You OK, Little Sister?

Writers: Aaron, Miriah
Date Posted: 5th November 2020

Characters: Aviday, T'ner
Description: T'ner, too, is worried for his classmate.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 7, day 2 of Turn 10
Notes: Mentioned: Ayressa, T'kala, F'aen, R'fal

Aviday

"Hey," said T'ner to Aviday. What did one say about this sort of
thing? He felt it would be easier to talk to a little brother about
it, but he was not sure. He almost thought about asking Ayressa about
what he should say, what he should do, but she was not one of Aviday's
classmates. Whatever she suggested, it would not be the same as what
would come naturally from him.

And for some reason, T'ner felt like whatever he said should come
naturally from him.

"Lehystrath said you... That you and Kobeth had your first flight. Are
you... I mean, is there... Are you OK?"

Aviday jerked her head upwards. She'd been so lost in her thoughts
that she hasn't even heard T'ner come in. She straightened, blinked,
and then tried to put her mind in order as she sat up. "Oh uh...
I'm..I'm fine. Everything's good." Like she'd done with T'kala only a
few candlemarks before, she forced a smile but it was a little too
toothy and strained. "It was great!"

"OK, so, what I'm hearing is, it was awful." T'ner frowned with
concern. It certainly did not sound nor look like it was great, and
T'ner was fairly certain he would know what great looked like. "Do you
want to talk about it? Can I sit with you?"

Aviday's smile crumpled just a little before she pushed it back and
she rushed to reassure him. "I didn't say that. It really was. I
mean, you know flights and how they go. " Her words were rushed and
hurried. "Wham, bam, everyone's happy. I mean, it really was.
Everything went fine. No problems!" She gave an exaggerated shrug,
then looked down at her side and began talking even faster. "Oh sure.
But there's nothing to talk about really. I mean next time it might
be N'vanik who catches. My mama would be so jealous. I told you
about her and him right? So, how's Ayressa? Is she doing good? "

T'ner frowned, winced a bit. And he sat down and scooted close to
Aviday. Then, he thought better of assuming and said,

"Is it OK to hug you?" After all, if she was feeling Not OK after a
flight – and she obviously was – then a man touching her might be the
last thing she wanted. He did not mean to ignore her, but clearly, she
was trying to change the subject, and T'ner would try a little bit
harder to help first before he gave into that.

"You don't have to pretend to be OK."

"Why wouldn't it be?" Her voice became a bit too high and she could
feel her heart pounding even as she felt her stomach twist into knots.
"I'm _fine_. I'm really fine." In a desperate effort to prove it, she
gave him the quickest side-hug she could manage, then pulled away,
just as swiftly. If she could convince T'kala _and_ T'ner then maybe
she'd be okay...

It was his next words that made her look away and she simply wasn't
able to meet his eyes. "I'm okay. I'm really..." She felt her eyes
sting and she quickly blinked to try to clear them; her throat worked
at a sudden lump and she looked down at her fingers. She hadn't
realized she was twisting then together. Her voice, meant to be
bright, was only a whisper. "I'm fine. "

"If... I mean, if you really want me to leave you alone about it, I
will. But. It kinda sounds like you're trying to convince yourself
more than you're trying to convince me," said T'ner. He winced.

"And I really can't bear to see you pretending you're not hurt, you
know. I can't make it better, really. I don't know how. But... you can
be... you know, you can just let it out and admit you're not OK. And
I'll just be here with you for a little while."

Aviday hunched her shoulders, sucking her lower lip into her mouth
and chewing at it. She swallowed hard and glanced over at T'ner then
back down at her fingers. He wouldn't understand. He wasn't a girl.
But maybe, it would be better if she didn't have to pretend so much.
T'kala had been easier; he didn't see her as much as T'ner did. It
was easier to just lie and pretend with him. Her face fell and she
shifted just a little. "I'm... I'm not okay," She finally admitted
and closed her eyes. "But I'm trying to be. "

T'ner nodded. At least she managed to tell him the truth. And now,
well. As much as he offered to just be with Aviday, he could not help
but want to fix whatever was bothering her.

