Belonging

Writers: Aaron, Devin
Date Posted: 18th September 2024

Characters: Saedyna, Tirraze
Description: Saedyna asks what's going on with Tirraze.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 10, day 20 of Turn 11
Notes: Content warning for mention of past abuse.
Mentioned: Oriene, Cirina

The female side of the barracks was a sea of different shades of green . . . and one very obvious blue. Avarith felt her rider's attention and turned her gaze that way as well. A moment later, she bounded over to her brother, pouncing on Riamorth.

Riamorth yipped, tucked his wings, and then rolled over, turning down bow with his front end, his back half sticking into the air with tail flailing. He lolled his tongue, eyes swirling blue and green, and bounced from side to side.

Avarith lashed her tail and then pounced again.

Saedyna watched with some concern, but they _were_ supposed to spend time playing with their clutchmates. "Let me know if she gets too rough."

"Hm? Oh. No, not at all," said Tirraze. "He's having the time of his life." Not that his life was terribly remarkable just yet. But then, that meant to him, everything was still new and fun.

"Did you think you'd maybe get blue at all?" Saedyna asked. "I mean, we knew it was at least _possible_ after what happened at Dragonsfall."

"I didn't think I'd get any dragon," said Tirraze. "Blue or otherwise. I mean... I went this long without it, I just thought. If it was going to happen, it would have by now. I thought I'd just go on working for the Headwoman..."

"Oh. I didn't think I was going to Impress either." Not that Saedyna wanted to admit exactly why. "I mean, I _wished_ for it, but I didn't think . . . I was special enough."

"Well. Shows what we know, doesn't it?" Tirraze chuckled. "Looks like Avarith and Riamorth knew better."

The young dragons continued to tumble and wrestle.

"Is it weird having a blue?" Saedyna asked. "I mean, you seem kinda . . . distant."

"Everything has felt distant since..." Tirraze trailed off. "It's like... all of this was supposed to happen to someone else. I'm glad he... I... Well, he just seems too oblivious to notice." She moved her head to indicate Riamorth. She did not want to call him... unintelligent... But there were definitely things he did not pick up on.

"I love him, of course. It just... still doesn't feel real. I keep expecting to wake up."

Saedyna frowned at her for a moment. Most of the Weyrlings had been dazed after Impression, even into the next day, and Saedyna often had that too-good-to-be-true feeling. But this seemed like something else. "You ever have a dream last this long?"

"No..." But for all she really knew, everything she thought she remembered was a dream, too. "I don't know. It's hard to explain. I'm... trying my best to rewire myself. But it's like... I turned on the switch for the lamp and the fan came on."

Saedyna didn't quite understand. "So you don't . . . know how things work anymore?"

"No, it's... It's just..." Tirraze sighed. "I don't know how to explain it. It's like I'm sitting behind my own eyes watching things happen. But that's an improvement, I guess. At first, it was like I was watching from off to the side."

"Ohhh . . ." Saedyna considered that for a moment and realized it sounded a little familiar. "Sometimes when my husband was . . ." She clenched a fist and tried to wall off her emotions. Avarith was enjoying herself and she didn't want to ruin that. "I tried to go away inside my head. Pretend I wasn't there."

Tirraze looked horrified for a moment.

"Oh, shells, I... I'm so sorry. I don't... I don't mean to compare anything I'm feeling with that," she said. "I'm not... I never meant to..."

"No, no, I'm sorry! I'm the one who brought it up!" Saedyna held up her hands.

Avarith stopped playing, eyes whirling with a hint of red. }:Who has upset you?:{

"You don't have anything to apologize for, not one thing." While this was an uncomfortable situation, Tirraze felt strangely comfortable. Like she suddenly felt like she belonged in her skin again. There was something about taking on that... well, for lack of a few minutes to think of a better word, that _motherly_ role of sticking up for and comforting a friend that made her feel like herself again. At least for a minute or two.

"Thank you so much for trusting me enough to tell me about that. I know it must have been such a difficult thing to live through. I'm glad you're here now, with us. This is where you belong."

She had been about to tell her she was safe at the Weyr, but considering what that oaf Ç'pier had done to her, she could hardly promise that. But with Avarith by her side, Tirraze doubted Saedyna would ever be so vulnerable again.

"Thank you." Saedyna took a step toward her, feeling an urge to hug the other woman, but lost her nerve. She realized Tirraze was maybe her first real friend. Her, and Cirina, and Oriene. "I _do_ belong." No matter how she'd gotten here, no one could ever, ever take her away from the Weyr now that she had Avarith.

Avarith crooned, trying to understand the sudden shifts in her rider's emotions. }:Now you are . . . happy?:{

**Yes, everything's okay.**

Tirraze smiled at Saedyna and nodded. She was starting to believe it, and that made Tirraze happy.

"Of course."

Riamorth tilted his head curiously at Avarith and then nudged her with his muzzle.

}:Mine was upset but she's fine now.:{ Avarith pounced on the blue again.

"I hope you feel better soon," Saedyna said. "More yourself or whatever."

"I think... I think I will," said Tirraze. "I'll look back on this and think I was being silly. I wish I could just... skip ahead to that." She smiled and then hugged Saedyna before she even considered whether that was a good idea.

Saedyna had learned quickly that many weyrfolk were physically affectionate. At first it had been unpleasant, but she'd come to realize she yearned for gentle touches from people she knew wouldn't hurt her. There were days a simple hand on her arm still made her flinch internally, but it was getting easier all the time. Saedyna was only a little surprised when Tirraze hugged her and after a moment she squeezed the other woman back. "Let me know if I can help."

"I will. And I'll do the same for you." Tirraze was relieved that Saedyna had returned the hug.

It was strange for Saedyna to have people who cared about her, who she could rely on to be kind to her. Strange and wonderful.

Last updated on the September 23rd 2024

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

Belonging