A Moment of Escape

Writers: Avery, Paula
Date Posted: 19th February 2016

Characters: A'kades, Lenala
Description: Lenala and A'kades decide what they mean to each other.
Location: Elsewhere on Pern, River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 4, day 1 of Turn 8
Notes: Mentioned: Rhosyn, A'dryn, M'galec, J'ren

Lenala

Lenala had been given some light hidework to do while she recovered.
Physically, she was healing well but mentally, she had fallen into
apathy since losing her baby. Except few rare moments when she was
almost back to normal, she just stared into emptiness. She felt the
tears but they didn't come out. Her mental state worried Vilarth and
made her difficult to deal with, well more difficult.

Lenala stared at the hide. Instead of numbers and letters, it was filled
with circles. All she was able to do was twirls on the hide. She felt
like the walls of the weyr were closing on her, the terrible emptiness
inside her threatened to engulf her. She screamed. "I want out of
here!" Vilarth's roar echoed her scream.

}:Vilarth is distressed. Go to her rider,:{ Volaith ordered his rider
as soon as the queen screamed.

Fortunately, A'kades had been reviewing weyrling essays, not actively
teaching a class. So the bronzerider could push back from the desk and
rush towards Lenala's weyr without any regrets. When he arrived, he
knocked quickly on the door before pushing his way in.

"Lenala?"

"A'kades? Help me, I'm lost!" there was desperation in her voice.

He immediately came in and wrapped his arms around her, stroking her
back. "What's going on?"

"I don't know. I can't cry. I need to get out of here," she turned to
lean against his chest.

"Alright, we can get out of here," he reassured her. "Volaith can take
us both or I can help you get Vilarth ready. Anywhere in specific you
want to go?"

His mind was racing, thinking of where she might like to be. He could
always take her home to Opal Cove. Had she been there? maybe somewhere
completely out of the territory, away from any memories she might have
had of the local area, would help.

Lenala's eyes glazed when she communicated with her lifemate. "Vilarth
won't let me ride with anybody else," she replied. "As for places, as
long it's not here, I don't care," A'kades presence was already
helping her, easing the anxiety.

"Alright," he said, continuing to rub her shoulders. "Let's get
Vilarth ready and we'll go to Opal Cove. The weather will be cooler
and it's beautiful there."

Lenala just nodded.

Volaith was able to pick his own straps off of the hanging peg and
bring them to the bowl. After that it was the work of a few minutes to
get both dragons safely rigged up and ready to go. "We'll pass you the
visual?" he offered.

Lenala just nodded again, falling back to the apathy. She mounted
Vilarth with the automatic grace born of countless times she's done
the same. Vilarth crooned gently at her before taking the air. She
bugled at the watchdragon and waited for Volaith.

The bronzerider took a moment to construct the visual, picturing the
towers and unique architecture of Opal Cove and then having it sent to
Vilarth. Once it was passed over and acknowledged he went /between/.
When they re-emerged it was into air that was cooler than that of
River Bluff's, and a bright sunny day of good weather. Below he saw
the main Hold buildings and farther off his home of the Tannercraft
Hall. Volaith started spiraling down to land as he watched for Lenala
and Vilarth to appear, momentarily holding his breath in case there
was a problem.

Vilarth appeared just two heart beats later. There were things her
rider did without thinking and guiding Vilarth safely through /between/
was one of them. The gold attracted attention when she circled over
the Hold.

Volaith descended slowly. He felt his rider's worry over Lenala. And
also, his happiness to be home. }:My rider is happy to be here with
yours. This is a nice place to be,:{ he told the gold.

When they landed, he offered to take her jacket. "I'd been meaning to
come home for my birthday," he said conversationally.

"You have a birthing day?" that got Lenala's attention. She was
usually very up to date of those.

"On the seventh day, actually," he said. He hadn't been thinking much
about celebrating.

Lenala nodded and committed it to her memory. She wasn't so far gone in
depression that she didn't care.

