Shadowland

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 15th May 2006

Characters: B'ram, Traelyn
Description: B'ram makes one final attempt at escape
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 11, day 22 of Turn 3
Notes: Follows "Damnation"

B'ram

B'ram's eyes slowly drifted open, the faint light illuminating an unfamiliar ceiling. For the briefest moment he wondered just where in Faranth's name was he? Why did he feel so warm, relaxed? He could feel the gentle, delicious weight of a woman curled around him, her arm reaching across him, her leg tucked between his, her face buried trustingly against his neck. It was... confusing. His mind still sluggish with sleep tried to make sense of it. He didn't _remember_
Girifith chasing. All he could remember was... shards... shards...
_shards_!

He was still in Traelyn's weyr! That was Traelyn curled up in his arms! Oh Faranth, what had they done? **Shell cracks and crack dust...** He remembered everything now. B'ram had gone to her weyr uninvited, unannounced, and had waited for her. He had intended to aggravate her, to bring her back to that familiar hate that burned between them. But instead they had done it again. They had used each other again. And shards it had felt good.

The brownrider squeezed his eyes closed and bit his lip to keep from groaning is frustration, his absolute hatred of himself. He had let it happen again. He had tried to stop it. He had! But shards, it didn't take much convincing on her part to make him fall for it again. As much as he had told himself he didn't want it to happen, deep down inside, he knew he had welcomed her gentle seduction. It was so easy for him to ignore the words and sounds that came from her, and imagine Atreyn's whispered words in their place. When he thought of how she would cry out his name, the words of love she would whisper in his ear, the promises they had made each other... Oh shards, but he had craved that feeling again, and as much as he had told himself he had come to save them, he knew he liked being damned so much better.

Until now, when it was all over.

He couldn't stay. He couldn't face her after that. Carefully, B'ram unwrapped himself from around her. Slowly so as not to wake her, he began slipping out from under her body. Shards, but he just couldn't face her if she woke up. What could he say to her after... after _that_. It was better to pretend that he had never been there. Better to forget anything had happened, for by Faranth's shell, B'ram was determined that it would never happen again...

Traelyn stirred slightly, half-aware that the warmth she'd been wrapped around was pulling away. Murmuring a soft protest, her slender hand blindly reached for him, fingers curling against his skin.

B'ram froze. He could feel her reaching for him, trying to pull him back in. No, he had enough of this. He couldn't stay. He would let her drift back to sleep and then he could make his escape. He closed his eyes and waited, listening to the sound of the air filling and then emptying his lungs. After a few moments had passed, he again began slowly pulling away from her, hoping she would stay asleep this time.

And, as B'ram had hoped, she did drift back into a contented sleep--until his body finally slipped slowly and completely away from hers. Cold seeped in to where a delicious warmth had been, and she came awake, L'kub's name on the tip of her tongue. Then she suddenly paused, her eyes still tightly closed as a soft murmur of caution whispered into her ear:
Wait.

He paused once again, looking down at her when he heard her breathing changed. But she didn't move, she didn't stir, and her eyes were still shut. He cautiously stole across the cool sheets and slipped his legs over the edge of the bed, carefully lowering them to the ground. Shards, but the floor was cold, but he dare not move too fast or make a sound in case she might notice he was gone.

B'ram. Not L'kub. Never L'kub... It was _B'ram_. She remembered now. Oh, Faranth! How she remembered. The sounds, the moans and sighs of pleasure, the soft growls and light snarls of a shared need...the touches, his lips kissing her here, his fingers caressing her there, his hands grasping hers, lifting them high above her head, his mouth tender on hers...the feelings... Shards, the feelings. She'd felt things that she thought she would never feel again. Even with J'darin, and N'vanik...it wasn't like what this had been.

Traelyn couldn't suppress a slight shiver as the corner of the soft fur slid from her shoulder, the damp air whispering across her bare skin as he moved further away, the quiet rustle of sheets telling her just how far he was from her now. Slowly her jaw began to tighten, unnoticable in the darkness. The bastard. He was _running_.

Shards, but he just had to get out of there! He just couldn't be near her anymore. He couldn't trust himself not to do it agian. B'ram realized that now. Well, it wouldn't happen again. He had learned his lesson.
Traelyn was dangerous, and he would stay as far away from her as possible.
There would be no more attempts to "fix" anything. This was just something that couldn't be fixed. And he might have a few sleepless nights, but shard it, he'd rather that than resting in her arms again...
Faranth's shell, where were his sharding clothes?!