"Would it help to... maybe talk to someone like Ayressa? I could ask
if she would."

Aviday shook her head. While she knew Ayressa, she didn't know her
that well, at least not enough to be comfortable taking to her about
what had happened. And she'd promised R'fal. He'd promised her too.
"It's alright. I just...I just kinda want to forget it." She shrugged
her shoulders. "It was my fault so, I just don't wanna think about
it."

"It... doesn't really feel like this is a thing that can be someone's
fault?" T'ner ventured. It was like saying it was her fault that she
got her monthly.

"If you want to forget about it, I won't pester you, but... well, even
if you're not OK now, I want to know that you will be OK. Is there
anything I can do?"

Aviday sighed deeply and shook her head. "I don't know, T'ner." It
was her fault. All her fault. If she'd just gotten ready like she
was supposed to, maybe it would have been different. Maybe it
wouldn't have hurt. She looked up at T'ner, the smile on her face gone
now, replaced by a tired exhaustion. "Try to make sure your dragon
doesn't chase Kobeth when she rises again. I don't...I can't even
think about it. I don't want to look at you different." She looked
back down and spoke softly. "I don't want it to be you that hurts
me. "

"Oh, skies, Aviday," said T'ner. His face fell, and his eyes misted,
and he reached out to touch her shoulder – though he moved slowly
enough that if she pulled away, he could stop before he touched her.

In fact, Lehystrath had not chased in the first place because T'ner
saw Aviday like a sister. He could not imagine that changing,
especially not now.

"I promise. We won't ever hurt you that way."

She didn't pull away from him, but she didn't look at him either.
After everything, Aviday was just feeling numb and tired. She felt
the touch on her shoulder and exhaled a long breath, closing her eyes.
"Thanks. Just don't tell anyone, okay? I'll get in trouble or they'll
want me to practice it or something. I just can't think about that
right now." She turned to look at him, then frowned, finally asking
him a question that had been bothering her. "Does it hurt for boys?
Their first time I mean?"

"It depends on the boy," said T'ner. He hated to think of Aviday
having been hurt. "It didn't hurt for me, but. I wasn't the one, you
know." He blushed. "On the receiving end. I think if boys don't take
it slow when they are, it hurts quite a bit." That certainly seemed to
be true based on his practice experience with F'aen.

"I. I won't tell, but. If you're still hurting after, you know, a few
more days, I want you to see a Healer, OK? They won't tell, either."

She shook her head. "Yes they would. They'd tell the Weyrlingmasters.
They'd have to." Then Aviday shrugged. It doesn't hurt so much any
more. I'm just sore now kinda like after you start riding a dragon and
your leg muscles cramp up. That sort of feeling." She rubbed her arms,
soothing herself. "And I've been going /between/ a lot. To make sure
of stuff." She bit her lower lip. "You know what's worse, though? My
mama. She was waiting outside of the flightroom for me to come out.
She got mad at me. For doing it wrong." She hung her head, looking
defeated as she plucked at her trousers. "Told me that if I was any
sort of rider, I would have mothed flights or something to get ready."

T'ner frowned sharply and blew out an angry huff.

"Well, you'll have to excuse my language, but your mama can stuff it.
It's none of her business what you do with your own body, and nobody
should be pushing you to do that if you're not ready. Even now – don't
let anybody tell you that since you've done it once, you might as well
just do it all the time. You do it when you're good and ready and not
a second before. And if anyone tells you otherwise, they can answer to
me."

He softened again when he processed what Aviday had said before he got
worked up over her mother's insensitivity.

"If you say you're going to be OK, I'll believe you. But. The Healers
would only have to tell if it was going to affect your safety in
training. And, well... if your safety is at stake, then is it really
so bad if they do find out? I don't want you to get hurt any worse."