He judged the angle of the sun and thought about where his mother
would be - then considered that they didn't need the reminder of
family right now. Instead he took her hand and began walking. "There's
a beautiful garden path," he promised.

Lenala just nodded again and walked in silence with him for a long period.

"I'm breaking apart," she broke the silence, talking with a little girl's voice.

A'kades turned to her and drew her aside to a nearby bench, sitting
down. He would hold her, let her cry, whatever it took. He hated to
hear such pain in her voice. "Is there anything I can do? Other than
listen, if you want to talk?"

"I don't know. I feel the tears inside me but they don't come out. I
don't know who I am any longer. I'm turning invisible again," Lenala
replied. She had felt like she was invisible after...M'galec. She was
suddenly missing J'ren and their talks. Even before her pregnancy she
had had the feeling she had somehow lost herself, lost who she was.
J'ren had understood.

The bronzerider found it hard to understand what she meant. He'd
always been self-confident about who he was and what he was doing.
Lenala's feelings now weren't something he easily understood. But that
didn't mean he didn't want to _try_ to grapple with them. Just that he
didn't quite know where she came from.

"How could you be invisible? Do you feel like you don't matter?" he asked.

"Something like that. I just do my job and tend my duties and no one
cares how I feel. Except A'dryn."

Predictable. Reliable. Overlookable. Words that had been thrown at him
when he was younger, before ambitious had snuck in to join the list.
That feeling of under-appreciation for all she did, he could empathize
with. Although he knew there were other, less flattering words, that
had been thrown at Lenala in the past, times when she'd been accused
of being selfish, or shallow, or incompetent. He'd thought the same
when she first arrived, until he'd become closer to her. Fortunately,
the bronzerider wasn't going to mention that to her face.

"I didn't know you two were friends. He's a wonderful young man," the
bronzerider mentioned. "Do you not think Rhosyn cares about your
feelings?"

"Hah, she only cares when I can return to full duties. Like anybody
even notices if I'm missing," Lenala snorted bitterly. Of course, she
was seeing things thru dark tinted glasses, ignoring all the things
Rhosyn had done to make Lenala's life easier.

He touched her cheek gently. "I care. A'dryn cares. There's more to
you than Vilarth's hide."

"They can't see that. They only see who I was. Not who I am now," she
sighed and leaned against his shoulder. She was different person than
she had been few Turns ago, when she paraded her boytoy in front of
M'galec, deliberately driving him away.

"Do you feel trapped by your reputation?" he guessed, feeling a twinge
of shame that he'd used to think the same way about her. "People
change over the Turns, and maybe we don't re-evaluate others right."

"Yes," Lenala sighed.

"Do you want me to talk to Rhosyn?" he asked. "She needs to see you as
a person, not as a tool."

"I should take care of that myself. How can she believe in me if I let
others do my battles for me?" Lenala sighed.

That was true. But maybe Rhosyn wouldn't always believe that. "She's
not always good at realizing what people need and she tends to step on
people. Maybe she hasn't realized how she treats you. Now might be a
good time for it to change."

"Maybe," Lenala sighed again. "I just wanted to have that baby so much."

"Me too," he said. He'd wanted them to be their own little family so
much. "It wasn't your fault, though. There's time."

"I'm not willing to try again. Not yet anyway," Lenala warned him.

"I won't pressure you into it," he assured. "But I would like to keep
seeing you. I do care about you as a person, Lenala. Not just because
you'd gotten pregnant with my child."

That was something Lenala had needed to hear. Suddenly she just cling
to his shirt and started crying.

He wrapped his arms around her closer and stroked a hand down her back
to soothe her. "It's okay, I promise," he murmured, rocking her
gently.

"I love you," she confessed thru sobs.

Tears welled up in the bronzerider's eyes, as well. He hadn't known
until now that he cherished her. But the horror he'd felt at the idea
of losing her made it clear. "I love you too," he whispered,
continuing to cradle her.

Last updated on the February 20th 2016

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A Moment of Escape