Fine. _Let_ him run. Let him be the coward he was, always slipping away from her like a shadow. Sharding, sharding B'ram! Wasn't he man enough to face her? Trying to shove down the undeniable feeling of rejection--just why she should feel _that_ of all things was beyond her.
He wasn't L'kub. He _wasn't_. But her heart wasn't sharding agreeing with the more rational part of her mind. After what they had shared...

**_No_, Trae. It was wrong. It was so wrong... And _you_ were wrong. Let him run. Let him go.**

B'ram dropped to his knees as he searchd for his clothes. **Shards, what did I do with them?** He was feeling a strange sense of desperation like a trapped and wounded animal. If he stayed any longer she might wake up.
She might accuse him, and rightly so, of all the terrible things he had thought and done. He could face them alone in his weyr, but he couldn't bear the thought of having to look her in the eye. Or worse, she could wake up and reach for him again! And he might not be able to resist, for no matter how wrong it had been, it had still felt so sharding right it was frightening.

He crawled on his hands and knees around the bed looking everywhere for a hint of his clothing in the dark. The brownrider felt relief as his fingers curled around cloth, but he threw it down in frustration when he realized they were the trousers he had so slowly and teasingly pulled off of her. **_Shards_!**

"You might want to try the bathing room."

Oh shell cracks... B'ram felt his blood run like ice through his veins at the sound of her voice. Of course, the bathing room. Where he had been when she arrived. He closed his eyes and swallowed thickly as he turned to sit down on the cold hard floor and leaned his back wearily against the side of the bed. B'ram knew he had been caught. There was no escape now.
With a long drawn out sigh he resigned himself to that fact.

Traelyn didn't sit up to confront him. She didn't even move her head to look at him. She shouldn't have spoken. Shards and _shells_...she should have just let him _run_! But her pride couldn't--wouldn't--allow him that. To let him flee from her without him even... No.

The heavy silence between them began to stretch, filled with things they couldn't admit and wouldn't say to each other. The silence was so still it was deafening.

B'ram sat there on the floor warring with himself. What could he say to her now? There was nothing he could say. All he could do was react. And there was only one way he knew how to react. Like any wounded animal, no matter how wise or foolhardy the attempt may be, the only course of action seemed to lash out at the one who had caught him. And he knew just how to do it.

He pulled himself to his feet and turned to look at her. Deliberately, he reached out for the fur and crawled back inside. She had found him in his moment of cowardess, and he knew just how to make them both forget it, if only for a moment. Sometimes the best way to hide shame was to heap more on top of it.

"You don't have to prove anything to me," she snarled softly as he moved closer. She hated the way her body was betraying her. And she sharding wished she had enough will to tell him no. To tell him to get his clothes and get out. The words were right on the tip of her tongue! **I am a scorching hypocrite,** she thought, hating herself for her weakness. How she wished she could shove all the blame onto him! But it was _she_ who had coaxed him into her bed when he had wanted to leave. It was _she_ who wanted--and who hadn't given up until he gave it to her. She was as much to blame as he was. Maybe even more so.

Her nostrils flared as she took in the heady musk of him. Shards...he was so close. "You don't." There was a hint of soft desperation in her voice now.

He looked down at her, her face half hidden in shadows and darkness, his hand resting gently on her stomach. She had basically said there was no reason for him to stay, and yet he noticed she also wasn't telling him to go. "I gave you everything you wanted. What do you want from me now, Traelyn?"

Confused, she turned her face away. **I don't know, B'ram. I don't sharding know!** But Traelyn could never say that to him.

B'ram didn't move as he waited for her to make the next move. He had tried to go. He had tried to do the right thing, as best as he knew how. But he had reached the limit of his strength of character. If she wanted him to go, she would have to tell him so.

Her hand moved then, making as though it was going to push his own hand that rested so gently against her off. But as her fingertips touched his skin, she knew she couldn't shove him away. No matter how much she sharding _wanted_ to, she couldn't do it. She couldn't face another night alone in this huge bed built for two. Especially since she knew she wouldn't sleep once he was gone. But if he was still here....

Her fingers linked through his.

**You sharding bitch. Just let me go!** he thought even as his arm curled under her head and he leaned down to kiss her shoulder softly. **Fine.
But only for tonight...**

Last updated on the May 15th 2006

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