It's Never Too Late

Writers: Estelle, Leigh M-F.
Date Posted: 5th May 2018

Characters: R'fal, L'exan
Description: R'fal seeks advice from L'exan about whether to tell his fellow weyrlings the truth
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 4, day 8 of Turn 9

Larzeth angled his wings just so for the perfect glide down into the
Bowl, and executed a nearly perfect landing near the feeding pens,
crouching in order to let L'exan slide down. The rider gave him an
affectionate thump on the shoulder. "You sure you only need one today,
Lightning Lad?"

}:Naturally. I'm not as hungry as I thought, and it's not a terribly
long sweep,:{ Larzeth stated. }:I think I'll even invite Demos to join
me this time.:{

"The little grump will enjoy that," L'exan said, and closed his eyes and
held his breath and closed his eyes against the sand kicked up as
Larzeth launched once more and climbed above the pens in order to choose
his target. When the air cleared, he strolled over himself to lean on
the fence and wait.

Nearby, a young weyrling stood watching the beasts as they grazed, with
slumped shoulders and an air of desperate misery. R'fal tried to pretend
he was back home, with nothing to worry about except making sure that
none of the animals got hurt or wandered off from the herd, but he
couldn't forget that in a short time, he'd have to go back and face his
classmates. If only his father was here! He'd know what to do. Da could
talk his way out of anything...but he was an unimaginable distance away.

**Hey, that weyrling with his head on straight is here,** L'exan
remarked once he was close enough to recognize the young man.

}:Nice, I have an audience,:{ Larzeth joked. }:Oh, that herdbeast has a
bad limp.:{

**I think that one's been limping a while. Doesn't seem to be getting
any better, either.**

}:Well then, it's all mine.:{

"Hail to the weyrling," L'exan called to R'fal. "How's life?"

"Oh - bluerider L'exan, sir." R'fal turned, trying to summon up a smile.
"Um...it's fine. I suppose." A shadow passed overhead and he watched a
blue dragon swoop down on his kill, scattering the other herdbeasts to
the far corners of the pen. He couldn't help but feel a bit of sympathy
- the beasts were waiting for their fate to descend on them, just like him.

Larzeth pulled up and circled around again, muttering something unpleasant.

"That hesitation doesn't sound fine," L'exan observed. "Something happen?"

"No..." R'fal stared down at his boots. "Well...not yet."

}:You could tell him,:{ Marlath suggested hopefully. The young brown was
troubled by his rider's despondent mood, but he was at a loss as to what
to do about it, since R'fal had begged him not to tell any of the
Weyrlingmasters' dragons. }:He seems kind.:{

**I can't. He'll think I'm an idiot, and a liar. They all will.**

Larzeth dived again, and this time he caught the limping herdbeast,
snapping its neck swiftly while he was still in the air. He landed a
short ways off outside the pen, and the second he did, a blue
fire-lizard and a few more of other colors arrived, swarming Larzeth.
}:I didn't say you could bring friends!:{ the bigger blue protested, but
didn't attempt to drive the fair away.

"You in some kind of trouble? I told you not to get any ideas when I
shared all those stories," L'exan half joked.

"No...not that kind of trouble. I just..." R'fal hesitated. "I think
I've done something really, really stupid, and I don't know how to get
out of it."

"Oh, there's a familiar statement," L'exan almost laughed. "You just
described my entire adolescence, kid. What happened? Is it something the
Weyrlingmasters can straighten out?"

"No! They can't know about this." The weyrling shuddered at the thought.
But if he didn't do something, it wouldn't be long before they found out
anyway. "Sir, if I tell you what I did...will you have to tell them?"

Fardles. Maybe he was overreacting, but those words sounded a lot like
someone who'd had trouble forced on them, and it was stirring paternal
feelings. L'exan straightened. "If I think you're in danger somehow,
then yes," he stated firmly.

"I don't think I'm in danger of anything, except maybe being the most
useless, pitiful excuse for a dragonrider who ever lived," R'fal said
miserably. He could hear Marlath protesting that it wasn't true, but
what other rider had ever done anything as foolish as he had? Now he was
going to have to tell L'exan, or he'd go straight to the Weyrlingmaster
and then the game would be up. "I lied to my classmates. I thought it
wouldn't matter...but it's just made everything worse."

