Anxieties Rise Anew

Writers: Avery, Yvonne
Date Posted: 29th May 2015

Characters: J'nus, Kapera
Description: Kapera has a serious bout of nerves.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 12, day 7 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: Teseada, G'nir

Kapera

Kapera's closet was killing her.

Her hands ran over dresses. The dark blue one was the one she'd worn
to Riyanth's first hatching at Dragonsfall. The one she'd torn the hem
of when sitting at the beast pens with J'nus after the hatchling died.
She threw it onto the bed. That black slitted one with the fur-trimmed
drape. She had worn at her second Hatching there. She balled it up
and tossed it into the corner. There was a pretty one in a klah brown
shade - she'd worn to other goldrider's hatchings while she'd been the
Dragonsfall Weyrwoman. That too went flying out into her room.

No, no, no. They were all too bound up with too many memories. Why did
she even still have these?

She slammed the door and stalked over to the chair, flinging herself
into it and pulling her knees up to her chin, heedless of the fact she
was wearing only her undergarments. Excuses played in her head. She
couldn't find anything to wear. She was feeling flushed and ill and
couldn't make it. It had been suggested gently it would be politically
wise for her to go. Surely those would pass, right?

There was a light knock on the bedroom door, which then swung open.
J'nus stuck his head inside warily. "Kapera? Kopth tells me that
Riyanth says that it's all right if I come in?"

**You are a dirty traitor,** Kapera thought at her dragon fiercely.

}:And you do not feel good and Kopth's will fix it,:{ the gold
replied serenely.

"I'm not going," the goldrider muttered.

"Really?" J'nus sounded surprised, but he wasn't. Going back to
Dragonsfall Weyr would be difficult for both of them, and if it wasn't
for Kapera he wouldn't go at all. "Why not?"

Her emotions were balanced on the knife-edge between anger and fear.
Because admitting to the latter was nearly unthinkable, she shifted
towards the former. "Because I don't feel good about going. It's a
_terrible_ idea."

On the ledge, Riyanth let out a long exasperated noise. Her rider was
undignified.

}:Tell yours that mine is scared,:{ she told Kopth bluntly.

Kopth dutifully passed on the message as J'nus shut the door behind
himself. He was already dressed in his Gather best, but he didn't
mention Kapera's less-than-ready state. "Why do you say that?"

She lifted her head to look up at him. Her green eyes were wide and
full of distress.

"I can't face Teseada!" The words exploded out of her. "I screwed up
there, J'nus. I don't have any right to visit and say congratulations
to someone who could stick it out when I couldn't. To goldriders who
are better than me."

"Teseada isn't somehow 'better' than you." He crossed the space
between them to kiss her forehead. It wasn't fair - Kapera worked so
hard and took misfortune so personally. "You're amazing and beautiful
and smart, and I guarantee that she'll be happy to see you."

"How do I know she doesn't think I'm a complete failure?" She sighed
and tilted her head up towards him. "And what if anybody else says
something. I'm - afraid to face people."

It was so hard for her to force the words out.

"If anyone says something, I'm sure Riyanth will eat them," J'nus replied.
He bent
to kiss her forehead again. "Teseada doesn't think you're a failure, and
I'll be
right there with you."

She wanted to snap back asking if he'd asked the other goldrider, or if he
was just blowing crackdust. But Riyanth's mental prod was forceful enough
that it almost made the inside of her head hurt.

"Riyanth agrees I'm being silly," she said instead.

"You're not being silly. Truth be told, I'm not looking forward to going back
either. I left right after U'kaiah did, and I know G'nir wasn't happy
about it." The
bronzerider shrugged and retreated to lean his shoulder against the
goldrider's
wardrobe. "But it's still important to make an appearance. We could
always skip out
early after the feast."

"Are you sure you're alright with that?" Now that he was soothing her
panic, she found herself uncurling from the chair, settling her feet to
the floor.

He nodded. "After a certain point everyone gets drunk anyway. You know
me." The bronzerider had sworn off alcohol, but it was harder when
everyone was celebrating. And then much, much easier once everyone was
sloppy and inebriated.

She nodded quietly, feeling his reassurances lifting the chill of fear
around her heart. Then Kapera stood up and went back to the closet. "I
guess I should pick something..."

"Do you want me to do it for you?" J'nus' expression was wicked.

"Pick something out, or help me put it on? Because one of those will
keep us here forever..." Shardit, as soon as all this was over, she
was getting rid of the older dresses and getting some new ones!

"I can be helpful," the bronzerider said unhelpfully.

Her hands landed on a tunic in a dark wine color. She pulled it out to
examine it. It had a deep v-neck and pretty embroidery along the edges
to make it look fancy. That plus her riding trousers... "It's not a
dress, but what do you think?"

"I think you need a fancy hairdo and a big, fat gold necklace, and you'll be the
most beautiful woman in the room," J'nus told her. She'd be the most
beautiful woman
there no matter what, but that wasn't what she needed to hear.

"The fancy hairdo might be hard to do quickly, but a necklace I can do."
She began to slide the clothes on and smiled at him. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"Putting up with me when I'm being melodramatic, of course."

"I never 'put up' with you. I happen to like you," he said solemnly.
She _was_ being melodramatic, but there was no way J'nus would ever
tell her that.

She grinned at him and twirled around. "Do I look ready?"

She always look ready in J'nus' opinion. Ready for anything, if she
chose it. "I'll be the envy of all the other bronzeriders when they
see you."

The words made her smile and flush a little, warmed by the praise.
"Then let's go."

Last updated on the May 29th 2015

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Anxieties Rise Anew