Girlfriends Are Forever

Writers: Heather, Yvonne
Date Posted: 28th October 2020

Characters: Alina, Saidrene
Description: Alina and Saidrene see each other for the first time since the fight.
Location: Barrier Lake Weyr
Date: month 4, day 1 of Turn 10
Notes: Mentioned: J'ackt, K'ran

Alina

Saidrene

Alina shivered as she and Imairth came out from /between/ over Barrier Lake Weyr. Dread clawed her insides. **Maybe this was a bad idea...**

}:It is a good idea,:{ Imarith said reassuringly. The green dragon angled her wings toward the little clearing that they'd landed in last time. }:I will tell Ashareth that we are here!:{

**No, don't, I changed my mind--**

}:Too late!:{ If a dragon could crow, Imarith would. She backwinged to a landing next to the little gazebo where Alina had met with Saidrene the last time. That horrid little gazebo where Saidrene had announced her pregnancy. Alina looked at it with distaste, then slid off her dragon's back. Imairth turned to nudge her rider with her nose. }:It will be all right. I will be right here.:{

Her rider undid her jacket and withdrew the little package she carried. She looked at it for a moment, imagining its contents and the mess of feelings behind it, then walked over to the little gazebo more confidently than she felt. Alina sat down to wait. **Maybe she won't come,** she said after a moment. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

Saidrene had been working in the dragon infirmary when Ashareth passed along the message from Imarith. It had been so surprising that she had dropped the entire roll of gauze she had been stocking. Hurriedly throwing the rolls into the cabinet and slamming it shut (and secretly hoping no one else noticed until she came back to straighten up), Saidrene hurried toward the gazebo, anxiety coiled within her chest as she saw a familiar figure sitting there with a familiar green dragon. Had she come to put the nail in the coffin of their friendship? Saidrene wondered. Perhaps Alina had had time enough to think of exactly all of the mean things she wanted to say to her.... **No less than I deserve, probably.** She just hoped she could keep her emotions, mostly her tears, in check since they had been in full swing lately.

"Hey," she said as she approached, slowing her steps. The two always greeted with hugs and laughs in the past, but at the moment, Saidrene wasn't even sure if she should sit down.

Alina looked up, her expression guarded. "Hey."

Saidrene took a tentative seat. "What brings you by?"

Alina looked out at the lake-- anywhere but at Saidrene. She took a deep breath, steeling herself. "You. Here. This is for you. And..." She thrust the wrapped package at the other greenrider.

She caught the package reflexively in both hands. "Oh, you... you shouldn't have." **_Really_ shouldn't have,** she thought as she opened the package and ran her fingers over a softly knitted blanket in a beautiful pastel shade of yellow. A baby blanket. The cotton backing was soft and embroidered over it was a sun with little firelizards flitting about. "Alina," she said, her voice thick with emotion.

Alina looked back toward the lake. "It's... I hope you have an easy birthing," she said in a rush. "And a-- healthy baby with K'ran."

Tears pressed against her eyes. "Thank you.... Me too." Saidrene folded the blanket in her lap. "I"m very sorry, Alina," she said quietly.

"I thought that the baby ought to have something new." Alina took a deep breath, although she couldn't quite look at Saidrene yet. She hadn't expected Saidrene to apologize and it had caught her off guard. "Do you hope it'll be a boy or a girl?"

"I guess I don't really have a preference, although, since K'ran doesn't have any children I've sort of been thinking a boy for him would be nice." A boy with K'ran's dark hair and eyes sounded perfect.

Alina smiled a bit. "Not twins?"

The unexpected question caught her off guard and a laugh escaped her. "Shells, no. I'm already having a hard time imagining how this," she gestured to her belly, "gets out of here," she gestured toward her thighs.

"My mother would agree with you," Alina said quietly. She looked down at her hands. "Have you told your mother yet?"

"Yes, she was actually the first to know aside from D'hol." That had been an uncomfortable but necessary conversation.

"What did she say?"

"She was supportive. Her advice was to be truthful," that last note was said with a hint of bitterness, since being truthful had not exactly gone well. "And then she told me to enjoy it because it goes by quickly."

**Truthful.** That was what had gotten them into this mess to begin with. Alina's smile faded a bit as she looked out over the lake. She didn't want to ask. She asked anyway, her voice soft. "What did... what did you think J'ackt would say? When you told him?" Saidrene understood J'ackt's past as well as she did, possibly even more than she did. She had to have known that J'ackt didn't want to be a father.

"I figured J'ackt wasn't stupid enough to believe a lie. I'm clearly pregnant, and the timing clearly goes back to the sevenday around my flight. I knew he would be angry, this isn't the first time something similar has happened, and some of the first conversations we ever had were about his father and the way his father treated him and his mother." Saidrene said with a lift of her shoulders.

