Unwanted Memories

Writers: AL, Ames
Date Posted: 24th March 2012

Characters: Wirnan, Kaya
Description: Wirnan and Kaya both remember that painful day.
Location: Amber Hills Hold
Date: month 6, day 24 of Turn 6

Wirnan

Wirnan was working, which meant she was left alone. It was better that
way. She couldn't bear to be around him, to deal with the pain that
still ate at her heart. The physical pain had gone away, but this...it
was something different. Deeper. Worse. Kaya hadn't wanted that
baby. How many times had she wished that she hadn't gotten pregnant?
How many times? Too many to count. But now? She couldn't help but
blame herself. Had her desire caused her to kill the child? And
Wirnan...as angry as she had been, she knew he had wanted children.
This had been a life. A life that had died and been thrust from her
womb far too early. If she had borne the child, at least Wirnan would
have had something he wanted. Maybe then she could have been
free...and then, maybe she wouldn't have been. Except maybe...no, she
didn't want to think about it. It hurt far too much.

Kaya crossed her arms over her abdomen that was no longer swollen with
life. Tears stung her eyes and she closed them, willing the salty
water back to its source. She stood, trying to think of something to
do, something to keep her busy. If she stopped too long, she started
feeling - and right now she just couldn't handle it.

All the chores had been done, so she took up some parchment and
charcoal to sketch. She didn't really pay attention to _what_ she was
sketching, but a few moments later she found herself staring down at
the face of a baby. There were parts of Wirnan in that face - and
parts of her. Would their child have looked like this?

Her throat tightened, threatened to close and her chest filled with
stuffing. Try as she might, she couldn't help but bring the memory to
the forefront, though she was desperate to push it back, to forget -
but it would not be forgotten.

*****

She was losing him. Every time she tried to draw him, something wasn't
right. The forehead, the nose, the chin, the mouth. She could see him
in her minds eye, but the picture was becoming fuzzy, and she couldn't
reproduce it on paper. More and more often she had to go to that
locket, to gaze at the picture and reminder herself of the details that
were fading.

She didn't want them to fade. She wanted to remember, to hold on to
what little she had left of him. Yet her mind was not cooperating.
Tears stung her eyes and she fought against them, in vain for one
escaped to trickle down her cheek. She was trying so hard. So hard.
Her concentration was such that she didn't notice when the door open.
Normally she would have put those sorts of sketches away before Wirnan
came home, but today she had been so intent on getting him down, that
even when it closed, she didn't here, too engrossed on the eyes, the
one thing she had managed to hold on to, the one thing she managed to
put down on paper, to not forget.

Wirnan entered the room, glancing around, his eyes resting on Kaya. He
sighed. Things had been going so well until she'd found out she was with
child. Her reaction had been devastating. He'd always wanted a child,
yet it was clear she didn't want one with him. What little progress
they had made in their relationship had been lost that day. They'd
hardly spoken to each other since, living almost as strangers who
simply shared a room.

Setting his bag on the floor, he didn't greet her, simply moved about
the room, intent on not starting something between them again. Yet,
something about her focus on her current work drew his eye. He found
himself standing just a short distance behind her, looking at the
drawing.

"Someone you met recently?" He asked, not recognizing the face as
someone he knew.

Wirnan had been supportive of her activity and even after the fight
he'd said nothing against her drawing. So Kaya hadn't stop. In truth,
she found herself getting lost in her hobby more and more as the
silence was too unbearable to stand without _something_ to do. So that
was what she did.

That drawing, however, it was personal. Far too personal for her to
share, especially with him. She was so engrossed she hadn't even
realised he'd arrived and when she heard him speak, she jumped up and
hastily put away the drawing, pulling other pieces of parchment over
it. "No. Just someone."
He sensed there was more to her words than she was letting on. Wirnan
frowned.

"Whatever you say," he muttered, knowing she was shutting him out once
again. Wirnan turned and moved from where she sat into the sleeping
room. He began to loosen his shirt, hoping to change into something more
comfortable after a long day of working.

As he pulled his shirt over his head, the sleeve hit a tray sitting on
the nearby table. He heard something clatter to the floor. Muttering, he
reached down to pick it up. His eyes were immediately drawn to the heart
shaped locket that had sprung open when it fell. The picture inside was
identical to the one Kaya had just draw.

Clenching his fingers around the locket, he strored back into the room,
shirtless. "Who _is_ this?" He demanded, shoving the picture at her. His
face was aflame with anger at what she was clearly hiding from him.

"No one." Not anymore. He was gone and dead and no longer existed.
Kaya's throat tightened as she reached out to snatch the locket from
her. "That's mine."

He glanced over to where the drawing had been just moments before.
"This is the face you were drawing," Wirnan stated through clenched
teeth. "A new lover perhaps?" He spat out the words as he glared at
her. "I know you hate me and hate everything about this _thing_ between
us, Kaya," he gestured between them, "but remember _you_ created this!
You set me up and built this torment that we're both forced to suffer
through! Well, from the looks of things, _you_ aren't the one
suffering," he sneered, his eyes resting on the locket in her hand.

"You forced this upon me!" Kaya snapped back as her tiny hands
clenched into fists and the chain of the locket dangled from between
the fingers on her right. "I had no choice. It was either this or be at
the mercy of a man whom I despised. I was trying to get away but _you_
had to ruin it. You couldn't just let me go, let me get away, you
forced me back. I had no other options!"

