Love's A Leap

Writers: Yvonne, Avery
Date Posted: 17th February 2020

Characters: K'lvin, K'ran
Description: K'ran and K'lvin talk about greenriders.
Location: Barrier Lake Weyr
Date: month 13, day 1 of Turn 9
Notes: Mentioned: Riveenata, Saidrene, Jayzine

Notes: very belated because of Avery LOA

Notes2: eeehhh, we forgot to send this! It goes before "Breaking the Ice" and before "After the Hunt"

K'ran

The sun had gone down behind the horizon more than an ago, and the stars and one moon had come out. Despite the late candlemark, there were still signs of life around the Weyr. Sure, without the sun, there was no outside construction. But a few dragons were still blinking in and out of /between/, carrying in people or items from other Weyrs and Holds farther west where it was not yet night, or perhaps taking their riders on errands to continue the process of moving or visiting friends and family left behind during the moving process. With people having to work restdays as part of the setup, K'ran couldn't blame some of them for taking a quick candlemark to go see others, as long as they came back rested.

He considered going to Amber Hills to catch up with his brother and parents. It was a luxury he really ought to allow himself, a brief respite from a meal at home and a chance to see family. But he felt as though he needed to be at the lake weyrhold all of the time, to be a good example and give it all of his best.

In fact, he really ought to be working right now, whether it was going over the sevenday's progress reports or approving work schedules or...anything other then what he was doing, which was brooding over the events of the day before while sipping at his second glass of brandy.

Rogueth felt his rider continually turning over thoughts in his mind and being unsettled. He decided he did not like it and decided to change this. }:Xmrenth, is your rider busy?:{ he asked the other bronze. }:Mine is having complicated feelings and maybe yours could drop by.:{

}:My rider is on his way,:{ Xmrenth confirmed with the other bronze.

K'lvin had been finishing up some unpacking and cleaning in the dragon infirmary, which was still mid-construction, and he had only been doing that because sitting in his weyr with nothing to do drove him crazy. What he wanted to be doing was sitting on a ledge at Dolphin Cove with Riveenata watching the sunset. For the first time in his life he found work not nearly as satisfying because he had the intense desire to be somewhere else.

"Hello the weyr?" K'lvin called out as he walked through Rogueth's weyrcouch. "Rogueth says you're having complicated feelings," he said with a grin when he found his friend. "And I figured I could sip fruit juice and watch you drink and just live vicariously through you."

The construction staff had made sure to have a low table to sit around with two padded chairs and a couch all in the living room, and he was sitting in one of the chairs. K'ran rolled his eyes and waved K'lvin to take a seat on either the other chair or the couch if he wanted. "You sure you want to be living through my mind right now?" he asked.

"Well, it has got to beat living in mine, right now." K'lvin chuckled as he sat. "Is it work related or personal?"

"I keep thinking about Saidrene's flight," he admitted.

K'lvin's eyebrows lifted in surprise. "Really? Why?" he asked. He had been there that day too, since Xmrenth had decided to chase.

"After the punishment duty after she was late, I'd kind of been avoiding her... I mean, wing drills were fine and all, we've both been professional. I thought it was going to stay like that, I didn't want to repeat the mistakes of getting personal while we were in the same wing, and I didn't know what to do about just transferring her. I don't want it to be a punishment, and I wasn't sure if I even wanted to go further and..." He trained off and shrugged.

"Then I saw her transfer papers. It's not like I disapprove. She is a good wingrider and I was happy to see her transfer here, her enthusiasm and responsibility will be good. And it's good she's in D'hol's wing. Because now things could happen. If I want them to. And I don't know."

K'lvin nodded slowly as he listened. He understood K'ran's reservations, especially when he had been Saidrene's Wingleader. K'lvin had never liked to mix Wing business and pleasure either when he had been a Wingleader. "So are you trying to figure out.... If you want things to happen?"

In the past five Turns, he'd thought he had feelings for only two women. Genna, where a mentorship had turned into her sliding her way into his heart, only for dragon flights to end up ruining their chances. Jayzine, who he'd been finding compelling, but had found maintaining communication with when she was at the Hold harder, even with exchanging letters and dragon making /between/ easier. They'd had visits, they'd had chats, had they gotten close romantically... no. He hadn't _let_ her get that close to him. And now with Saidrene...well there'd been a spark during the flight at Dolphin Cove, and the sevendays after, with her in his arms warm against him. Especially when they'd done catching drills and it had been so charged. But it scared him, and so he held back.

"I've never been good with women. Not with casual relationships. Always wanted something serious. Figuring out if I like someone enough to start something serious...that's hard," he said with a sigh.

It seemed always, always there was a spark - and then he was immediately holding back from it. Hypocrisy for someone who claimed he wanted something close.

