I Wasn't Supposed to Impress

Writers: Curious, Devin
Date Posted: 8th February 2024

Characters: R'lor, L'saz
Description: Rlor tries to get L'saz to talk about his issues.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 11, day 5 of Turn 10

R'lor

R'lor was about to dismiss class and sent a message through his dragon.
**Mine would like to speak to yours after class,** Kularth told Faelath.

L'saz frowned when the message reached him. "Why does he want to speak
to me?" he asked, still not quite accustomed enough to mindspeak to
keep from whispering the words under his breath.

}: Dunno. I'm just the messenger. :{

Reluctantly, L'saz lingered after class, the frown lingering on his
face. It deepened when the last other weyrling cleared out, leaving
just him and the weyrling master. He leaned against a table and
cleared his throat. "What's up?" he asked, voice straining in his
attempt to sound casual.

"I was wondering if you might be having a bit of trouble adjusting to
weyrlinghood." R'lor had noticed that L'saz didn't seem to have any
friends among his classmates and kept to himself as much as possible.

L'saz crossed his arms and looked away. "Why would you think that?" he asked.

"You seem rather aloof from your clutchmates," R'lor said. "Is there
anything bothering you?"

L'saz shrugged, gaze remaining locked on a blank patch of wall. "So
what if I'm aloof? Am I _required_ to make friends with these people?"

"No, you're not. But one day soon some of them will be your wingmates
and you'll need to work together." R'lor studied him. "It's better to
address any issues now." Possibly the lad was just surly, but it also
wouldn't be the first time a holdbred boy finding himself bonded to a
green reacted poorly.

"And if I don't _have_ any issues?" L'saz retorted, finally shifting
his attention back to the weyrlingmaster. "Maybe I'm just not a people
person. Have you considered that? Or maybe I'm not..." He paused,
pursed his lips, and looked away again. "I don't see how any of this
matters anyway."

"My job is to get you ready for the fighting Wings, and part of that
is to help you adjust to weyrlife." R'lor wondered how best to
approach this. "Perhaps when you accepted the Search, you had a
different idea for how things were going to turn out?"

L'saz's shoulders tensed. "What do you mean?" he ground out past gritted teeth.

"Well, you might have expected a different color. Or you might not
have expected to Impress at all. Being a dragonrider in a Pass is no
easy thing."

L'saz faltered. Slowly and warily, he asked, "Does that sort of thing
happen often?"

"I've seen all sorts of reactions to Impression, or during training
when the reality sets in," the Weyrlingmaster Third said. "Whatever
you're feeling, you aren't the first one."

"Okay, but... Does it _matter_?" L'saz pressed. "It's not like you'll
let someone back down after they've already impressed. You're going to
make me go out there and fight thread no matter what."

"Yes, but I can make it easier for you. I can help you cope. I can
help you get your head on straight so you have a better chance of
_surviving_."

"I'm not sure _anything_ can help with this," L'saz muttered. He
paused for a beat before hurrying to add, "I mean, I do want to
survive! I'm not suicidal or anything. There's just so much
_whershit_."

R'lor studied him. "Like what?"

L'saz Uncrossed his arms. "Nothing important," he muttered, dropping
his gaze down to his feet.

"Weyrling L'saz, you need to talk to me." R'lor's tone was mostly
gentle, but there was a hint of sternness to it.

"I don't know what to say!" L'saz exclaimed. "I-" He hadn't been a
real candidate. He wasn't supposed to be able to impress. He couldn't
_tell_ him that though. Ay'ell was right; no one would take the word
of a newly impressed greenrider over that of an established
searchrider. R'lor would think he was lying and then he'd be in even
more trouble than before . But... maybe he could tell a small portion
of the truth. "I didn't think I would impress." An understatement, but
close enough. "My plan was to stand once to get my father off my back
and go home. And..." And he couldn't tell his family about Faelath.
Things were difficult enough as they were. He couldn't, _wouldn't_,
add being disowned to his list of problems. "I didn't plan for any of
this."

R'lor nodded. "Lots of weyrlings struggle with the reality, even if
they wanted to Impress. It can be a shock to know your entire life has
changed."

"Yeah," L'saz said, dull and unenthused. "I can imagine." Because he
was living it. He examined his shoes for a moment before looking back
up at R'lor. "But is that it? Are we supposed to just... Roll over and
accept it after?"

The Weyrlingmaster Third arched an eyebrow. "Would you give Faelath back?"

"No, but I don't want to _die_!" L'saz exclaimed. "I mean, what kind
of deal is that? We get dragons, but we have to live short, violent
lives before being eaten alive by sky fungus. And that's without
getting into..." He pursed his lips, face growing fractional lay
paler. "...Everything else."

"When I Impressed there was no Thread. We thought it was gone forever.
Having to fly 'Fall was . . . an adjustment." R'lor frowned at the
memory. "But I'd like to talk with you about this 'everything else'.
What do you mean by that?"

"I..." L'saz looked down at his shoes again. "I wasn't-" His voice
cracked. "I wasn't supposed to be able to impress." He paused. He
swallowed heavily. His hands clenched and unclenched. Finally, in a
rough rasp, he tacked on, "...Green."

R'lor held back a sigh of relief that the boy had _finally_ said
something. "I understand that can be a very difficult thing for
someone raised outside the Weyr, but here you are a _dragonrider_ and
if anyone gives you trouble about it, you tell me." Some of those
Searched from Holds and Halls carried their prejudices with them and
bullied the boys who Impressed green and even blue.

"Right," L'saz murmured, still not looking R'lor in the eyes. "If
that's all, can I go?"

R'lor thought for a moment. "I want you to come speak with me in my
office, tomorrow after class."

"Fine," L'saz sourly muttered. "Can I go now?"

The Weyrlingmaster Third nodded. "You're dismissed L'saz." The surly
weyrlings were always a bit of a struggle for him, and he hoped he
could get L'saz to open up a little.

Last updated on the February 10th 2024

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I Wasn't Supposed to Impress