Learning the Truth

Writers: AL, Ames
Date Posted: 27th March 2012

Characters: Wirnan, Kaya
Description: Wirnan learns the truth about the baby Kaya lost
Location: Amber Hills Hold
Date: month 6, day 27 of Turn 6

Wirnan

He'd hardly been home this past month. He'd slept in his office, at
his sister's. Anywhere to avoid spending time with her. He'd been
there while she'd recovered, but he found it far too difficult to
spend time in the same place with her. After all that had happened,
Wirnan's heart ached. He felt like a different man than he'd been
before. He'd wanted that child, but that wasn't too be now. Not only
that, but she'd all but admitted it wasn't _his_ child. _That_ was the
blow that had sunk directly into his core being. He hadn't been enough
for her. He found it hard to even look at her now, knowing she'd
shared her bed with another. Had she not lost the child, he wondered
if they'd even still be together now.

Dropping his things onto the floor with a sigh, he rubbed his hands
over his weary face. He missed sleep. It alluded him now more often
than not. Even if he could have slept in his bed, he doubted he would.
There were too many images that flashed through his mind. Wirnan
_needed_ to talk through all that happened, to try and relieve some of
the agony he felt, but instead, he'd kept things bottled up inside,
not having that person that he could open himself up to. Others had
tried to talk to him, but he just shrugged them off. He was not the
same man he'd been before. It was almost as though all joy and life
had been sapped up by the words and actions that had happened between
them. His life was miserable and he could not see a way out.

Walking into the room, he noted she wasn't here. That gave him a small
amount of relief. Wirnan needed a real bath and fresh clothes, but he
didn't really want to see her. His face drawn and haggard, it was
evident he'd lost weight these past sevendays. As he moved into the room,
his foot caught on the small side table and something clattered to the
floor.

Bending down, he picked it up and froze. Images of their fight, the
blood, the baby, the truth flashed through his mind. Wirnan clutched
the tiny locket in his hand, wishing he could will the man away. The
man who had stolen all of his hopes and dreams in one shattering
moment. Had he been here? That thought made Wirnan want to retch. He
couldn't continue on like this any longer. But what choice did he
have?

"That's mine." Kaya had been gone when Wirnan had first arrived, but
she had come in not long behind him. In her arms she had a basket and
within was held laundry. With him gone so much, there wasn't as much
of it and her load had been light. She hadn't expected to see him when
she returned but the sight of him set her aching - until she saw the
locket that he held.

She didn't want to get into another fight. She was just so _tired_.
Weary. She wanted it to just all end, to be over. But there they
were, stuck in a holding pattern, uncertain, hurt, broken. He didn't
look well - and frankly, neither did she. He wasn't the only one who
had lost weight. The loss of the baby had been difficult on its own,
but it had taken its own toll upon her body. Couple that with the
emotional toll, she was as much a stick as anything.

The lines in her throat were tight and there were shadows under her
eyes, but the idea that he might take that locket away set fire within
those orbs as they rest upon him.

He didn't want to fight anymore. He'd had enough of fighting. He'd had
enough of it all.

"Here," he said almost quietly, just setting the locket back on the
table. "I'll just get my things and go." He wanted to say more, to
share his hurt with her, but the image of the man she'd clearly shared
more with was vivid in his mind. That locket was a constant reminder
that not only had he lost everything, he'd never truly had any of it
to begin with. She'd given herself to another. Could he ever forgive
her for that?

"I'm sure he's better to you than I could ever have been," he added
quietly as he slipped into the bedroom to gather his things. Perhaps
he'd go back to his sisters and try and take a bath there. It wasn't
as nice as the bathing rooms here in his own chambers, but it would be
easier than being here, knowing she was just feet away.

"Perhaps." Kaya's throat tightened further. She didn't want to fight
either. And at the same time, she didn't think she could stand to see
him like this. She hadn't meant for this to happen. "If he had
lived."

He froze at her words. Her lover had died? How had he not known this?
If he was from anywhere around here, Wirnan was sure he would have
heard of the death these past sevendays. He felt a strange clenching
in his stomach as he turned back to face her.

"When did he die?" He asked her, pushing past the constriction he felt
in his throat. His eyes showed his shock and surprise as he tried to
keep the world from spinning out of control around him as he waited
for her answer.

"A little under a turn before I met you." Kaya moved past him, careful
not to touch him. She placed the basket upon the bed and began to fold
an underskirt so that she could put it away. "The ship he was on was
attacked by pirates." Even now it hurt, that pain in her heart, the
fullness in her chest. It wasn't as overwhelming and didn't completely
knock her senseless like it used to, but the pain was still far too
sharp.

Wirnan felt as though the air around him had evaporated. He reached a
hand out to steady himself against the nearest wall as his head
started to spin. He croaked out, "a turn _before_ we met?" He was
finding it difficult to breathe, difficult to think. He thought he
might fall over as the realization dawned on him. "Was there anyone
else? After him?" He forced the words out, closing his eyes against
the feelings that were welling up inside him. "The baby..." his voice
cracked. He couldn't go on. The only thing that had given him some
modicum of solace these past sevendays was that the child probably
hadn't _really_ been his. But had it been his after all? His heart
seemed to squeeze inside his chest as the pain of that thought seemed
to wash over him like waves over a rock in the sea.

Kaya shook her head. "No one." And that answered the second question
that hadn't been fully realised. Of course the baby had been his.
Kayah hadn't wanted anyone else, hadn't gone to someone else's arms.
She hadn't cheated on him. She had just wanted freedom. The baby
meant she wouldn't have freedom but now she didn't have to worry about
that did she?

The tightness in her throat threatened to cut off her air. She tried
desperately to relax, but instead, she had to gulp to breathe. It was
a strangled sound that escaped and it opened the door for another to
follow. She didn't want to cry. She didn't want to think about it.
After all, she hadn't wanted that baby. So why should she be so sad
about the child? Wasn't this what she had wanted anyway?

The truth of it all hit him like a brick. Wirnan felt as though he
_had_ to sit down. The one thing that had kept him going since the
loss had been thinking the baby hadn't been his. Groping against the
wall, he stumbled across the room to one of the few chairs in the
room. Sinking down into it, he dropped his head into his hands and
gulped back a strangled breath, even as tears pressed against his
eyes.

"The baby was mine," he whispered through a rather strangled sound as
he fought back the hurt and tears and sadness that seemed to overwhelm
him. He hadn't truly grieved the loss, having instead held onto the
anger and hurt that he'd believed she'd been with another to get
through the days. Now, however, the weight of grief was like a heavy
blanket that had settled hard about his shoulders.

"The baby was mine too." The words were out of Kaya's mouth before she
realised she was going to say them. That was when it truly sunk in.
She _had_ wanted that baby. As much as she had wanted her freedom, as
much as she had complained inwardly, had thought the baby was a chain
that was holding her captive, she had wanted that child. She hadn't
admitted it to herself - until just then. She couldn't stop the flow
of tears that had threatened earlier. They burst forth and she
fled, away from him, away from reality, throwing herself into the
room, wishing she could shut everything out as easily as shutting that
door. But reality didn't work that way and she sunk to the floor
beside the bed, her weeping bitter.

Last updated on the March 30th 2012

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