"Angry isn't the right word." Alina pulled her braid over her shoulder to run the end over her fingertips. "I don't know if... I don't know if he'll forgive you. And... I hope that you think that's worth your truth."

"It's not my truth, it's the truth. You would have had me lie to your faces, even though J'ackt would have known it was a lie?" The greenrider shrugged. "If he stays mad, that's on him. I lived my life at Dolphin Cove worried about him, and now I'm going to live my life here for me."

If moving from her cothold to the Weyr had taught Alina anything, it was that there was no one, real truth-- just the stories that people told themselves were true. Perhaps Saidrene was right, that J'ackt would figure it out on his own. Perhaps, though, he would have believed her-- made himself believe her-- if she'd said that the baby was K'ran's. It would have allowed the two of them to stay friends. It almost felt like Saidrene was using her condition to drive him away, and Alina with him...

And maybe that was part of the story Saidrene told herself. Alina sighed and dropped the end of the braid and turned her gaze back out to the lake. "I see."

"No, you don't. For the first time in my life I'm being told it would have been better to lie than tell the truth. I saw what my Uncle K'yne was like when he found out nearly twenty Turns down the road that he was a father, and I saw how much J'act resented him for not being there, for not helping his mother.... I don't want that for my child, or for J'ackt, in the event that he changes his mind twenty Turns from now. My child may not know their real father, if J'ackt is the father, but that will be on J'ackt, not me."

"I just... I hate this, Saidrene." Alina looked down at her hands. "I hate that you and J'ackt are... I want it to go back to how it was with the three of us. This should be a happy time for you. For all of us. Babies are something to celebrate." She looked up and her eyes were thick with tears. "I _miss_ you."

"You have no idea how much _I_ miss _you_," Saidrene insisted. "I'm not likable, I don't make friends. You are the only person that understands me. K'ran has tried, but Faranth, he's just a man, he doesn't get it." Her laugh was slightly wet with tears.

"You are too likeable! _I'm_ the Holdbred, backwoods dimglow." Alina held out her hand. "You... you and J'ackt... that hurt me so much. You're like a sister to me, and neither of you told me... it felt like you were hiding something. Why didn't you tell me that J'ackt won your flight? It felt like you were hiding something."

"We didn't see each other between the flight and my birthingday. I assumed J'ackt would tell you about the flight when he got back to Dolphin Cove, I had no way of knowing the he hadn't. I didn't even know I was pregnant for several sevendays, and then when I did know, I kept it to myself for a fortnight, trying to figure out what to do. By the time I decided I wanted to keep it, K'ran was injured and at Dragonsfall and I wanted him to be the first to know.... So I waited."

"And so maybe you should _talk_ to me." Alina let her hand fall. "Neither of you told me anything. Do you have any idea how lonely that makes me feel?"

Saidrene tilted her head, brow furrowed. "If I had told you about the flight, when J'ackt didn't, that would have made it seem as though I was going behind his back, trying to stir up jealousy or something. He is your weyrmate, he sees you every day, it was his job to tell you. I didn't see you for two months, would you have wanted me to send a message via flit that said 'by the way, J'ackt won my flight'?"

"You should have said something anyway. J'ackt should have too. I'm mad at both of you." Alina dashed tears away from her eyes. "I just felt... like neither of you even thought about me. I just... ever since I was Searched, I felt like people don't care what I think or want. I wish you'd told me he'd won your flight. If one of you had said something, it wouldn't have been such a surprise to hear that you're having a sharding baby with J'ackt, and I never can."

Saidrene had to push down her frustration. It was like her friend wasn't listening! "There's a strong possibility it is K'ran's. And why can't you have a baby with J'ackt? Or is it just his aversion to being a father that stands in the way?"

Alina nodded, looking back toward the lake. It was easier that way. "I think he'd leave me, if I got pregnant. And I don't want to have a baby if he isn't as excited as I am. I'd rather keep J'ackt than be a mother... I made that decision when we weyrmated and I don't regret it. But I could be an aunt. Elana will marry some day, and... if you'd let me, I'd love to help you... I wouldn't really be an auntie, not by blood. But you're my best friend... if you still want me."

"Alina," Saidrene took her hand. "J'ackt never wanted a committed relationship, but then you came among. J'ackt thought holdbred ceremonies were silly, but he courted you like a holder. J'ackt never wanted a weyrmate, but then you came along. He _loves_ you. If anyone will be a mother to his children, it will be you." Her mouth trembled, fighting tears. "And you will always be my best friend. No matter what."

"Good." Alina tightened her fingers around Saidrene's and gave her a watery smile. "You're still such a bovine. But I'm so happy that you still want me around."

Saidrene pulled her friend in for a long embrace.

Last updated on the November 11th 2020

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