Right After All (2/2)

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 17th May 2006

Characters: Traelyn, L'kub
Description: Traelyn remembers when everything started to go wrong...
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 11, day 22 of Turn 3
Notes: Part 2/2

L'kub reached out and touched Nyith's golden snout gently. He took a deep breath, trying to clear it before seeing her again. Part of him felt so good leaving the flight room. The _first_ flight Versith had actually won! But another part of him felt sick at the thought of facing Trae. He had to do it though. And he had to tell her. He knew that now. He _had_
to tell her.

The young queen blinked sleepily at him, her opalescent eyes whirling slowly in the darkened weyr. }:She is asleep.:{ His blue passed the message along. **Maybe I should just let her sleep...
It's late, after all. Maybe I should just go back to my weyr...** But if he didn't talk to her now, he would never tell her. And no matter what B'ram said, she _must_ know.

"Trae?" he whispered gently as he sat on the edge of the bed. Strands of blonde hair fell across her face. He gently tucked them back behind her ear. Shards but he loved that girl.

At his touch she stirred, making a soft, sleepy sound. Her eyes fluttered open and she blinked. Then they came to settle on him, confused for just a moment--until she remembered. She was silent as she took in his tousled hair, the faint gleam still in his eyes, the lovemarks on his neck.

Ridiculous to feel this way--it was a _flight_! Nyith would rise too one day, after all. But she couldn't help that slow tightening in her heart.
She couldn't stop it. "You won?"

"Yes, we did," he nodded. L'kub tried not to think about just how wonderful it had felt during the flight. Or how it felt after... She would understand that. She _had_ to understand that. N'rik had been so affectionate. And it had been such a long time...

Traelyn slowly moved, sitting up to lean back against the wall. Her jaw tightened as she tried to shove her sharding, confusing feelings _down_. Down far so she wouldn't have to acknowledge them. Wouldn't have to think about them. "Then why are you here?" Her voice was quiet, a little hoarse, even.

He could hear that she was hurt. But flights were just something they were both going to have to get used to. And they had to accept the fact that he would win flights sometimes, but he would never win one of hers...
"We need to talk about this, Trae."

She looked away, shrugging a shoulder. "Why?"

L'kub took a deep breath. "Trae, there's something I need to tell you, and if I don't tell you now, I don't think I ever could. B'ram says I shouldn't tell you... but... I think you _need_ to know. And Faranth knows it's killed me knowing there were secrets between us."

_That_ got her to look back at him. Her eyes had widened before a wary expression shadowed over them. Doubt clutched at her. "What do you mean?" Her voice was still quiet. So quiet.

She might as well have screamed the words the way they made him wince. "The green's rider, N'rik... I..." He couldn't look at her when he told her. "While you were a weyrling we... spent a little time together."

"You..." Her voice trailed off as the layered meaning behind his words hit her. Hard. Her fingers clutched at the sheet beneath her, her breathing suddenly becoming shallow as a sense of betrayal began to filter into her thoughts. Betrayal.

"Now, Trae, you have to understand... I am a bluerider, and we both know what that means..." Shards but that look in her eye hurt. "I had to...
I had to find a way to understand what that meant for myself. It wasn't that I didn't love you. I do love you. Always loved you..."

"So you _waited_ until the first, sharding moment I was forced to be celibate?" Her voice had risen--it was as if she couldn't hear him. It was as if she couldn't get past what he'd just told her. How _could_ he!
Her eyes flashed with hurt as she turned them on him.

Fear was edging into the blueriders voice. "Trae, it was something that had to be done. You know that. You know that we are supposed to...
explore... I couldn't do that with you near by. I couldn't. I just couldn't. It had to be done, Trae. But I always loved you Trae. Please, you have to believe that," he pleaded.

She couldn't breathe. Tears filled her eyes and she was on her feet in an instant, walking away from him. He would _not_ see her cry. He would not! As she paced, anger began to build in her, the sense of betrayal growing. "You _never_ told me! That night when I graduated - the opportunity was there! I left it open! And you didn't say _anything_. And so I assumed you waited for me--like I sharding waited for you! I _waited_, L'kub! I didn't sharding _want_ anyone else but you!"

She turned towards him, her glassy eyes flashing. "And now, _months_
later, you tell me that you sharding went _exploring_, sharding getting aroused just for the sake of that 'exploration' and then _screwing_ him!"
She couldn't think clearly--she couldn't get control of her loosed temper.
She couldn't get past that irrational sense of hurt and betrayal. "You sharding _lied_ to me."

"I wasn't thinking about them the night of your graduation, Trae! I was thinking of only you!" How could he make her understand? How could he make her see how confused and guilty he felt? "I wanted to tell you before. I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know how. And B'ram thought it was for the best that you didn't know." For once, L'kub wished he hadn't listened to his best friend and had instead listened to his own heart. But B'ram had only tried to help him...

_Them_? So there had been _more_ than sharding _one_? And B'ram.... "So sharding _B'ram_ knows about this! Who _else_ knows, L'kub? Who else did you decide to tell before you decided to tell _me_?" She blinked and the tears fell from her eyes and she turned away, angrily swiping them from her cheeks. He _would not_ see her cry!

"Trae, please, just _listen_ to me." He shouldn't stand seeing the pain in her eyes, but her turning away was almost worse. L'kub stood and tried to put his arms around her middle. "Please Trae, I didn't want to hurt you."

Her body stiffened against his and her voice went deathly quiet. "Did you think about that when you fell into bed to screw those greenriders?"

His arms tightened around her. He buried his face into her shoulder. "Please Trae, it wasn't like that." B'ram was right. He should never have told her. "I didn't _want_ anyone but you. But I had to do it. I had to do it for Versith."

Tears trailed down her cheeks as a long silence, thick and heavy, fell between them. "Get off."

"No, Trae, listen to me," he pleaded, not moving his arms a bit. "They didn't mean anything to me. I didn't care for them. I have only ever cared for you."

**Don't _lie_ to me!** Of course he cared for them! Of course he did. "I said get _off_ me, L'kub."

He released her, but he didn't move away from her. L'kub had only wanted to clear away the secrets. He knew she would be hurt. But she wasn't even _trying_ to understand how it was for him. "I love you, Trae. And I know you love me. Why are you doing this?" he finally asked, his voice strained with guilt and regret.

She wouldn't look at him. She couldn't look at him. Finally, she whispered, "I need...time." Her arms were folded tight across her chest.
"And...and I think you should leave."

He wanted to hold her, to apologize. Shards, he wanted to take back ever telling her anything. B'ram had been right after all. He turned and walked back to the ledge and his waiting blue, guilt, regret and fear gripping his heart.

Last updated on the May 17th 2006

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Right After All (2/2)