Lies usually did. L'exan gave the weyrling a long stare, trying to weigh
out the best option on how to handle this. Finally, at a loss, he
motioned to Larzeth. Specifically, the Threadscore on his shoulder. "I
nearly got Larzeth killed some Turns ago," he said frankly. "I used to
fly so recklessly, chasing every thrill I could up there, that it's only
by the grace of the Ancients Larzeth or others didn't die because of me.
I was ashamed, R'fal, deeply. Even the fact I'd been scored too, and
that Larzeth believed he should've been more responsible himself, didn't
do anything for the guilt. So I dived headfirst into any form of alcohol
I could get my hands on, and that got me demoted to ferrying firestone.

"It took my daughter seeking me out and asking me to get better so she
could see me again to make me get my head on straight. So I stopped
drinking so damn much, worked harder than I ever had before, and finally
made myself into a rider worth flying with, and a father worth knowing.
It's never too late to tell the truth, R'fal. And now, having heard my
truth up front, do you think any less of me? Or do you think more
because I didn't let you you foster any illusions about the kind of man
I am?" L'exan finished.

R'fal had never heard anyone tell a tale like that before. He'd been
raised on stories of dragonriders as heroes; the Weyrleaders who'd led
the Wings to fight in the first Fall of the Pass, the ballads of the
great rides of the Ancients. When he'd Impressed Marlath he'd imagined
that at some vague point in the future, perhaps at Blooding, or when he
joined a Wing, he'd stop being an ordinary holder boy and turn into a
hero worthy of his dragon - and as time went on, he'd begun to fear what
would happen if he didn't.

"It must have been hard. To change your life like that, and to tell
someone about it without knowing how he'd react..." He felt the warmth
of his lifemate's support, encouraging him to go on. "Of course I think
more of you, sir. I know I shouldn't have lied. But how can I go through
training with my classmates knowing that I'm stupid and backward and
dishonest as well? I'm not that brave."

"Hey." L'exan rested a hand on R'fal's shoulder. "The only stupid thing
you did was lie, and that doesn't make you an idiot. Take it from the
guy who did who knows how many stupid things in his lifetime. So don't
feed me this dramatic 'oh woe, how can I ever go on?' stuff, got it?
It'll be hard to dig yourself out, and it'll hurt your pride, but guess
what? Pride's the one thing we can always get more of. And it can be
done, because this is your integrity on the line. If your classmates
can't see the kind of person you are when you tell them the truth, then
you'll still have me, and the Weyrlingmasters, your parents, and other
friends who might not be in the clutch. Most of all, you'll have your
dragon."

He patted R'fal's shoulder and removed his hand. "Besides, fearlessness
isn't bravery. Bravery's being absolutely fardling terrified, and then
doing what needs doing anyway." He'd once said something similar to
Ashuli a while ago. Who knew it'd come in so handy now? "But if it
helps, I can stand behind you when you say it and put on the big bad
imposing act, so they don't try anything dumb." He demonstrated by
squaring his wide shoulders, crossing his arms across his broad chest,
and scowling in an intimidating manner.

Despite himself, R'fal had to suppress a giggle. He had to admit it was
tempting, if only to see Lydela's face when confronted with the
bluerider, but he was supposed to be apologising, not scaring his fellow
weyrlings out of their wits. "Uh...thank you, but I think this is
something I have to do on my own."

}:You feel better,:{ Marlath said, his voice filled with relief. }:I
told you you should talk to him.:{

**You were right.** R'fal let his love and pride in his dragon flow into
the mind-connection between them. He still dreaded telling his friends
about the extra harper classes, but if L'exan thought he could do it,
then maybe it wasn't impossible. Also, it was infinitely preferable to
being found out by the Weyrlingmasters.

"Eh, most likely is. Just do it soon, all right? Like ripping off a
bandage, getting the worst part out of the way." L'exan lightly punched
R'fal on the shoulder in a comradely way. "Keep me in the loop, huh? I
need to get going. Duty calls and all that now that Larzeth's done with
his snack."

Larzeth punctuated the statement with a deep belch that sent the fair of
visiting fire-lizards scattering, and it was followed by a smaller
"Ehp!" of a burp from Demos.

"I'll go and do it now." R'fal agreed; it was better to get it over with
before he lost his nerve. "Thank you, sir. I can see what I need to do
more clearly now...I'm not sure why I didn't before."

The bluerider shrugged. "Couldn't tell you myself." He fastened up his
flight jacket. "I'd wish you luck, but you don't need it. See you round."

R'fal waved a farewell and hurried off in the direction of the weyrling
barracks before he could change his mind. This wasn't going to be easy,
but L'exan was right. It had to be done, and the sooner the better.

Last updated on the August 26th 2018

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It's Never Too Late