilanna goes to talk to D'wrayt about helping her abort.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 11, day 22 of Turn 3
Notes: Follows 'The Rock' same time as 'The Rock Crumbles'

Wringing her hands together, Arilanna stood at D'wrayt's door. She hadn't knocked yet, and was trying to gather her thoughts. After what had happened with J'klin, she was having a hard time holding it together. She knew she was running out of options, and she knew she needed to take care of the pregnancy before it was too late. She wasn't second guessing her decision, but she didn't know how D'wrayt would feel about it. If he refused her request, she didn't know who she would ask. Tentatively, she knocked on the door.

D'wrayt opened the door at the knock with a smile that quickly faded when he saw such a worried expression on Arilanna's face. He ushered her in with an arm about her shoulder as he asked, "What's wrong?"

"Wrong?" she tried to act nonchalant, "Nothing is wrong." "Arilanna! I know you better than that, there's something wrong." he said gently.

She sighed and leaned into him taking strength from his warmth. She wanted to tell him about J'klin, about how her life was falling apart, but all she said was "I just have a little problem I need help with, that's all.

"Tell me what it is and if I can't help you then I can find someone who can."

Pushing herself apart from him, she looked up at him and said bluntly "I found out yesterday that I was pregnant, and I'd like your help in getting rid of it."

The request had the Weyrleader quiet for several moments as he thought of exactly what to say. He understood why some women felt the need to not have children, but that possibility that someone would request his help had never occurred to him. He wondered if it was his child. Would she keep the baby if he asked her to? Taking a deep breath and then letting it out he asked, "Do you know who the father is?"

"It's yours. That's why I'm asking for your help." She didn't bother telling him he was not her first choice in the matter. "If I was the mothering type, I'd keep it. But I've learned from my daughter that I'm just not good at it. I focus too much on work, and I have even less time now than before being a senior journeywoman."

"I know how you feel as I've three daughters of my own. Their mother saw them more often than I did, but I don't regret helping to bring them into this world for one moment. I often think of the child that was lost when Eknaryi died from the plague. I'll never know if I had a son or a daughter." he paused and looked at her for a long moment before continuing, "Arilanna, I would never force you to keep the baby if you truly didn't want it, but I would ask that you reconsider your decision." he said his voice tinged with sadness as he remembered the day he lost his weyrmate and their unborn child. He didn't want to lose another child, but he would take her if only so he could make sure she was cared for afterwords.

She had not expected him to be excited about helping, but she certainly had not expected him to be so saddened at the thought of losing the baby. She didn't want to be the cause of more pain and sorrow for D'wrayt, he had been good to her, and he was such a kind man. She knew she didn't want the baby to be abandoned to a foster mother, but if D'wrayt wanted it.... "Would you keep the child? I don't want to raise it, but I don't want it to be passed around foster mothers either." she took a deep breath and expelled it slowly before adding, "I'll keep the baby if you claim it and care for it."

"Yes. My sisters Baylaina and Datara are coming home to Dragonsfall to help me care for my grandchildren and youngest daughter. Rolarxari is too ill to care for them all any longer. They will be more than willing to foster this one too." D'wrayt said without having to think about his answer at all. He would have done anything she had asked in order for her to keep the baby, but this was by far an easy request.

"Are you sure you can speak for them? An infant is alot different than children, especially if they have others to care for." She was so conflicted right now. Would she regret allowing D'wrayt to change her mind? Was it her sorrow at losing J'klin affecting her decision?She wasn't really worried about the pregnancy, she had carried her first child easily, but after... it sounded like he was just going to pass off the baby which is exactly what she didn't want to happen.

"Yes. My sisters love babies and they've been fostermothers for turns. I wouldn't trust just anyone to look after my child while I am unable to be there. The baby will have to be with someone while I am leading drills and fighting Thread as I can't take him or her with me."
he said trying to reassure her as best he could.

"No, I suppose not," she agreed as a weak smile played on her lips.
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound ungrateful, I'm glad you're willing to take the baby, I'm just really confused right now!" She fought back at the tears in her eyes as she tried to explain.

"I understand. Take a few days to think it over and then you can decide." he said gently.

She wasn't confused over her decision, if he wanted the baby then she would keep it. She was confused over her feeling about it. She had been so ready to get rid of the baby, to not have it and be done with the matter. But now, the baby was going to be around. Even if she didn't see it, she would know it was out there, growing up without her; and as much as she knew she wasn't a good mother, she also knew that she would love it and worry about it. The tears finally winning, after everything that had happened in the last few hours, Arilanna just nodded as she buried her face into D'wrayt's chest.

He smoothed her hair as he murmured comforting words to her. He seemed to be comfort for all the women in his life even his own daughters sought him out with their problems. He didn't have a problem with it and even felt happy that they trusted him enough to let their emotions take hold of them without worrying how he would react.

After a long while she finally regained control of her emotions and pull back slightly so she could look at D'wrayt. Wiping her eyes, and hoping her face wasn't too splotchy, she asked with a sardonic smile, "So, do you think we could find something for dinner? I haven't had any yet, and I am eating for two now you know."

"I think so. If not, the kitchen can send something else up. There are perks to being the Weyrleader, you know." he said with a smile.

Last updated on the June 1st 2006

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A Hard Choice