Scattered Regrets

Writers: Chelle
Date Posted: 2nd September 2014

Characters: P'nal
Description: P'nal thinks about where his life is.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 8, day 19 of Turn 7
Notes: Mentioned: Harki
Notes: Per Email Convo W/Yvonne; Follows: A Final Answer

He'd escaped from the Weyr and had found himself near the
mountains. There was a piece of leather in his hand and he
was dutifully punching grommets into it for what he intended
it to be in the end. While his hands continued with the activity,
he began to think over things he had pushed into the back of
his mind. With everything else to worry about, he hadn't had time
to examine his thoughts. The air was clear and P'nal relished the quiet.
Snippets of conversations started to bubble up in his mind.

~*~

His eyes followed her and that brown hair. As she crossed the room, he
couldn't help but think of how she had performed in drills. They were
fearless, that pair. He'd never be like that and he had to admire her. Those
dark eyes held so much laughter. His own held a yearning that he hadn't
acted upon. She was younger and probably more interested in the male
standing beside her, whoever he was. P'nal sat back in his chair, gripping
his glass. She had Impressed after he had but she was Weyrbred.

He hadn't noticed her till she'd entered the Wings of course. She'd been
grown then and had quickly amassed a reputation. She was a solid rider
but could do what not many of them could. Harki tested her limits almost
daily. He, on the hand, liked it by the book and to the letter. His brown
was
the same way. Despite their differences, though, he had found himself
wondering.
**She'd laugh in your face**

So he remained there, in the quiet, nursing his whiskey, as she went to
dance with that other male. He imagined his own body next to hers. That
smile was for him. He was stroking her hair and listening to her teasing.
And then
he realized, it was all a dream when the music ended.

~*~

He'd never said or done anything in all those turns. And then she'd left to
another Weyr and he'd forgotten about her. Life had gone on, he'd received
his promotion and he'd settled down into his everyday tasks. And then, there
she was, transferring back. Of course there had been Flights and rolls in
the sack but
he'd never had a weyrmate or anything really serious. Part of him had
always
wondered. She'd seemed the same, still smiling and laughing though
maybe just a touch more quiet. She was less sure of herself. Whatever had
that idiot done to her to make those eyes turn down just a little with that
bottom
lip?

And then he'd found himself waking up to her, on more than occasion. She'd
made him laugh and he'd smiled. She'd been his even if it was just for those
few
stolen moments. He'd never told her about before. There was no point in it
now.
He was her Wingleader and he couldn't allow himself to cross that line. His
eyes
tracked the sky as he watched a wherry in flight. It was alone and headed
for
the trees.

Finally, he had told her. He'd offered her everything just for the chance at
a future. And she'd come to him. **"Me! No strings, no expectations, and
nobody needs to
know."**

Everything in him had recoiled at that. She didn't want him enough to be
public. She didn't want him enough to think it would work out
so that him giving up his position would be worth it. All she wanted was
sex. It would have never worked-not like that. She had been wrong.
Her version would have been much more complicated than what he had offered
her. All the sneaking around, all the wondering, all the dissatisfying
encounters. He would have always wanted more. And then he wouldn't have
completed his duties properly anyway. He hadn't spoken to her except
as necessary during drills and meetings. He hadn't sought her out any other
time. And she'd never come to find him.

Anger boiled up inside him and he stretched the piece of leather while
growling. He wanted to throw it but that would be a waste as
well. He felt Jodeth stirring in his mind and calmed, sending his dragon a
reassuring thought. He was frustrated with his life. Sure he had
Wingsecond knots, but he felt like he was going nowhere. The wing was all he
had and whose fault was that? The question was-would he do anything about
it or would he continue to do what he knew-to serve his Weyr the best way he
knew how?

Despite himself, all he saw was a pair of dark eyes and he remembered what
it felt like to touch her. He reached out and found there was nothing to
grab but air. Nothing.

Last updated on the October 3rd 2014

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

Scattered Regrets