My light's extinguished. Help?

[Leigh]

Okay, it's gonna be much longer than twenty-odd days because my sister's credit is so horrendous she can't get a bloody house. (headdesk) I'll try not to complain too much as they look for apartments or low-income housing that doesn't care as much about that.

On the upside, thank you all for your continued support. It's helping me keep my head above the proverbial water. (hugs everyone)

Somehow my inner light will be reignited, even if it's through sheer desperate effort.

[Suzee]

Leigh,

I can only imagine how hard this is for you. But know that everyone here at Triad cares about you so very much.

We're here for you if you need to talk at any time. While I know you are far closer to some than you are to others on the site, know that I'm praying for you daily.

Before the technology age (yeah back in the pen and hide days before most of you were born.) I used to keep a card in my purse with things I was praying for. Some were in Ink because they were that important and 'permanent' and some that were more transitory were in pencil... (craps of hide don't have endless room unlike the internet or computer documents.)

You're on my hide in INK right now sweetie.

HUGS

[Paula]

Ah, Leigh, hang in there! *hugs*

[Yvonne]

*hugs* It's so disappointing when that 'end goal' gets a little further away. But they're looking, and that's a good thing. I hope they find something soon!

[Miriah]

The inner light dims, but it doesn't get extinguished. Trust me. Been through it many times. *hugs*

[Leigh]

(hugs everyone)

[Leigh]

I think it's over.

I think.

My sister and her boyfriend found an apartment way downtown with a lease they could take over. The majority of their stuff, their pets, and they are all down there now. There's still some stuff to move, but it shouldn't take too much longer. Then they'll all be outta my life for good.

But I can't be happy. Not entirely. I wanted them gone, but not at the cost of my relationship with Lin.

I wish I could tell her "I hate you. It doesn't benefit me to trust you, forgive you, love you, or grieve for you. You threw us away. You threw ME away. So if you suffer even more because of this, I'm gonna be glad. This is what happens when you treat your treasures like trash. Have a nice [curse word related to fornication] life without me, you worthless [bad word for a part of a woman's anatomy], 'cause I won't even go to your funeral."

If I did, though, she wouldn't care.

Thank god for the local therapist I'm seein', that's all I gotta say. And now I can have some peace, and a reason to blow my next paycheck at the winery that's literally across the street from the therapist's office. That place has some of the best nibbles and tasties I've ever come across.

I just wish I could be happier about this.

[Cymiri]

Sadly, what you're experiencing is a pretty common fallout for the friends and family of addicts. There is a point at which you had to save yourself from their crazy, and those relationships get broken in the process. It's ok to feel as you do. It's something you can work through as and when as you go forward. Don't stress about it now.

Don't pressure yourself to 'have' to be anything right now, including happy. Happy will come with healing as you want/need it. You don't have to be anything for anyone's sake... even your own. Just keep soldiering on as you are... you're doing great by the sounds of it.

I'm going to leave an app recommendation here, something I wouldn't normally do, but if you or anyone on the board ever feel the need to reach out but aren't comfy doing so with family or friends at that moment, it's a great service, safe, supportive and can be very cathartic. It's called 7 cups of tea. If it sounds like it would help anyone, have a look at it for some more details.

You really do seem to be making it... keep on keeping on, you''re doing great.

And have a hug, cos you seem like you need it.

[Yvonne]

Thanks for the update - I'm glad to hear that you have a little space to breathe. What you've been though sounds so hard, I can't even imagine. But I'm so happy that you've endured. Like Cymiri said - you're doing great!