Respecting His Wishes

Writers: Devin, Miriah
Date Posted: 31st March 2019
Series: The Wingleader's Surgery

Characters: N'vanik, D'hol, Talryne
Description: D'hol tells N'vanik the truth.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 10, day 5 of Turn 9
Notes: Mentioned: Dheymin, J'ackt

N'vanik

D'hol

Talryne

----

D'hol stood in front of door, preparing to knock, but uncertain as to
what his reception would be. He'd never approached the Weyrleader in
his own weyr, nor had he ever expected that he would have to ask
anything of him. Steeling himself, he rapped lightly on the door and
waited.

It was a long moment before N'vanik opened the door. He blinked,
surprised at his visitor. "D'hol? Is something wrong?"

"I apologize for disturbing you, N'vanik," D'hol began. "But I need
to speak with you if you'll spare a moment. "

It must be important if D'hol was coming to him like this. They
avoided each other outside of official business. N'vanik turned to
Talryne, who was sitting in a chair with her latest project spread
around. "Sorry, could you give us a minute?" She nodded and
disappeared to the sleeping chamber.

N'vanik stepped out of the way. "Come on in."

"Thank you." He stepped in, eyes studying the large weyr before moving
to the center of the room. His jaw muscles tightened, then released,
then tightened again. "N'vanik, I would ask that what I am about to
say remain between you and I. It is...personal."

"Does it have to do with all those bruises that mysteriously
appeared?" N'vanik had let that go at the time.

"A bit, yes." D'hol turned to face him. "Can you keep it between you
and I, N'vanik? Please." The words were soft as he spoke. "It's
important."

"If I can." It depended on if this information affected the Weyr, and
with the way D'hol was talking it was making N'vanik nervous. "As much
as I can keep it private, I will."

"I suppose I can accept that. Thank you." He took a breath, then spoke
keeping his words even, but quiet. "I'm sick, N'vanik. I may not have
much time left and the Healers haven't given me many options. There's
something in my guts that's probably killing me, and even if I were to
risk having it cut out, which I probably won't survive, there's no
guarantee that I'll get better. " His jaw worked from side to side.
"There is some pain, but not enough right now to keep me from leading
the wing." He looked straight at N'vanik then, meeting his gaze
directly. "When it gets to that point, you'll have a list of riders
on your desk that day who I think would do well in my
place. "

D'hol paused, considering his next words, then cleared his throat,
struggling for just a moment. " I've seen you with Dheymin, your
daughter, and J'ackt. How you are with them. You're a better man than
I sometimes give you credit for. I'm asking you...can you keep an eye
on my children when I'm gone?"

It was as serious as N'vanik had feared and would explain how strange
D'hol had been acting lately. "Of course I will. You never have to
worry about that. D'hol I'm sorry, truly sorry that you're sick."
N'vanik struggled with what to say next. "I hope you'll do what you
need to take care of yourself." D'hol might annoy him frequently and
occasionally set off his temper, but N'vanik wouldn't have wished
something like this on him.

"Thank you." D'hol released the breath he hadn't realized he was
holding. "I'll do what I have to. Yumath and I, we've discussed it,
N'vanik. He wants to die fighting. So do I. We'll know when its time."
He hoped N'vanik was catching his meaning. "My eldest son knows, but
I've not told anyone else. I would like to keep it that way. But you
needed to know and be prepared for it."

"There are different kinds of fighting," N'vanik said carefully,
quietly. "And some of them don't involve putting other pairs at risk."

D'hol's half-smile was actually gentle and his voice just as quiet.
"The end of a Fall, N'vanik. And a wing that is being drilled daily to
handle sudden absences or drops from positions, even mine. I'd no
sooner risk my wing mates than you would. I'd never do that to them
unprepared. They'll be safe, I swear to
you on Yumath's hide."

"But you _will_ subject them to the trauma of watching you die when
they don't have to." N'vanik held up a hand. "I understand you want to
choose your way out, but we can arrange something. A Fall over the
ocean. You can go alone and fight until your flame runs out."

D'hol stared at him, surprised by the offer. "You'd do that?" The fact
that N'vanik understood his wishes was...it was something he'd never
believed was possible. "And it would just stay between you and I?"

"If you're that desperate that no one finds out you were sick, we'd
have to come up with a reason for you to be out there." Pride was a
deadly thing and N'vanik understood a man as proud as D'hol wouldn't
want to risk surgery or a slow death. Helping to arrange his suicide
wasn't a pleasant thing, but it was respecting D'hol's wishes.

"Thank you, N'vanik. " D'hol was more than grateful to the man, both
for his help and his understanding. His brow furrowed. "I think you
and I both know that I've caused a few people enough pain and problems
to last a lifetime. I don't want them involved. I'd rather just do
this quietly when it's time. Thank you for understanding that."

"I hope it doesn't have to come to that. But if it does, we'll spare
everyone else as much as we can." D'hol was right about hurting
people, but N'vanik knew there were at least a few who would be pained
by his death no matter how it happened.

"It won't. Quiet and quick. That's all I ask for. " He paused, then
offered his hand to N'vanik. It was a symbol of not only his
gratitude, but also respect and perhaps an attempted gesture of
reconciliation. "Thank you, N'vanik. And I mean it."

N'vanik took his hand. "I appreciate you coming to me with this. And
I'll look out for anyone left behind."

Last updated on the April 4th 2019

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Respecting His Wishes