K'lvin understood exactly what K'ran meant since he had wrestled with the same thing himself over his feelings regarding Riveenata. "Love is a leap, they say. Sometimes you just have to go for it and see where it takes you. That's what I had to do with Riveenata. I was miserable without her and even though it might not work out in the long run, I'd rather try and enjoy my time while I can, than to sit around wishing I had." It was a hard thing and Weyr relationships sometimes made it even harder.

"You at least knew your young greenrider genuinely had feelings for you. I don't know if Saidrene thinks anything about me beyond just a short-term roll in the furs. I mean, she is young and pretty and could have her pick of Weyr lovers, I'm sure. I don't know why she also wants to keep pursuing me, unless it was the hot-for-Wingleader thing. Why she would think about me in any way...she's probably over it by now. And why would someone of that age and upbringing want to settle down?"

He drained the brandy glass and concluded, "Really, I don't think I have much to offer her."

K'lvin's brow furrowed as he looked over at his friend. "That's a little harsh isn't it? She's weyrbred so she must not want to settle down? I'm weyrbred and I settled down." It was K'ran's final statement that K'lvin empathized with the most; the worry of not being enough. That was what had kept him from pursuing Riveenata at first, the worry that she would realize there were others who had more to offer than he did.

He considered K'lvin's words. It was a good question - why had he immediately assumed Saidrene wouldn't settle down? "You're right, it's not fair to assume she doesn't want to settle. I just have that feeling that she's lively, and flirtatious, and could have a dozen men wrapped around her finger. Like a lady version of the randy young playboys. Someone young and vivacious like that I have a hard time imagining settling for a boring man when she has so many options."

After a moment, he added, "Which is how you felt about Riveenata, I suppose."

"That is exactly how I felt," K'lvin admitted. "I just assumed she would much rather be with men her age but.... Sometimes it isn't that black and white." The bronzerider shrugged. "She didn't seem to find you too boring when she showed up at your weyr, did she?" he chuckled.

"No, but I don't understand why," K'ran said. He laced his fingers together and pushed, knuckles cracking with a loud pop that echoed throughout the room.

"It's not just that I don't think I have a lot to offer Saidrene. I don't have a lot to offer Jayzine, either. Any woman, really. There was nothing notable about me until I became a Weyrleader by accident. After that? It feels like all I have is my former title."

"That's silly," K'lvin scoffed. "You can offer love and companionship, can't you?"

"Can I? It hasn't really worked out in the past few Turns," he muttered, in a way that was maybe more bitter than he intended.

"Look, I understand. I thought I had found forever with Bahji and then she was taken from me. It's hard to recover and put yourself back out there. But you'll never find what you're looking for if you don't."

"And if you don't know what you're looking for?" Because that was his problem, wasn't it? He liked Jayzine, a lot, and he knew that. He thought maybe he liked Saidrene a lot, or he could. But were either of them the long-term he wanted? Was there any way to know?

K'lvin grinned. "That's what dating is for, my friend. To see if you're compatible. When you can't say goodbye to a woman, that's when you'll know."

"That's a terrifying concept," K'ran informed the other bronzerider.

"Why?" K'lvin asked. "Isn't that what you want? To settle down with one woman?"

He floundered slightly. "Well...yes. It's the dating part that's scarier. Figuring out how to date and test out if I might want that. It feels so overwhelming to start. I mean...it sounds like you and Riveenata just fell together into spending time with each other until you realize it worked? But dating, that feels like making a choice of pursuing someone to see if you work, and that's..."

That was what was intimidating, terrifying, and he didn't understand.

After a moment, he said, very quietly, "Maybe I am too holdbred. Maybe if I'd never Impressed, and stayed a traveling guard, and then after a few Turns I'd settled down with someone picked out for me and learned to make it work with her because hey, the choice was made."

"You can't be a coward in love and then complain about not having any, K'ran." K'lvin said, perhaps a little sharply. "The fact is, you did impress, you are a dragonrider, you are a weyrman. Stop over thinking and just let yourself act, for once."

"Me, just acting, anywhere outside of Threadfall? Please."

His response was light, as though K'lvin's words were not sharp and stinging. In truth, he deserved it - the words were not inaccurate. K'ran poured himself another glass of brandy from the bottle on the table. "Been taking a mindhealing course in addition to dragonhealing?"

K'lvin laughed at the jab. "What can I say? I've had a lot of time on my hands the last Turn."

"It seems to have given you some new and valuable perspectives," he said. Turning the glass around his hand, he sighed. "Do you think I should invite her to dinner or something?"

"If you're curious about her and how things could go, why not?" K'lvin replied.

K'ran tilted his head for a moment and laughed. "Rogueth says he'll tell Xmrenth if it goes badly and you have to show up with an urgent report to save me."

The retired bronzerider laughed. "If it comes to that, I'll come rescue you."

"I'll hold you to it."

Last updated on the May 31st 2020

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Love's A Leap