"It's just sore, T'ner. I use numbweed. It'll be okay." Aviday had a
little grim smile twist her lips. "She does stuff it. Every day. With
new men each time." The response was bitter and told much about her
resistance to what her mother had been continually suggesting since
she'd Impressed. "She lives to moth flights. She loves it. It's
like...her whole world. It's all she thinks about some times." Aviday
sighed. "She thinks about it more than me. It's more important than
me. Always has been. I was lucky to be in the creche; I don't think
she ever really wanted to be a mama but now I think she wants me to be
just like her. I don't want to be. Not ever."

Her brow knit as a sudden anger swept over her. It was unexpected and
abrupt as her face reddened. "I hate her, T'ner. I hate her. She kept
my hair chopped short cause she didn't want to mess with it and I
looked like a boy all the time. She doesn't ever listen to me. Do you
know how many men she told me was my father until I met D'ale? Lots.
She didn't care that it bothered me. As soon as I became a senior
weyrling, I had to avoid her because she'd push men at me all the
time. She didn't listen! She never listens!" Her face reddened
further. "I HATE HER."

"You don't have to be like her," said T'ner softly. His face fell, and
he wanted to hug Aviday all the more, but he was sure she would have
to be the one to initiate that. "You're NOT like her. I'll tell her to
leave you alone. Do you want me to?"

Her fists clenched and she nodded almost too quickly. "I don't want to
see her. I don't want to talk to her. Not ever. I want her to leave me
alone. She always tells me I'm too little and I'm too skinny and I'll
never get a man if I don't gain weight and that I don't have a
butt..." Out spewed a torrent of anger that had been so carefully
repressed over the turns as Aviday rose and began pacing. "Your hair's
too thick,
Aviday, you can't have long hair, it's too much to try to brush! I
wish you looked like me, Aviday! At least some riders like boys, Avi!
Maybe they'll be interested in you too! Why don't you stuff that
breast band?" Her fingers curled as her eyes widened. "I'm going to
grow out my hair. I'm going to grow it out long and I'm not going to
cut it unless I have to! Then I'll braid it and shove it right in her
face. And I'm gonna stop wearing a breast band. I don't have to!

"You are just right the way you are," said T'ner. "You are good
enough. Sorry, I mean. I don't mean to say you can't do all of those
things," he corrected quickly. "I mean to say. You don't have to
change yourself for her. You can be the person you want to be. I'll
find her and tell her to leave you alone next time I have the chance,
OK?"

His soft words and reassurance began to calm her rising anger and
frustration; she dropped her hands, relaxing them slowly. She began to
relax a bit more and exhaled, feeling drained after the sudden
outburst. "Okay." Aviday took a deep breath. "Thanks, T'ner. I really
appreciate it. If you could do that...it would really help. But I'm
gonna grow my hair out. I always wanted long hair." Her jaw firmed,
then relaxed as she looked over at him. "You're a really good friend,
you know that? One of the best."

"Well." T'ner blushed, but he offered a smile. "I'm trying," he
admitted. "Trying my best. I'll talk to your mother. And if she
bothers you anyway, have Kobeth tell Lehystrath."

"I think you'll look great with long hair, too."

"I will. Thanks." She paused, shifting from foot to foot before
sitting down right next to him. "Do you think, well, when I grow it
out, do you think maybe you could ask Ayressa if she could show me how
to fix it pretty? Do you think she'd mind?"

"I think she'd love to." T'ner smiled. Perhaps he might have offered
to help, himself, but he had absolutely no idea how. "I'll ask her
tonight."

Aviday's smile became a little brighter and less morose. She leaned
over and lightly bumped T'ner's shoulder with hers. "Thanks. You made
me feel a lot better, you know that?"

T'ner leaned back against her for a moment. He was much relieved to
hear that he had helped and that Aviday was feeling better.

"Well, that's what big brothers are for, isn't it?"

Aviday suddenly chuckled. "I've got lots of big brothers now. It feels
nice. I even have a little brother and a little sister now from D'ale.
Didn't ever think I'd have such a big family." She leaned her head
against his arm, relaxing. "You know, I think I like it. The family I
mean." She wrapped her arm around his back and gave him a real hug. "I
really like it."

"Me, too," T'ner said softly. "Me, too."

Last updated on the November 11th 2020

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You OK, Little Sister?