"I _forced_ you?" he snarled, feeling that anger boiling up inside of
him again. "You despise me and that babe of mine you carry, so how
could what you have now be any better? Shackled to a man you despise,
bearing a child you wish wasn't his...eh?" Wirnan found all the hurt
he'd felt at her rejection boiling up inside of him. Their entire
relationship had been built on conniving ideas she'd created and any
hope of them making the best of things seemed to be vanishing more and
more with each passing day.

"If you weren't pregnant with my child, I'd send you off to the
_love_," he spat the word and gestured to her locket, "that you
clearly have found with someone else. I wish I'd never met you Kaya,"
he finished, his voice no longer angry but sad. She had changed his
life, given him a few fleeting moments of hope, but then had sapped
them all away with her wily ways. He should have _known_ she would
find her comfort in some other man's arms.

"You know nothing. Nothing!" Kaya spat back, tears stinging her
eyes. "I'd rather have him than you. I'd rather have him than a
_thousand_ yous! He's a million times the man you are!" And he was
gone, dead, her dreams gone with him. If he had stayed alive, none of
this would have happened. She would have had him. She would have been
happy - and so would have Wirnan.

He took a menacing step forward and gripped her arm. "Then let _him_
have you! Give me that babe and get out of my life. I won't subject
you to being in my presence any longer than necessary, but the baby is
_mine_." Wirnan's face clearly showed his anger. "You'll stay until
the child is born. Then I'll take you to your lover and you won't
_ever_ come back to Amber Hills again." Wirnan was fired up. She'd
accused him of many things, but to think that she was a sly, conniving
slut that was spending her time with another man while she carried his
child was far too much for him. He _couldn't_ live with her and her
lack of all things moral and good. All hope of ever making a life
together vanished in those seconds. She had tricked him from the
start. He should have known she would find another man to ply her
wares on as soon as possible.

A tiny inkling in the back of his mind tried to come forth and
convince him that all that he knew of her didn't mesh with her being a
someone who would cheat on him behind his back, but he suppressed
those thoughts in his anger, only willing to see what he wanted to
see. Kaya's coldness and trickery played against her in his mind.
She'd always been out to get what _she_ wanted. Well, this time he'd
have what _he_ wanted and cast _her_ aside the way she had him.

Kaya wrenched out of his grip, her eyes casting fire, shadows upon
her face as they relayed the anger. "Who said it's your baby?" She
hissed, those eyes widening for the briefest of seconds in defiance.
"Who ever said that this was your child?" She took a step back, chin
up, her voice rising. "I never wanted to be here!" He volume
continued to rise with each word that spit out, her body trembling. "I
never wanted to be here but _you_ forced me to stay. I could have been
gone a long time ago, but no, you had to ruin everything!
EVERYTHING!" A pang shot through her and her body shook harder. "You
have no one else to blame but yourself! This is all your fault!"

Her words pushed him over the edge. His hands wanted to slap her, but
he didn't. Instead he took a step back from her, shock evident on his
face. Her words condemned her. She admitted to having cheated on him.
It felt like the last crushing blow to what was already a marriage in
shambles. "Get out!" He said, the words spoken calmly but with clear
anger behind them. "I will not share my home with a lying adulteress.
Get out." Wirnan's teeth were clenched, his eyes blazed with the anger
he felt. She had led him believe he would at least have the child he'd
always hoped for, and now in this moment, she'd admitted the truth of
her actions and taken even that last hope of his and crushed it
beneath her dainty yet menacing feet. There was nothing she could give
him now. Nothing.

Kaya opened her mouth. She had a scathing remark ready, angry words
that were prepared to pour forth from her lips. Her anger had risen
and her body continued to tremble. But then that pang shot through her
again. This time it was more insistent. This time it was painful.
Very painful.

The girl doubled over, arms clutching at her stomach as the intensity
of it shot through her. The words died, unable to be spurred onward in
the onslaught of knives that sliced through her. Her eyes widened,
pupils full exposed and whites surrounding it, a crazed expression.
When another knife slashed through her, she cried out, unable to stay
upon her feet, she collapsed to the floor, blood soaking her skirt.

Wirnan stood there for a moment in stunned silence when realization
finally dawned on him. "I'll get help," he told her as he quickly went
to do just that. **Please let her be okay, let them both be okay.**
His heart hammered in his chest as he called for help. He couldn't
bear to think that his words spoken in anger could very well be the
last.

---

Sitting at his desk, Wirnan dropped his face into his hands and gave a
shuddering breath. Time had passed. Kaya had healed physically. But
the chasm between them had not. Life was strained. His heart ached
with each passing moment, both for what had been lost and what they
couldn't seem to have together. He thought back to those early
moments, those fleeting moments when he thought there might be hope
for them together. Now, the unspoken seemed to slice through him worse
than any words could have.

He had not turned his back on her. Had been there to see her through
the recovery, though he felt like a shell of the man he'd been before.
Only now, as he sat here, alone, at his desk, did he allow himself to
truly _feel_ the weight of all that had happened. He wiped the tears
that fell silently from his eyes as he swallowed with difficulty.
Would life ever be better again? Wirnan dared not hope for such a
time.

Last updated on the March 27th 2012

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Unwanted Memories